Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 4

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!

Growing and maturing beyond resentment!

Part 4

When do you know that you have has been delivered?

When you receive something that was mailed or sent to you; you “get it.”

Therefore when you understand the situation that has been bogging you down clearly, you also “get it!” You can then move forward and take control rather than let it take control of you. You must come out of denial and acknowledge that it occurred. Now you have decided to move forward but you will not allow it to consume your attention anymore. Whenever it surfaces you pray & “FOCUS” your attention elsewhere. You have actually taken control of it by releasing it to the Lord and now you are all the wiser because of the experience. You know where you do not want to go!

You can choose to become whole! Depression wants to consume your joy! It is important to remember that depression surfaces when you allow your unresolved anger to turn inward. Resentment means to feel again. Instead of letting go you hold on to the hurt and pain which fuels unhealthy emotions and holds you captive. Understanding what is gong on helps you to “Break Free!”

You no longer will allow the resentment to hinder you from moving forward to becoming a “better you!” You refuse to get stuck! Time is precious and you do not want to spend too much of it in regrets. You can now see the experience as having gained some deeper insight because of that particular “Life Lesson.” You do not always need to explain why, because your understanding has matured and your healthy self-esteem has begun to flourish since you take responsibility for your own emotional responses.

You are moving towards and choosing to live to please God and your confidence in Him is now growing as well. Always remember everywhere you are God is!

You can move forward. Some unconsciously choose to stay “stuck.” Some simply don’t care either way they have grown accustomed to anxiety. It has become and unhealthy “insecurity blanket!” Rather than let the resentment go they may elect to anesthetize themselves with drugs, alcohol, smoking, promiscuity, gossip, over or under eating or some other reckless behavior or distraction. This unhealthy behavior will only lead to further disappointment and possibly more addictions rather than freedom. Abusive outbursts and out of control undisciplined behavior is the unhealthy response rather than deal with the inner pain. You can break the cycle. But it takes work & dedication!

Know that GOD wants you to be Happy. He wants you to experience the Fruit of His Spirit. See Galatians 5. Jesus overcame sin in the flesh for us! We are not to make anyone else responsible for our happiness. Being happy is each individual’s personal responsibility. As a believer God’s Holy Spirit is always there to help us at all times. Sin is what separates us from God! We must humbly submit and be willing to repent of any sin. Then we can keep moving forward to wholeness!

Part 5

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Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 5

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!

Growing and maturing beyond resentment

Part 5

Time is precious and many prefer to spend it unhappy and tethered to their pain. Not because they want to but because they have not chosen to reach to something greater than themselves. First you must remember and truly believe, “I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me!” Now begin to shake it loose! Don’t just say it; do it!

God has a better way! Introspection is healthy when you look inward to attend to your part of the problem. Rather than merely find fault with the offending party you desire to seek and to resolve your own inner conflict. If you have been victimized know that the offending party has responded to you foolishly and irresponsibly. Your desire is to grow beyond the pain and or shame of the experience and mature moving forward from the painful “Life Lesson” on to another level of understanding. You have now learned how to better guard your heart and keep yourself out of harm’s way. You now will focus upon concentrating your efforts to get better and doing things differently.

Hmm, you just may even elect to take a Self Defense class to further build your confidence.

You cannot change what has happened but you can step out on Faith and really trust GOD!

Let love arise! There is no emotion stronger or more powerful than love. “God is love!” Few really understand what true love is… There is absolutely nothing that God is not aware of. He knows everything that has ever happened to you and everyone else and He still loves you. Nurture your desire to live to please God! This of course is more easier said than done. Keep in mind God created you and He has a purpose just for you. No matter how similar we may appear He breaks the mold every time.

You are The Designer’s original. Strive to become the “Best You!” Therefore diligently seek to discover His true love that only comes from Him. Embrace it and it will ripen and mature within you and the Fruit of His Spirit will continue to multiply and manifest within your life. His Light will begin to shine even brighter through you. However, pride must step aside and humility must come to the forefront. How? By exercising discipline and self-control. Know this; “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world!

I will say this again; Time is precious and life is too short to spend the majority of it unhappy and full of resentment. Do not let others pull you into their unhappiness. Instead place your focus and trust upon the LORD. HE wants you to be strong, healthy & happy. Life will always present its challenges. Invite God into the messiness of every area of your life and allow Him to help you become “more than a conqueror.” Why? Only, “He can give you His Peace that surpasses the understanding of man.” This is also why we all so need Jesus Christ as Savior & Lord! “He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly” in every way!

You can recover from resentment. Let go of that load and yoke up with the Lord. He can balance and lift your load. You have to trust God enough to let Him replace that void. So commence to take those bricks of resentment off your back and begin today building a better future taking control of your emotions. You can not make someone else choose happiness. You cannot make them be loyal or committed to you or to the Lord. But you can commit yourself to the Lord! You can build your hope and trust upon the Most High God! I assure you that you will become a lot happier!

Now since you “get it!” Get busy nurturing yourself and start moving forward to wholeness today because tomorrow is not promised. With the Lord by your side;”Be as wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove” Matthew 10. Keep moving forward towards wholeness helps you release what has been and make way for what will be. Keep stepping towards growing and maturing beyond resentment! Allow God His place within your life so His spiritual fruit can begin to internally ripen within your inner being. The Fruit of His Spirit is; “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” See Galatians 5. Forgive your self, let go of the pain and move forward. As you choose the path of freedom and wholeness you can begin to enjoy life leaving the resentment behind! God has a plan for you and He does not want you bogged down in resentment. Now that you “get it” let go and really let God!”

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Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 4

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!

Growing and maturing beyond resentment!

Part 4

When do you know that you have been delivered?

When you receive something that was mailed or sent to you; you “get it.”

Many week after week, month after month and yes sometimes year after years seek deliverance from a situation or… Break the cycle! God wants you to be free. But not to be free to continue in sin. Sin separates you from God. Don’t let what has happened keep you apart from God. Readily repent of any unconfessed sin and accept God’s forgiveness. What happened was beyond your control… Whoever or what ever hurt you or whoever you hurt cannot be undone. But you can move forward starting today! Allow time to release you from the trauma of the incident or situation by embracing the fact that God loves you and wants you to walk in the Path of Righteousness. Embrace the TRUTH of HIS WORD and the cleansing POWER of HIS WORD!

“All have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of GOD.” We ALL forever need Jesus as Lord and Savior!

Therefore when you understand the situation that has been bogging you down clearly, you also “get it!” You can then move forward and take control rather than let it take control of you. You must come out of denial and acknowledge that it occurred. Now you have decided to move forward but you will not allow it to consume your attention anymore. You will let your mind reflect on the cleansing Power of the WORD and on the HOLY SPIRIT’S POWER to transport you to move to higher ground. Spiritual cleansing is welcomed and it is here you build new memories that transcend what has been. You make way for more of GOD’S LOVE! Whenever the unpleasant memory or pain of it resurfaces you pray & “FOCUS” your attention elsewhere. You do not go into denial but embrace The Joy that comes from having the Lord in your life and walking in your growing “self-control.”

Many seek worldly ways and means to deal with resentment rather than first consult with the Lord. God’s Way is always superior!

What is so amazing about the Lord is you do not have to experience what others have experienced to have compassion or understanding. We all have experienced a degree of hurt, pain, disappointment, rejection… Understanding comes from God. You do have to rely upon His Holy Spirit in order to be an instrument to facilitate bringing forth healing.

The Lord wants to Lighten your load. If you do not deal with the problem it will or can eventually lead you to physical and mental issues if not dealt with. If this is the case you should seek proper medical attention. If you continue to carry the heavy burden it is an indication that you have not released it to the Lord. Each time it surfaces give it less time. If necessary time how long you will ponder upon it. Then switch to something else. Know that you have actually taken control of it by releasing it to the Lord and now you are all the wiser because of the experience. You know where you do not want to go; and its not backward!

You can choose to become whole! Depression wants to consume your today and tomorrow and rob you of JOY! Don’t blame others when you allow it to steal today’s JOY. See it for what it is. Sometimes you may have to grieve momentarily to validate your feelings. As you take control, you will less and less allow your emotions to get the best of you. It is important to remember that depression surfaces when you allow your unresolved anger to turn inward. Resentment means to feel again. Instead of letting go you hold on to the hurt and pain which fuels unhealthy emotions and holds you captive. Understanding what is gong on helps you to “Break Free!”

You no longer will allow the resentment to hinder you from moving forward to becoming a “better you!” You refuse to get or stay stuck! Time is precious and you do not want to spend too much of it in regrets. Tomorrow is not promised so waste less todays. You can now see the experience as having gained some deeper insight because of that particular “Life Lesson.” You do not always need to explain why, because your understanding has matured and your healthy self-esteem has begun to flourish since you take responsibility for your own emotional responses. Nor do you live in denial. You do not let unpleasant what has been overtake what you have begun to build anew.

You are moving towards and choosing to live to please God and your confidence in Him is now growing as well. Always remember everywhere you are God is! Make it a goal to let no one come between you and the Lord. Invite the Lord into whatever is going on in you are around you. Learn for yourself what Ephesians 6 says about spiritual warfare. Hold it dear to your heart not just to quote but to embrace its POWER! Get your Spiritual Armor on and keep it on. Remember HIS WORD is necessary Spiritual Food for your soul!

Yes, you can, Believe & say; “I CAN DO ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me!” Philippians 4

Yes, You can move forward. Some unconsciously choose to stay “stuck.” Some simply don’t care either way they have grown so accustomed to abuse and anxiety. Stop letting fear control you. It has become and unhealthy “insecurity blanket!” Rather than let the resentment go they may elect to anesthetize themselves with drugs, alcohol, smoking, promiscuity, gossip, over or under eating or some other reckless behavior or distraction. This unhealthy behavior will only lead to further disappointment and possibly more addictions rather than freedom. Abusive outbursts and out of control undisciplined behavior and resentment is the unhealthy response rather than deal with the inner pain. You can break the cycle. But it takes work & dedication!

Know that GOD wants you to be Happy. He wants you to experience the Fruit of His Spirit. See Galatians 5. Jesus overcame sin in the flesh for us! We are not to make anyone else responsible for our happiness. Being happy is each individual’s own personal responsibility. As a believer God’s Holy Spirit is always there to help us at all times. Sin is what separates us from God! We must humbly submit and be willing to readily repent of any sin. Then we can keep moving forward to wholeness! THANK GOD for your DELIVERANCE!

See Part 5

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Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 3

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!

Growing and maturing beyond resentment

Part 3

The Word of God teaches us that “We are more than conquerors” When we conquer something we master it! We become better because of it, rather than letting it overtake us. The Word is “Alive & Powerful!” It is a mighty spiritual weapon that cuts and yields healing! It is effective when we believe it, embrace the intended principles and actually implement it within our daily lives. As we trust God the fear of whatever it is, diminishes and there goes the resentment. You can at times even smile at well learned life lesson. We are then able to begin to step out on Faith and trust God to lead us through whatever it may be differently.

How will I know that I have given up the resentment?

You will realize that you have been delivered from the resentment once you do not let it unfavorably trigger your emotions.

You no longer hold unto it like a useless security blanket that is full of holes.

You now elect to respond or not respond by instead embracing self-control.

You do not let the situation or incident dictate your feelings.

You do not allow it to trigger your emotions by remote.

You do not allow your pride to take the forefront and govern your actions. Nor do you reach for something outside of you to numb and dull your senses.

You are now committed to moving forward. Once you have genuinely let the resentment go you accept that you have constructively confronted the issue(s) head on. It is no longer acceptable to once again allow yourself to be pulled into despair.

One must commit to take the higher road and focus upon the Lord by; Shaking yourself loose & put yourself in check!

God has no grandchildren. He is the ultimate Father that always knows what is best for us. He is the Most High God. So at whatever age you may be, know that you will always need to be willing to humble yourself and submit to His Will & His Way! We submit as an obedient child does to an honorable parent but we are not to be childish. We daily strive to growing onward towards spiritual maturity. Healthy boundaries are important. You should begin reprogramming your mind to reach to God first. We must be willing to eat more “humble pie” as we embrace humility which is a part of the Fruit of His Spirit.

In these “Latter Days” many of the ways of the world have nested itself among GOD’S CHURCH. Instead of the CHURCH setting the examples they embrace and pattern a lot of their activities after the world. They allow a secular influence to take center stage. Then justify whatever they do because it is done in the Name of God. LORD HELP US! Fewer and fewer really take personal time in the WORD of GOD. The Sacredness of God is often left in the shadows. It is so very important to KNOW GOD’S WORD for yourself.

We can better build stronger benevolent character within ourselves as we submit to God’s way and relinquish our own way. This is a lifelong process. God calls us to separate ourselves from this world. It is evil and sinful to think that we know better than God. Sin is what separates us from God. There is no true inner peace apart from God. We are totally transparent to God. He knows us all from the inside out. The goal is to seek to please the Lord every day. NOT to follow the ways of this world. When You do I assure you that you will be a lot happier!

“HAVE FAITH IN GOD!” For without FAITH it is IMPOSSIBLE to please GOD!

See Part 4

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Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 2

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!


Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 2

Resentment leaves an endless void that one attempts to fill with things that are usually unhealthy for them. You avoid confronting what is bothering you. There is a way out of this.

Marriage is the perfect place to learn properly how to deal with resentment. You two are supposed to be life partners. Like it or not you vowed to help one another become the best that each of you can be? Or were those just words? However each spouse must be willing to take responsibility for their part!

You cannot change what has happened but you can begin to learn how to “let go” of any resentment. Letting go does not mean that you continue to allow the action(s) to occur again. It means that you make a conscious effort to make some behavior changes. Insanity is; “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

In a healthy marriage you take into consideration what impacts you both. You don’t drain one another you seek to refuel, refresh and restore. Oneness makes you sensitive and you work together to have a healthy symbiotic relationship. You speak the Truth in Love. You seek to balance one other. You seek to create a healthy environment where you both can thrive. Where others can experience that balance as well.

Many marriages suffer because resentment is what binds the husband and wife together. Life has become a tally board of how many times they have hurt one another or allowed others to hurt them. Instead of becoming transparent and drawing closer to one another. They all too often run to their friends and seek their support rather than seeking to resolve the problem within their marriage.

There is nothing wrong with talking with your friends, relatives or having a support group. There is nothing wrong with having a therapist, counselor, life coach or any other professional service. Be sure that you are honest if you want favorable results. Just make sure that you do not relay the incident in a way that you are supported when or if you are in the wrong. This will not really help you, your family, friends nor your marriage. This does not mean that the experience was not painful or wrong! You instead seek to become empowered by the incident once you commit to resolve the related unresolved anger. Why? Because you want to be free from it. Or do you really? This means that you will have to allow the pain to dissipate that is associated with what has transpired. But it must first be allowed to come to the Light so you can properly deal with it.

You will have to build a bridge of emotional stability across it to not let it hold you captive any longer. It does not mean that you have to forget. It means that you will have to confront yourself and how you have allowed whatever it is to remain unresolved.

See part 3

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Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 1

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!


Growing and maturing beyond resentment

Part 1

Resentment can kill or deteriorate any marriage, home, family, congregation, or relationship if it is not properly dealt with. It is like leaven. It spoils… Resentment means you feel over and over the pain or distaste associated with an act or deed that has been made against you.

Don’t let others continue to disrespect you or undermine who you are becoming in the Lord. Especially when they have showed you over and over who they are. I say “becoming” because we never arrive; there is always room for improvement as long as the Lord has us on this side of Heaven. Pray for discernment. We actually do arrive; when we reach Heaven!

Counseling entails objective listening. Be a good listener whenever people are talking or speaking. No matter how young or old they may be. When they say something that you know is not true it will give you a clearer picture of who they are and how they feel about themselves as well as what influences them. There is a difference between gossip and having a desire to resolve conflict and set people free. Or if you simply want to control them. Some have an addiction to control. If they cannot control You they will manipulate and try to control the people around you.

PRAY FOR DISCERNMENT!
If you want increased discernment you must truly seek the will of the Lord. Discernment does not allow You to see what you want to see. It causes you to seek the Truth of what is really going on. You readily release what is not so because it clouds your ability to discern. Discernment goes beyond the surface of how things appear. Remember The Holy Spirit; His Comforter wants to lead us to all Truth!

Know the difference between the works of the flesh and the FRUIT of the SPIRIT!

Avoiding conflict or not confronting how you feel and just stowing it away causes resentment to grow and fester. It is healthier to validate your feelings. Then put them in the proper perspective. You can not change anything that has happened. But you can get release from what has been. Resentment hurts you more than it hurts the person you are resenting! “Iron sharpens iron”

Many mistake acceptance for Love. They will do whatever; to be accepted. But are not at peace when they are alone. This also deepens their depression. Some are so use to abuse that they cannot recognize genuine concern or proper correction that comes from love. Oh how we need to allow GOD HIS rightful place in all areas of life. God has a much better way. Live before an “AUDIENCE of ONE!”

To help others become free from resentment share and feed them the “WORD of GOD” not gossip. Encourage and model the principles of God’s Word yourself! This is how you break the cycle of dysfunction. “GOD IS LOVE” HIS WORD is necessary SPIRITUAL FOOD for our souls. GOD is the SPIRIT of TRUTH! HIS WORD IS what quickens (makes alive) the soul! Always remember; “THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE” ~

Merriam Webster Dictionary defines resentment as such: “a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.” You can feel resentment towards a spouse, parent, child, relative, friend, neighbor, boss, coworker, person of the clergy, abuser or even a stranger. Life is precious. It is far better to readily discuss the matter at hand candidly and respectfully.

Many wait too long and allow the clarity of the facts to diminish. Often the truth is totally distorted and misconstrued. When questioned they will usually go in the direction that is desired. Just know if you do not address the associated issue, resentment will keep you fixated upon a momentary encounter for years. It will rob you from moving forward. A lot of the time the person has no clue that they are “stuck” in an abyss of not liking what was said, done or transferred upon their soul. Know you always have an option to speak Up!

GOD IS OMNIPOTENT!

You really can become whole! You can genuinely smile and mean it. You really can; Let the “JOY of the LORD be your strength” Some people do not have healthy boundaries. They will say and do just about anything. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Discipline yourself to speak when you are in control of your responses. Know when to speak and when to say nothing. God will impart HIS inner PEACE to you as you begin to exercise more self control. Truly having the Lord within our lives really does make a difference. THANK GOD FOR our LORD and SAVIOR JESUS & HIS HOLY SPIRIT!

Always seek to build your character in the eyes of GOD. It is HIS opinion of you that matters most. As you grow in the Lord; Fear no one and walk in meekness. You do not want to compromise your Peace with the Lord! GOD’S PEACE surpasses the understanding of man. So know that many will misunderstand you. Learn to take refuge and rest in the Lord. HIS HOLY SPIRIT is the COMFORTER! Above the LORD is no other. KNOW without doubt that GOD IS OMNIPRESENT!

Do not let resentment become the theme of your life, marriage or relationship! Life is too precious to spend most of it in regrets. Letting go of resentment does not mean that you forget what has happened. Many are quick to say “forgive & forget.” Forgiving does not mean that you should forget. Some things you do not want to forget you want to remember in order to prevent them from happening again. Neither do you have be afraid or paranoid.

Become alert! This can serve to Help you to know when to; “guard your heart!” Don’t let recycled junk become your current habitat. Readily recognize when someone is trying to take you down a path that you don’t have to go down. You do however want to work through any hurt or pain. You do not have to be a life long victim. Release any associated hurt or pain; this way it therefore no longer holds you captive. Today many seek to relive over and over their issues and often seek out others to further enable them. What bands them together is there shared experience. You will hear them over and over talk about their past and then say; you need to forget about what happened? Go figure. They don’t realize that they are actually sending a binary messages. (Yet, they are telling you to forget the past and are constantly bring up their past?) So no don’t forget. You really should want to file it away in a healthy manner so that it no longer becomes a trigger for anger or fear; nor does it have to continue to negatively impact your life.

No! You do not have to seek revenge. Give them and the situation to God. I was taught by a wise Mentor and Mother. God can do a lot more with people than you can. There are many diverse doctrinal beliefs. Some hinder the flow of the SPIRIT… Don’t reinforce dysfunction. GOD is NOT the “Author of Confusion.” Some do not really seek understanding. They rather stay “Stuck.” It is good to spend time alone with the Lord as well as with someone you can “Touch and agree!” Learning how to “BE STILL & KNOW” is precious. You learn how to better respond rather than react.

Self Control is part of the Fruit of God’s Spirit. You really can have genuine inner Peace. I will not compromise my Peace with the Lord in order to be accepted. You do NOT have to force your way. Don’t get pulled into messiness. Pray for increased Discernment. Have Faith in God!

God really can heal you. But you must want to really want to be healed. Believe! It will take some effort on you part… Healing is welcomed because you really do want to become whole!

See part 2

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How Do I Love Thee: Food For Thought Before You Say I DO – Goodreads Book Giveaway

How Compatible are We? Ready for Intimacy? Commitment? The Marriage Bed? In-laws or Out-laws?

Many couples spend a great deal of time planning their wedding, but little time planning their marriage. They have not taken the time to have candid open discussion as to what happens after the wedding. Planning your wedding is important, but so is planning your marriage.

How Do I Love Thee:Food For Thought Before You Say “I DO” is a mini-premarital guide to be used by couples, counselors, and clergy. It addresses many of the major subjects couples should discuss prior to marriage.

Included are interactive lessons and assignments for the couple which are designed to motivate serious thought about love, compatibility, commitment, finances, accountability, responsibility, dealing with the in-laws, the marriage bed, and more.

Enter the Goodreads Book Giveaway below for a chance to win a FREE autographed copy.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

How Do I Love Thee by DeBorrah K. Ogans

How Do I Love Thee

by DeBorrah K. Ogans

Giveaway ends February 10, 2016.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control” Part 9 No. 2 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass

Part 9

No. 2 of 3

Marriage is a spiritual battle ground in this 21st century. Look around you! Division wants to nest itself within your marriage; so be aware! Have you noticed the frequency in which couples are divorcing? Why is this? Many enter into marriage without first really getting to know this person who they have promised to love and cherish.

Take the time to get to know one another better rather than to simply co exist. For your marriage to endure it is important to build a strong foundation.

Self-control is a viable component of a strong healthy marriage! There are many forces at works to create havoc within your marriage. One must pray for discernment! It is important that you make your marriage and one another’s wellbeing a priority. Self-control when consistently exercised will help both of you enhance and safeguard your marriage.

Marriage is serious business and is not for immature people. Immaturity is ageless so just because you are getting older does not necessarily mean that you are ready. There are some things you need to consider. Selfishness and either spouse being self-centered will hinder your marriage from growing in a healthy manner.

Marriage ideally is for two imperfect people who desire to mature and want to grow together and become better individuals working together as a committed team. “ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of GOD…” Therefore no matter how much we grow in the Lord’ grace there is always room for improvement as long as He has us on this side of Heaven. Oneness in marriage is actually a harmonic journey. Trust and security are components of a good solid marriage. You are aware that the Lord is Omnipresent. You reverently fear Him so you not only respect your marriage but other marriages as well. Marriage should not be taken lightly. In the spiritual sense “two become one” as they are united and committed in their desire to grow in love. True Love has no end.

Always remember that the WORD teaches us; “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” Matthew 5. Each spouse should seek to become perfect in the Lord. This is not an unattainable goal. It requires dedication and perseverance. However it is quite often misunderstood from a carnal perspective. Becoming perfect in the Lord means to become complete in HIM. Everything that you will ever need for Life & Living can be discovered in an ever growing personal intimate relationship with the Lord. He would not tell us to be perfect if it were not so. In of ourselves we will always fall short. HIS Holy Spirit is always present to HELP US. HE IS THE ULTIMATE COMFORTER. As you begin to really embrace the TRUTH of HIS WORD you can responsively say; “I CAN DO ALL THINGS through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS ME” Philippians 4. It is our choice to reach for HIS HOLY HELP!

In marriage you learn to give up “me ness for we ness!”

Self-control helps you to honor your marriage vows. You choose to not let the world and it’s ever changing morality influence your commitment to one another. Instead together you elect to influence the world. You confront issues in love. It is important to not let resentment fester. You embrace your vows and commence to live out your lives working together through any difficulties. You realize that it is mere spiritual warfare designed to pull you away from your Center. When God is truly the Center of your marriage, Your love blossoms and continuously grows as you soar through life and enjoy the many mountaintop experiences as well.

The Fruit of the Spirit are essential virtues that have precious intrinsic worth that will solidify your marriage. “GOD IS LOVE” Love is part of the Fruit of HIS Spirit. LOVE is truly a priceless GIFT from the LORD. When you both strive to build a healthy living environment that welcomes love, harmony; trust and respect together you really can build a fulfilling, satisfying strong marriage.

A godly marriage is Holy Matrimony.

Part 9
No. 3 0f 3

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self- Control” Part 9 No. 3 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass

Part 9 No. 3

Trust and good communication are crucial values within a great marriage. Transparency and intimacy are built upon trust. It is really important to not rush into making any decisions that will impact the rest of your life. Take time and first consider the consequences! There is always much to learn about one another. Keep your marriage exciting. Progressively work on building good communication skills. You can maintain the spark that brought you together. Or if you have allowed it to dwindle you can rekindle it.

Here are few final things to keep in mind

Make it a point to have some good healthy quality discussions before you jump heart first into marriage. If you are already married take the time to find out how your spouse feels, thinks and processes their thoughts and emotions. Please don’t just assume. Feelings need to be validated.

Have some deep heartfelt discussions. You need to really know what one another values.

You are two different individuals who must learn to walk together. It is possible but it takes commitment and transparency. Emotional intimacy is important in marriage.

Each marriage has its own unique dynamics. Here are a few suggestions questions to ponder and discuss!

What are your likes and dislikes? How do feel about children? What are your beliefs in regards to discipline? How do you feel about the manner in why you both handle discipline? How do you both resolve conflict? Who or what do they believe in? How do they feel about God and prayer? What are your spouses moral standards or convictions or do they have any at all… Is faithfulness important? What does it really mean to be faithful? Are there any abuse issues that need to be addressed? Are there any addictions? Is divorce an option? These are a few of the many things you want to discuss and ponder in order to build a better marriage!

When you both share values and goals it helps to build a healthy emotional bond. This also accelerates your marriage to higher functioning level.

The growing trend today is to simply just change partners when you are not happy. Infidelity is a big No no. It is possible but few marriages recover. Trust has been broken and it must be restored or this will become a pattern. As an adult you have the right to decide, but you always should consider the long and short term consequences. Divorce is inevitable when not fully addressed.

I recommend taking some time to rid yourself of some of the baggage that you have been carrying before jumping into another marriage. All too often it is just pushed to the side only to rise and cause even greater problems the second or even third time around. If you are already married work with what you have. Take inventory and then set some goals together. It’s important to make plans together. Your marriage won’t just work itself out. The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence. The TRUTH is its green because they water it consistently and take care of it. Your marriage will be what you both make it.

Now is the time to begin to exercise self-control as well as all the rest of the “Fruit of the Spirit.” After all you have made a Covenant with one another and to God… This makes your marriage a Holy agreement. Therefore seek quality Holy Help whenever necessary.

Happiness is a choice, so you both need to decide to make this a mutual goal. There will be highs and lows. So always make love deposits of care, concern, love, respect, romance and thoughtfulness to your marriage. This will help you weather the storms. You cannot change one another. But you can create a healthy atmosphere that fosters change. There is always room for improvement in all of us. You can help bring out the better qualities in one another. Or you can bring out the worst in one another. Take note of your personal progress. Work on becoming the “Best You” Your marriage should always be a priority. Working together will have amazing results!

Exercising self-control is a choice. Rather than tearing one another down all the time build one another up! Chastise one another in love instead to encourage self improvement. Withdraw from nagging. Have some good healthy dialogue and let what has hindered your marriage to this point go and move forward as partners. No you do not go forward in denial. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It means that you have decided to let whatever it is go, and move forward not holding the offense against them. The past becomes a reminder of your decision to let go and move on. You make a point to consciously let go of the old and make way for the new. Each day now becomes a new day for building a better marriage. Welcome embracing all the “Fruit of the Spirit” everyday. I assure you that in the long run, you will be much happier. You can do it; because happiness is a choice!

By the way, if you are divorced, in the process of a divorce married or remarried try really hard to not involve the children in your disputes. Please don’t use them as message carriers. It is selfish to use them for your emotional support. After all, your first priority should be for their emotional wellbeing. The truth is you two were not able to resolve your conflicts. Children are more observant than you think. You have been in an emotional battle and it has spawned some residual hurt feelings. Their resentment will surface in many ways. Give your children the opportunity to express themselves. But it is important that they are encouraged to be responsible and respectful. Model to them the “Fruit of the Spirit” as you all move forward yet separately.

Be careful of who you receive counsel from or who you allow to speak into your marriage or your life. Be accountable to God for your behavior. Make sure that you own up to your contribution of whatever problems or issue your marriage is experiencing. Marriage is a team effort. It takes both of you working together not against one another.

Make it a priority to take time to; “BE STILL and KNOW”
Psalm 46

As a believer it should always be more important to you to please GOD.
This does not mean getting caught up in activities… You must spend time with the Lord in His Word and draw closer to Him. There really is nothing more important. GOD IS OMNISCIENT! When you seek HIM above all else there are marvelous benefits. Your body is the Temple of God. Think and ponder for a moment; God is the Creator of Heaven and earth. He is the Creator of man and woman. No one knows better than He.
He can and will direct you in every area of your life.

Marriage God’s way can and does work. But you both must be willing to mutually embrace godly principles and actually implement them within your marriage. God wants to be a part of every area of your life. God does not want you to spend your life unhappy. But He does want you to take seriously the vows that you both made to Him. Everyday is a precious “GIFT” from the Lord. What you do with your life is your gift to Him… So get busy building a marriage that lasts. May your efforts in Holy Matrimony Prevail!

“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control…” Galatians 5. May they manifest, multiply and abound within your lives and your marriage!

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control” Part 9 No. 1 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass
Part 9
No. 1 of 3

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness need to be accompanied with self-control. All of the above are components of the “Fruit of the Spirit” that manifests within us as we truly embrace God within our lives. As we consistently spend time in the Word of God and begin to actually implement His principles we grow spiritually. There are major benefits when you both embrace and employ them within your marriage.

We have finally made it to self-control! Although it is the last one listed it is a top priority. There are 9 components to the Fruit of the Spirit. Part 9 of this miniseries will conclude in 3 parts so bear with me and read on. Your comments are welcomed!

When you married or whenever you decide to marry it is important to know that marriage is a Covenant Agreement. You made or will make a solemn vow to love your spouse. True love lasts forever! Love is a crucial essential element of a good marriage. It is important to know how your spouse defines and interprets love! It is even more important to know that “GOD IS LOVE!”

Search the scriptures assiduously to arrive at a better understanding of what and who love really is. Learn from Your Creator who is Love. True love continues to grow and flourish. Like God it is eternal. Self-control is a component of love. Love will help you weather the storms of life. It enables you to rise to the peaks and go through the tempestuous valley experiences that often occur, when building a strong, intimate, healthy, satisfying marriage that endures the tests of time.

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit will build a good healthy strong loving marriage with a strong sure foundation.

Self-Control is so very important! It will help you in every area of your life! Self-control allows you to be controlled from within rather than by any sort of outer, physical, mental, or emotional remote control. You simply don’t just automatically react to anything or anyone and let it trigger an impulsive response. Instead you choose to respond in a responsible manner. Or whenever you do react impulsively you are readily willing to admit that you were at fault. This is exercising self-control. Your heart also becomes disciplined. The more you walk in self-control the more it becomes a part of who you are.

Remember practice makes permanent!

Wow! We have finally reached the finale in our quest to encourage you to embrace the “Fruit of the Spirit” within your marriage. Once you truly have GOD in your life you have unlimited access to a plethora of possibilities. He is OMNIPOTENT! The more you practice self-control the better you become at exercising it personally. Remember and embrace; “I can DO ALL things through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS ME.”

Faithfully spend time with the Lord in HIS WORD!

Self-control defined is: “the ability to exercise restraint over one’s feelings reactions etc. The act of denying yourself and controlling your impulses.” Keep this definition in mind as we continue on.
Part 9
No. 2 of 3

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