Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self- Control” Part 9 No. 3 of 3
January 2, 2020 by Elder/Minister DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Marriage & Relationships
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”
Part 9 No. 3 of 3
Trust and good communication are crucial values within a great marriage. Transparency and intimacy are built upon trust. It is really important to not rush into making any decisions that will impact the rest of your life. Being focused is important. Take time and first consider the consequences! There is always much to learn about one another. Keep your marriage exciting. Progressively work on building good communication skills. You can maintain the spark that brought you together. Or if you have allowed it to dwindle you can rekindle it.
Here are few final things to keep in mind
Make it a point to have some good healthy quality discussions before you jump heart first into marriage. If you are already married take the time to find out how your spouse feels, thinks and processes their thoughts and emotions. Being focused is important. Please don’t just assume how they are feeling. Feelings need to be validated.
Have some deep heartfelt discussions. You need to really know what one another values.
You are two different individuals who must learn to walk together. Remember your vows you made to one another. Were they just words? Remember the love, emotions and feelings that brought you together. It is possible but it takes commitment and transparency to keep those precious moments. Emotional intimacy is important in marriage.
Each marriage has its own unique dynamics. Here are a few suggestions and questions to ponder and discuss.
What are your likes and dislikes? How do feel about having or not having children? What are your beliefs in regard to discipline? How do you feel about the manner in why or how you both handle discipline? How do you both resolve conflict? Who or what do they believe in? How do they feel about God and prayer? What are your spouse’s moral standards or convictions or do they have any at all… Is faithfulness important? What does it really mean to be faithful? What about the finances? Are there any abuse issues that need to be addressed? Are there any addictions? Is divorce an option? These are a few of the many things you want to discuss and ponder in order to build a better marriage!
When you both share the same values, morals and goals it helps to build a healthier emotional bond. You have the needed components necessary to build a strong foundation for your marriage. This also accelerates your marriage to a higher functioning level. If you have very little in common at least now you know this. As you go forward in order to build a strong marriage you want to continue to be transparent with one another.
If you do not have much in common you really need to have some serious discussion about what you are expecting from one another. What are your goals for your marriage? How do we decide whose perspective is right or better? You need to at least have some idea as to the direction your marriage is headed. You want to make sure that the feelings you have are not just “intoxicating affections.” Why? Because they won’t last. being focused is important. You really want to make sure you are on the same page about true godly love and commitment. So where do we go from here.
The growing trend today is to simply just change partners when you are not happy. Some people are quite shallow in their idea of commitment. Infidelity is a big No! No! It is vaguely possible, but few marriages ever really recover from continued infidelity. Which really is not marriage; but it is really a revolving door. This breeds distrust and insecurity. Many proceed in denial not resolving the present void or distrust. When trust has been broken it must be restored or this will become a destructive relational pattern. As adults you have the right to decide, but you always should consider the long-and short-term consequences. Divorce or continued conflict is inevitable when not fully confronted and addressed.
Let’s begin to get rid of the baggage!
I recommend taking some time to rid yourself of some of the baggage that you have been carrying before jumping into another marriage or relationship. All too often it is just pushed to the side only to rise and cause even greater problems the second or even third time around further down the road. If you are already married work with what you have. Revisit your vows. Take inventory and then set some goals together. Recapture the good tender moments that brought you together. It’s important to make plans together. Your marriage won’t just work itself out.
The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence. The TRUTH is, its greener because they water it consistently, they maintain, feed and take care of it. Your marriage will be what you both make it.
Now is the time to begin to exercise self-control as well as fervently embrace all the rest of the benefits of earnestly seeking the Lord for the “Fruit of the Spirit.” After all you have or did make a Covenant with one another and to God… This makes your marriage a Holy agreement. Or perhaps just words you repeated? Being focused is important. Setting and reaching goals together is important. Therefore, seek quality Holy Help from God whenever necessary. Humble yourself before the Lord. The Fruit of His Spirit is produced within us only by God’s precious Holy Spirit. What is so beautiful about God is; God cannot ever be manipulated. However, He is always omnipresent with us and always knows absolutely where we are coming from. GOD is The SPIRIT of TRUTH! This is why it is so vitally important to establish an ongoing genuine relationship of Trust with Him. You do not even have to speak aloud a word. He hears and knows all that is spoken or unspoken. What an awewonderful powerful God He is for He truly is; “THE MOST HIGH GOD!”
“Praying without ceasing” is a meditative state of mind that keeps us focused upon staying connected to GOD!
Know this, marriage is only for this side of Heaven. We are bestowed with the opportunity to experience the ultimate human oneness in marriage while we inhabit the earth. Your marriage will be whatever you allow it to be… There is no marrying in Heaven. So, if this is your choice for here on earth give it your best. Reach for a life of quality! Always trust God to lead you not only in your marriage but in all areas of your life for in Him rests complete understanding and wisdom. In God you can be whole!
Praying together is important as well! Praying without ceasing” all throughout your day keeps you connected to the Lord. It is an intimate personal wireless communication connection with God. This is a cognizant healthy state of mind clarity when you practice being focused upon God. This is how you become whole. Your desire should always be to please God. “Perfect Love casts our fear.” Trusting God is one of the most important things that you can ever learn to do. For God always has our best interest at heart. He is our endless source of love and wisdom. God will never leave nor forsake us! This can and will keep you from being depressed or fearful. “FATHER GOD ALWAYS KNOWS BEST!”
Happiness is a choice, so you both need to decide to make this a mutual goal. There will be highs and lows. Unhappiness does not have to be the theme of your marriage. So always make love deposits of care, concern, love, respect, romance and thoughtfulness to your marriage. This will help you weather the storms of life. It leaves less room for anxiety and unhappiness to dominant your lives and marriage. Strive and thrive to create a nurturing safe haven. This also helps you to rise above the storms of life. You cannot change one another. But you can create a healthy atmosphere that fosters change. There is always room for improvement in all of us. “We are forever becoming. We never arrive.” Well that is the case until Christ Jesus comes for us. You can help bring out the better qualities in one another. Or you can bring out the worst in one another. Take note of your personal progress. Work on becoming the “Best You.” Your marriage should always be a priority. Working together will have definite amazing results!
Exercising self-control is a choice. If you are weak in this area. Get right! Rather than tearing one another down all the time build one another up! Chastise one another in love instead to encourage self-improvement. Correction is a part of love. Challenge one another. Do withdraw from nagging. Abandon dysfunctional ways of living. Check yourself! Don’t allow carnality to rule your life. Uphold healthy boundaries. Self-control is helpful in all areas our lives. Love attracts. So, make it a goal to keep your love alive! Have some good healthy dialogue and let whatever has hindered your marriage to this point go and move forward as partners. Never take one another for granted.
No, you do not go forward in denial. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. You want to remember, and you also want to get over the pain. It means that you have decided to let whatever it is go and move forward not holding the offense against them. The past becomes a reminder of your decision to let go and move on. Or make it a point before you go down that road to minimize making pain a major component in your life and marriage. You make a point to consciously let go of the old offenses and make way for the new awaiting life. This is a lifestyle change for a better future! This is possible when you don’t allow the not so good large or small things of the past to become the present… Each day now becomes a new day for building a better life and marriage. If your marriage is great Hallelujah Thank God!
“LIVE BEFORE AN AUDIENCE OF ONE!”
Welcome embracing all the “Fruit of the Spirit” in your life every day. Life is a precious gift from God. I assure you that in the long run, you will be much happier. Since God has given us all free choice make it a goal to continuously make better choices even if you already do. The spiritual warfare about us is real and continues to want to hinder us sometimes in the slightest ways. When you daily apply and practice godly principles you and your spouse will also benefit greatly. You both can become stronger together. “Iron sharpeneth iron” Come what may, be encouraged! You can do this; because remember happiness is a choice!
By the way, if you are divorced, in the process of a divorce married or remarried make a sincere attempt to not involve the children in your disputes. If you have; STOP! DON’T TRY AND MAKE ADULTS OUT OF YOUR CHILDREN. They are already suffering because of the disharmony that they see or sense between you. They too also have their own challenges dealing with growing up since we live in a very complicated complex world. Please don’t use them as message carriers. It is selfish to use them for your emotional support. You both are supposed to be their caregivers… After all, your first priority should be for their emotional well-being. Please do not go on a guilt trip about what has been. Stay on the Narrow Path with God. Seek now to make life a pleasant journey. Do remember and embrace the lessons learned from it. And yes, continue to press forward.
In the case of divorce, the truth is you two were not able to resolve your own conflicts. This may be the case of one or both of you. Children are more observant than you think. You have been in an emotional battle, and it has spawned some residual hurt feelings. Their resentment will surface in many ways due to the collateral damage they are experiencing. This may not have been your intention but there is a residual of resentment. Give your children the opportunity to express themselves. But it is important that they are always encouraged to be responsible and respectful. Seek to break the cycle of dysfunction. Allow their reactions to be the catalyst and motivation to want to build an even heathier environment for them. Keep in mind they have their own natural stresses and growing pains to manage through… You want to help prepare them for whenever they decide to marry. They still need to learn how to develop healthy coping skills and so do you as parents. Let this encourage you to model to them the “Fruit of the Spirit” as you all move forward together or separately. Always focus on how to improve your quality of life and building a healthy environment in and around you mentally, physically as well as visually.
Be careful of who you receive counsel from or who you allow to speak into your marriage or your life. Experience is not always the best teacher. But it is always wise to welcome godly wisdom. When someone says something that you do not like or agree with it does not necessarily mean that they are being negative. Loving others is not telling them what they want to hear. If its true ponder and accept it or if not have exit ear and keep progressively moving forward. Be accountable to God for your own behavior. Make sure that you own up to your contribution of whatever problems or issues your marriage is experiencing. Marriage is supposed to be a team effort. Not all spouses naturally embrace teamwork. But it does not necessarily take a team to destroy your marriage. By one spouse’s own willful behavior divorce can result. It does take both of you working together not against one another to make it work.
Diligently daily seek the Lord’s direction. Make it a priority to take time to; “BE STILL and KNOW”
Psalm 46
As a believer it should always be more important to you to please GOD. This does not mean getting caught up in all the local Church activities to the degree you neglect your home life. Know it also pleases God when you keep your vows you have made to Him and your spouse. Ministry starts in your home. In this 21st century some of everything goes on within the many places of worship. So stay focused and also be aware of what is going on about you. Establish a mode of sincerely worshipping God. You must commit to spend time with the Lord in His Word and draw closer to Him. Your own personal Bible Study and studying together is important as well. This is where and how you will gain healthier spiritual strength. Remember we the people are God’s Church.
There really is nothing more important than growing closer to God. He is the quintessential essence of everlasting life. I assure you, all that you will ever need for life, daily living and eternal life you can discover in an ongoing healthy personal intimate relationship with God.
Remember our relationship as Believers with God is eternal. For there is life beyond earth. Be certain today without a doubt where you will spend eternity. GOD IS OMNISCIENT! When you seek HIM above all else there are marvelous unlimited benefits. Know that your body is the Temple of God. You need to feed and nurture your body and soul spiritually and physically. Know when and how to eat and know when to fast. Think and ponder upon this for a moment; God is the Creator of Heaven and earth. He is the Creator of man and woman. No one knows better than He about anything. He can and will direct you in every area of your life. He will never leave nor forsake you. To truly know this you must believe this without doubt.
Marriage God’s way can and does work. God has ordained marriage so do not leave Him out of it. But you both must be willing to mutually embrace His godly principles and actually implement them within your marriage. God wants to be a part of every area of your life. God does not want you to spend your life unhappy, bitter or broken. God does not have to break you to use you. He can meet you right where you are. But He does want you to take seriously the vows that you both made to Him. You can recover from this. But recovery takes hard work!
Every day is a precious “GIFT” from the Lord. What you do with your life is your gift to Him. Strive and thrive to be better helpmeets to one another. So, lets get busy building a life and a marriage that lasts. This way everyone benefits. May your efforts in Holy Matrimony prevail!
“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control…” Galatians 5. May they all by God’s marvelous grace manifest, multiply and abound within your lives, homes and your marriage!
May God’s Eternal Everlasting Love begin to flourish and abound between you now and forever!
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control” Part 9 No. 2 of 3
January 1, 2020 by Elder/Minister DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Marriage & Relationships
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”
Part 9
No. 2 of 3
Marriage is a spiritual battle ground in this 21st century. Look around you! Division wants to nest itself within your marriage; so be aware. Have you noticed the frequency in which couples are divorcing? Why is this? Many enter into marriage without first really getting to know this person who they have promised to love and cherish.
Take the time to get to know one another better rather than to simply co-exist. For your marriage to endure it is important to build a strong foundation.
Self-control is a viable component of a strong healthy marriage. There are many forces at work to create havoc within your marriage. One must pray for discernment. It is important that you make your marriage and one another’s well-being an important priority. Self-control when consistently exercised will help both of you enhance and safeguard your marriage. Implementing self-control in all aspects of your life is wise. For it also helps you to have healthy boundaries and set limits. This is what helps us to be mature and responsible. You know when to start and stop, when to do and not to do something or simply when to stop or do nothing at all… By both of you embracing and implementing self-control you are actually better equipped to develop healthy boundaries together that keep your marriage safe and secure.
Marriage is serious business and is not for immature people. Immaturity is ageless so just because you are getting older does not necessarily mean that you are ready. There are some things you need to consider. God is always available to help us in all areas of our life. Selfishness or either spouse being self-centered will hinder your marriage from growing in a healthy manner. As two uniquely different people you are committing to keep one another’s well-being as a priority. It is hard to be selfish when you are caring and considerate. However, you do still manage to afford one another needed space to grow and flourish. Over time you actually learn a harmonic cadence of being together or whenever working or walking side by side.
Marriage ideally speaking is for one man and one woman who are in one way or another somewhat flawed. This is not to assume negativity exists. But the need for further growth in learning how to be together as you also grow individually. As you come together you both smooth out the rough edges to increase a flow in the relationship. Together you define as well as refine your marriage. In the Lord we are in a continuous mode of being perfected in Him. For it is only in GOD who is our Creator and Maker that we actually can be or become complete! God did not make us to be robots. He has given us free choice. As we embrace and choose His principles He equips and refines us. Together you each learn how to rise above any imperfections. Marriage is all about teamwork. You elect to strive and thrive for the perfection that is attainable in a healthy God-centered marriage. Perfection meaning being complete.
This is a desirable goal for those who desire to want to mature and grow together and become better individuals working together as a committed team. It is never too late to start. This also helps us become better individuals. We become better equipped at recognizing different personality traits and behaviors. As well as being sensitive to the needs of those about us. We all are so quite different. You both choose the pathway for your marriage. Keep in mind “ALL have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of GOD…” God has truly given us an excellent flawless example in how He The Father, Son and Holy Spirit all work together as One! As believers we do not or should not allow sin to reign within our lives. Abba Father God is absolutely amazing! We have our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus to call upon 24/7 to help us… This is why we all need HIM as LORD! Therefore, no matter how much we grow in the Lord’s grace there is always room for improvement as long as He has us on this side of Heaven.
CHRISTIANITY really is a daily lifestyle!
Let’s get busy!
Each day we are to strive for the perfection that can only be discovered in the Lord. “GOD IS LOVE!” It is in HIM you can increasingly become complete. Being perfect in the Lord is not being arrogant. It is learning how to be content in HIM! GOD would not say “Be ye therefore perfect even as your Father which is in Heaven is perfect…” Matthew 5 If it were not possible God would not tell us otherwise. It is with the help of the Lord we can become all that He has created us to be and become. Let’s get busy!
Spiritual Oneness in marriage is actually designed to be a harmonic journey. Love, trust and security are components of a good solid marriage. Yes we can also be on one accord with others. But marriage in Ephesians gives us a really great example of how our marriages should reflect and emulate the Love that GOD has for His Church. This is why it is important to keep GOD in the Center! You are aware that the Lord is Omnipresent, Omniscient & Omnipotent. Therefore, you reverently fear God. So, you not only respect your marriage but the marriages of others as well. Marriage should not be taken lightly. In the spiritual sense “two become one” as they are united and committed in their desire to grow in love. True Love has no end. Remember marriage ordained by GOD is; “HOLY MATRIMONY!”
Always remember and keep in mind what the WORD teaches us. Each spouse should seek to become perfect in the LORD. It is God Himself who ordained marriage from the very beginning. So, this is not an unattainable goal. However, it requires dedication, love, patience, and perseverance. This is quite often misunderstood from a carnal perspective. Remember, becoming perfect in the Lord means to become complete in HIM, not flawless. Nor do we use excuses or condone anything that goes against God’s Word. Everything that you will ever need for Life & Living can be discovered in an ever-growing personal intimate relationship with the Lord. We never get to the point that we do not need God. This is why He has given us our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and His precious Holy Spirit and Comforter.
GOD wants us to be united in HOLY MATRIMONY!
In of ourselves we will always fall short. But God is able to keep us from falling. HIS Holy Spirit is always present to HELP US. HE IS THE ULTIMATE COMFORTER. It is our choice to seek God’s will & way. As you begin to really embrace the TRUTH of HIS WORD you can responsively say; “I CAN DO ALL THINGS through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS ME” Philippians 4. It is also our choice to become disciplined and constantly reach for HIS HOLY HELP! It is good to know that God is omnipresent.
In marriage you learn to give up “me-ness for we-ness!”
Self-control helps you to honor your marriage vows. You choose to not let the world and its ever-changing morality influence your commitment to one another. Instead, together you elect to influence the world with God’s principles. You confront issues in love. It is important to not let resentment fester. You embrace your vows and commence to live out your lives working together through any difficulties. You realize that it is mere spiritual warfare designed to pull you away from your Center. All was remember, “GOD IS LOVE!” When God is truly the Center of your marriage, your love blossoms and continuously grows as you learn to soar through life and enjoy the many mountaintop experiences as well. Life can become difficult at times. Yes, there will also be some low times. Without the lows you would not appreciate the highs mountain top moments. God can always bring balance into our lives. Just make it a goal that the lows are few… But together you commit to rise above them. Keep the embers of love flowing… Remember God’s love is eternal for; “GOD IS LOVE!”
The Fruit of the Spirit are essential virtues that have precious intrinsic worth that will solidify your marriage. Know without doubt that; “GOD IS LOVE!” and that His love is eternal. He is also the Creator of marriage. Love is part of the Fruit of HIS SPIRIT. LOVE is truly a priceless GIFT from the LORD. When you both strive to build a healthy living environment that welcomes love, harmony; trust and respect together you really can build a fulfilling, satisfying strong everlasting marriage.
A godly marriage is a covenant agreement known as; HOLY MATRIMONY.
Part 9
No. 3 0f 3
