Yes, You can move forward. Some unconsciously choose to stay “stuck.” Some simply don’t care either way they have grown so accustomed to abuse and anxiety. Stop letting fear control you. It has become and unhealthy “insecurity blanket!” Rather than let the resentment go they may elect to anesthetize themselves with drugs, alcohol, smoking, promiscuity, gossip, over or under eating or some other reckless behavior or distraction. This unhealthy behavior will only lead to further disappointment and possibly more addictions rather than freedom. Abusive outbursts and out of control undisciplined behavior and resentment is the unhealthy response rather than deal with the inner pain. You can break the cycle. But it takes work & dedication!

Know that GOD wants you to be Happy. He wants you to experience the Fruit of His Spirit. See Galatians 5. Jesus overcame sin in the flesh for us! We are not to make anyone else responsible for our happiness. Being happy is each individual’s own personal responsibility. As a believer God’s Holy Spirit is always there to help us at all times. Sin is what separates us from God! We must humbly submit and be willing to readily repent of any sin. Then we can keep moving forward to wholeness! THANK GOD for your DELIVERANCE!

See Part 5

Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 3

Marriage God’s way Works!

Growing and maturing beyond resentment

Part 3

The Word of God teaches us that “We are more than conquerors” When we conquer something we master it! We become better because of it, rather than letting it overtake us. The Word is “Alive & Powerful!” It is a mighty spiritual weapon that cuts and yields healing! It is effective when we believe it, embrace the intended principles and actually implement it within our daily lives. As we trust God the fear of whatever it is, diminishes and there goes the resentment. You can at times even smile at well learned life lesson. We are then able to begin to step out on Faith and trust God to lead us through whatever it may be differently.

How will I know that I have given up the resentment?

You will realize that you have been delivered from the resentment once you do not let it unfavorably trigger your emotions.

You no longer hold unto it like a useless security blanket that is full of holes.

You now elect to respond or not respond by instead embracing self-control.

You do not let the situation or incident dictate your feelings.

You do not allow it to trigger your emotions by remote.

You do not allow your pride to take the forefront and govern your actions. Nor do you reach for something outside of you to numb and dull your senses.

You are now committed to moving forward. Once you have genuinely let the resentment go you accept that you have constructively confronted the issue(s) head on. It is no longer acceptable to once again allow yourself to be pulled into despair.

One must commit to take the higher road and focus upon the Lord by; Shaking yourself loose & put yourself in check!

God has no grandchildren. He is the ultimate Father that always knows what is best for us. He is the Most High God. So at whatever age you may be, know that you will always need to be willing to humble yourself and submit to His Will & His Way! We submit as an obedient child does to an honorable parent but we are not to be childish. We daily strive to growing onward towards spiritual maturity. Healthy boundaries are important. You should begin reprogramming your mind to reach to God first. We must be willing to eat more “humble pie” as we embrace humility which is a part of the Fruit of His Spirit.

In these “Latter Days” many of the ways of the world have nested itself among GOD’S CHURCH. Instead of the CHURCH setting the examples they embrace and pattern a lot of their activities after the world. They allow a secular influence to take center stage. Then justify whatever they do because it is done in the Name of God. LORD HELP US! Fewer and fewer really take personal time in the WORD of GOD. The Sacredness of God is often left in the shadows. It is so very important to KNOW GOD’S WORD for yourself.

We can better build stronger benevolent character within ourselves as we submit to God’s way and relinquish our own way. This is a lifelong process. God calls us to separate ourselves from this world. It is evil and sinful to think that we know better than God. Sin is what separates us from God. There is no true inner peace apart from God. We are totally transparent to God. He knows us all from the inside out. The goal is to seek to please the Lord every day. NOT to follow the ways of this world. When You do I assure you that you will be a lot happier!

“HAVE FAITH IN GOD!” For without FAITH it is IMPOSSIBLE to please GOD!

See Part 4

Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 2

Marriage God’s way Works!

Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 2

Resentment leaves an endless void that one attempts to fill with things that are usually unhealthy for them. You avoid confronting what is bothering you. There is a way out of this.

Marriage is the perfect place to learn properly how to deal with resentment. You two are supposed to be life partners. Like it or not you vowed to help one another become the best that each of you can be? Or were those just words? However each spouse must be willing to take responsibility for their part!

You cannot change what has happened but you can begin to learn how to “let go” of any resentment. Letting go does not mean that you continue to allow the action(s) to occur again. It means that you make a conscious effort to make some behavior changes. Insanity is; “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

In a healthy marriage you take into consideration what impacts you both. You don’t drain one another you seek to refuel, refresh and restore. Oneness makes you sensitive and you work together to have a healthy symbiotic relationship. You speak the Truth in Love. You seek to balance one other. You seek to create a healthy environment where you both can thrive. Where others can experience that balance as well.

Many marriages suffer because resentment is what binds the husband and wife together. Life has become a tally board of how many times they have hurt one another or allowed others to hurt them. Instead of becoming transparent and drawing closer to one another. They all too often run to their friends and seek their support rather than seeking to resolve the problem within their marriage.

There is nothing wrong with talking with your friends, relatives or having a support group. There is nothing wrong with having a therapist, counselor, life coach or any other professional service. Be sure that you are honest if you want favorable results. Just make sure that you do not relay the incident in a way that you are supported when or if you are in the wrong. This will not really help you, your family, friends nor your marriage. This does not mean that the experience was not painful or wrong! You instead seek to become empowered by the incident once you commit to resolve the related unresolved anger. Why? Because you want to be free from it. Or do you really? This means that you will have to allow the pain to dissipate that is associated with what has transpired. But it must first be allowed to come to the Light so you can properly deal with it.

You will have to build a bridge of emotional stability across it to not let it hold you captive any longer. It does not mean that you have to forget. It means that you will have to confront yourself and how you have allowed whatever it is to remain unresolved.

See part 3

Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 1

Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 1

Resentment can kill or deteriorate any marriage, home, family, congregation, or relationship if it is not properly dealt with. It is like leaven. It spoils… Resentment means you feel over and over the pain or distaste associated with an act or deed that has been made against you.

Don’t let others continue to disrespect you or undermine who you are becoming in the Lord. Especially when they have showed you over and over who they are. I say “becoming” because we never arrive; there is always room for improvement as long as the Lord has us on this side of Heaven. Pray for discernment. We actually do arrive; when we reach Heaven!

Counseling entails objective listening. Be a good listener whenever people are talking or speaking. No matter how young or old they may be. When they say something that you know is not true it will give you a clearer picture of who they are and how they feel about themselves as well as what influences them. There is a difference between gossip and having a desire to resolve conflict and set people free. Or if you simply want to control them. Some have an addiction to control. If they cannot control You they will manipulate and try to control the people around you.

PRAY FOR DISCERNMENT!

If you want increased discernment you must truly seek the will of the Lord. Discernment does not allow You to see what you want to see. It causes you to seek the Truth of what is really going on. You readily release what is not so because it clouds your ability to discern. Discernment goes beyond the surface of how things appear. Remember The Holy Spirit; His Comforter wants to lead us to all Truth!

Know the difference between the works of the flesh and the FRUIT of the SPIRIT!

Avoiding conflict or not confronting how you feel and just stowing it away causes resentment to grow and fester. It is healthier to validate your feelings. Then put them in the proper perspective. You can not change anything that has happened. But you can get release from what has been. Resentment hurts you more than it hurts the person you are resenting! “Iron sharpens iron”

Many mistake acceptance for Love. They will do whatever; to be accepted. But are not at peace when they are alone. This also deepens their depression. Some are so use to abuse that they cannot recognize genuine concern or proper correction that comes from love. Oh how we need to allow GOD HIS rightful place in all areas of life. God has a much better way. Live before an “AUDIENCE of ONE!”

To help others become free from resentment share and feed them the “WORD of GOD” not gossip. Encourage and model the principles of God’s Word yourself! This is how you break the cycle of dysfunction. “GOD IS LOVE” HIS WORD is necessary SPIRITUAL FOOD for our souls. GOD is the SPIRIT of TRUTH! HIS WORD IS what quickens (makes alive) the soul! Always remember; “THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE” ~

Merriam Webster Dictionary defines resentment as such: “a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.” You can feel resentment towards a spouse, parent, child, relative, friend, neighbor, boss, coworker, person of the clergy, abuser or even a stranger. Life is precious. It is far better to readily discuss the matter at hand candidly and respectfully.

Many wait too long and allow the clarity of the facts to diminish. Often the truth is totally distorted and misconstrued. When questioned they will usually go in the direction that is desired. Just know if you do not address the associated issue, resentment will keep you fixated upon a momentary encounter for years. It will rob you from moving forward. A lot of the time the person has no clue that they are “stuck” in an abyss of not liking what was said, done or transferred upon their soul. Know you always have an option to speak Up!

GOD IS OMNIPOTENT!

You really can become whole! You can genuinely smile and mean it. You really can; Let the “JOY of the LORD be your strength” Some people do not have healthy boundaries. They will say and do just about anything. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Discipline yourself to speak when you are in control of your responses. Know when to speak and when to say nothing. God will impart HIS inner PEACE to you as you begin to exercise more self control. Truly having the Lord within our lives really does make a difference. THANK GOD FOR our LORD and SAVIOR JESUS & HIS HOLY SPIRIT!

Always seek to build your character in the eyes of GOD. It is HIS opinion of you that matters most. As you grow in the Lord; Fear no one and walk in meekness. You do not want to compromise your Peace with the Lord! GOD’S PEACE surpasses the understanding of man. So know that many will misunderstand you. Learn to take refuge and rest in the Lord. HIS HOLY SPIRIT is the COMFORTER! Above the LORD is no other. KNOW without doubt that GOD IS OMNIPRESENT!

Do not let resentment become the theme of your life, marriage or relationship! Life is too precious to spend most of it in regrets. Letting go of resentment does not mean that you forget what has happened. Many are quick to say “forgive & forget.” Forgiving does not mean that you should forget. Some things you do not want to forget you want to remember in order to prevent them from happening again. Neither do you have be afraid or paranoid.

Become alert! This can serve to Help you to know when to; “guard your heart!” Don’t let recycled junk become your current habitat. Readily recognize when someone is trying to take you down a path that you don’t have to go down. You do however want to work through any hurt or pain. You do not have to be a life long victim. Release any associated hurt or pain; this way it therefore no longer holds you captive. Today many seek to relive over and over their issues and often seek out others to further enable them. What bands them together is there shared experience. You will hear them over and over talk about their past and then say; you need to forget about what happened? Go figure. They don’t realize that they are actually sending a binary messages. (Yet, they are telling you to forget the past and are constantly bring up their past?) So no don’t forget. You really should want to file it away in a healthy manner so that it no longer becomes a trigger for anger or fear; nor does it have to continue to negatively impact your life.

No! You do not have to seek revenge. Give them and the situation to God. I was taught by a wise Mentor and Mother. God can do a lot more with people than you can. There are many diverse doctrinal beliefs. Some hinder the flow of the SPIRIT… Don’t reinforce dysfunction. GOD is NOT the “Author of Confusion.” Some do not really seek understanding. They rather stay “Stuck.” It is good to spend time alone with the Lord as well as with someone you can “Touch and agree!” Learning how to “BE STILL & KNOW” is precious. You learn how to better respond rather than react.

Self Control is part of the Fruit of God’s Spirit. You really can have genuine inner Peace. I will not compromise my Peace with the Lord in order to be accepted. You do NOT have to force your way. Don’t get pulled into messiness. Pray for increased Discernment. Have Faith in God!

God really can heal you. But you must want to really want to be healed. Believe! It will take some effort on you part… Healing is welcomed because you really do want to become whole!

See part 2

How Do I Love Thee: Food For Thought Before You Say I DO – Goodreads Book Giveaway

How Compatible are We? Ready for Intimacy? Commitment? The Marriage Bed? In-laws or Out-laws?

Many couples spend a great deal of time planning their wedding, but little time planning their marriage. They have not taken the time to have candid open discussion as to what happens after the wedding. Planning your wedding is important, but so is planning your marriage.

How Do I Love Thee:Food For Thought Before You Say “I DO” is a mini-premarital guide to be used by couples, counselors, and clergy. It addresses many of the major subjects couples should discuss prior to marriage.

Included are interactive lessons and assignments for the couple which are designed to motivate serious thought about love, compatibility, commitment, finances, accountability, responsibility, dealing with the in-laws, the marriage bed, and more.

Enter the Goodreads Book Giveaway below for a chance to win a FREE autographed copy.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

How Do I Love Thee

by DeBorrah K. Ogans

Giveaway ends February 10, 2016.

See the giveaway details
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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control” Part 9 No. 1 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Part 9
No. 1 of  3

Fruit of the SPIRIT

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness need to be accompanied with self-control. All of the above are components of the “Fruit of the Spirit” that manifests within us as we truly embrace God within our lives. As we consistently spend time in the Word of God and begin to actually implement His principles we grow spiritually. There are major benefits when you both embrace and employ them within your marriage.

We have finally made it to self-control! Although it is the last one listed it is a top priority. There are 9 components to the Fruit of the Spirit. Part 9 of this miniseries will conclude in 3 parts so bear with me and read on. Your comments are welcomed!

GOD IS LOVE

When you married or whenever you decide to marry it is important to know that marriage is a Covenant Agreement. You made or will make a solemn vow to love your spouse. True love lasts forever! Love is a crucial essential element of a good marriage. It is important to know how your spouse defines and interprets love! It is even more important to know that “GOD IS LOVE!”

Search the scriptures assiduously to arrive at a better understanding of what and who love really is. Learn from Your Creator who is Love. True love continues to grow and flourish. Like God it is eternal. Self-control is a component of love. Love will help you weather the storms of life. It enables you to rise to the peaks and go through the tempestuous valley experiences that often occur, when building a strong, intimate, healthy, satisfying marriage that endures the tests of time.

It is important to embrace as well s practice Self-Control!

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit will build a good healthy strong loving marriage with a strong sure foundation.

Self-Control is so very important! It will help you in every area of your life! Self-control allows you to be controlled from within rather than by any sort of outer, physical, mental, or emotional remote control. You simply don’t just automatically react to anything or anyone and let it trigger an impulsive response. Instead you choose to respond in a responsible manner. Or whenever you do react impulsively you are readily willing to admit that you were at fault. This is exercising self-control. Your heart also becomes disciplined. The more you walk in self-control the more it becomes a part of who you are.

Remember practice makes permanent!

Wow! We have finally reached the finale in our quest to encourage you to embrace the “Fruit of the Spirit” within your marriage. Once you truly have GOD in your life you have unlimited access to a plethora of possibilities. He is OMNIPOTENT! The more you practice self-control the better you become at exercising it personally. Remember and embrace; “I can DO ALL things through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS ME.”

Faithfully spend time with the Lord in HIS WORD!

Self-control defined is: “the ability to exercise restraint over one’s feelings reactions etc. The act of denying yourself and controlling your impulses.” BY THE WAY YOU WON’T JUST EAT ANYTHING… Keep this definition in mind as we continue on.
Part 9
No. 2 of 2

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit in your marriage “Gentleness” Part 8

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Gentleness”

Part 8

The Fruit of the Spirit is actually a natural spontaneous occurrence that happens in our lives as we grow spiritually. Our character and personality is wonderfully shaped as we embrace God’s principles. The Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.

Gentleness is important. Let’s now focus on the benefits of embracing gentleness within our marriage. You can develop a mutually beneficial symbiotically satisfying marital relationship where each partner is respected and appreciated!

Marriage is meant to be an endearing, beautiful, romantic, fulfilling, life long spiritual union coming together as one, between a man and a woman. Your marriage should be equally cherished by both of you. If this is not the case; time to get busy. You have some work to do. Dust off your vows, revisit, renew and now actually implement them within your marriage. Together working as a team, you can accomplish great things together!

Your marriage should be or should become a priority if this is not the case. Did you know that you and your spouse are actually copartners in a covenant agreement? You have made promises to one another that go much deeper than a piece of paper! Your marriage will be what you make it… Learning to be sensitive, caring and gentle will help you build a cohesive, enjoyable healthy interconnected marriage. The well-being of one another is a priority in this type of marriage. Embracing gentleness allows you to let your guard down with one another! Your weaknesses come to the forefront, and you become transparent and open with one another, and your trust deepens.

Marriage is meant to be an ongoing exciting lifelong quest together improving, growing, and becoming the best person you can be. You remain two separate individuals who are dedicated to growing together and working as an unbreakable team working side by side. You chastise and challenge one another. You also complement one another as well as build one another up!

Gentleness is important because it allows you not to hide behind the hard shield your personality must sometimes develops in order to protect yourself from the world and its influences. You must learn how to guard your heart. But within a good trusting marriage there is no need. For as your love deepens your heart remains open. You can instead allow your spouse to embrace you in a most tangible intimate way that is usually exclusively reserved for marriage. I must say you can enjoy one another even when you are not feeling well… You cannot even utter a word and one another knows how the other is feeling. Spiritual “ONENESS” in marriage helps you to always keep a level of respect for one another. You build healthy boundaries around your marriage. You both commit to do what is best for the marriage. This is why you should not just join yourself to anyone!

When you invite the Lord into your marriage together you are able to weather the multiplicity of storms that life brings your way. When you disagree, you stand firm, but you don’t allow bitterness and strife to permanently nest itself between you. When one is down the other spouse brings comfort and maintains a healthy nurturing environment. Give both gentle and firm embraces. Learn to hug one another with kind thoughtful words.  Gentleness makes you come close in your romantic moments as well not just physically but emotionally.  You learn to allow room for your love to manifest in many ways…  It takes inner strength and security for Gentleness to be appropriately and sincerely expressed. In this case You both are truly equally yoked!

When you do not allow gentleness to become a part of your marriage your hearts instead harden. God’s love tenderizes our hearts.   (He teaches us how to guard our hearts from outsiders who seek to bring discord or messiness.  But keep it open to our spouses and loved ones…)  When you are hard hearted whenever you disagree you often become divided and resentment and unforgiveness instead sets in. This is why so many marriages end in bitterness and divorce. Some bring a lot of that bitterness with them.  This should not be. One may often remain faithful as the other ones drifts… Rather than work through their difficulties and storms they begin to pull you further apart.

There are spiritual benefits as you learn to walk in meekness. For meekness is power under control. You also are embracing gentleness & strength as you are exercising discipline and self-control. “Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.” Matthew 5