Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 4

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!

Growing and maturing beyond resentment!

Part 4

When do you know that you have has been delivered?

When you receive something that was mailed or sent to you; you “get it.”

Therefore when you understand the situation that has been bogging you down clearly, you also “get it!” You can then move forward and take control rather than let it take control of you. You must come out of denial and acknowledge that it occurred. Now you have decided to move forward but you will not allow it to consume your attention anymore. Whenever it surfaces you pray & “FOCUS” your attention elsewhere. You have actually taken control of it by releasing it to the Lord and now you are all the wiser because of the experience. You know where you do not want to go!

You can choose to become whole! Depression wants to consume your joy! It is important to remember that depression surfaces when you allow your unresolved anger to turn inward. Resentment means to feel again. Instead of letting go you hold on to the hurt and pain which fuels unhealthy emotions and holds you captive. Understanding what is gong on helps you to “Break Free!”

You no longer will allow the resentment to hinder you from moving forward to becoming a “better you!” You refuse to get stuck! Time is precious and you do not want to spend too much of it in regrets. You can now see the experience as having gained some deeper insight because of that particular “Life Lesson.” You do not always need to explain why, because your understanding has matured and your healthy self-esteem has begun to flourish since you take responsibility for your own emotional responses.

You are moving towards and choosing to live to please God and your confidence in Him is now growing as well. Always remember everywhere you are God is!

You can move forward. Some unconsciously choose to stay “stuck.” Some simply don’t care either way they have grown accustomed to anxiety. It has become and unhealthy “insecurity blanket!” Rather than let the resentment go they may elect to anesthetize themselves with drugs, alcohol, smoking, promiscuity, gossip, over or under eating or some other reckless behavior or distraction. This unhealthy behavior will only lead to further disappointment and possibly more addictions rather than freedom. Abusive outbursts and out of control undisciplined behavior is the unhealthy response rather than deal with the inner pain. You can break the cycle. But it takes work & dedication!

Know that GOD wants you to be Happy. He wants you to experience the Fruit of His Spirit. See Galatians 5. Jesus overcame sin in the flesh for us! We are not to make anyone else responsible for our happiness. Being happy is each individual’s personal responsibility. As a believer God’s Holy Spirit is always there to help us at all times. Sin is what separates us from God! We must humbly submit and be willing to repent of any sin. Then we can keep moving forward to wholeness!

Part 5

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Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 5

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!

Growing and maturing beyond resentment

Part 5

Time is precious and many prefer to spend it unhappy and tethered to their pain. Not because they want to but because they have not chosen to reach to something greater than themselves. First you must remember and truly believe, “I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me!” Now begin to shake it loose! Don’t just say it; do it!

God has a better way! Introspection is healthy when you look inward to attend to your part of the problem. Rather than merely find fault with the offending party you desire to seek and to resolve your own inner conflict. If you have been victimized know that the offending party has responded to you foolishly and irresponsibly. Your desire is to grow beyond the pain and or shame of the experience and mature moving forward from the painful “Life Lesson” on to another level of understanding. You have now learned how to better guard your heart and keep yourself out of harm’s way. You now will focus upon concentrating your efforts to get better and doing things differently.

Hmm, you just may even elect to take a Self Defense class to further build your confidence.

You cannot change what has happened but you can step out on Faith and really trust GOD!

Let love arise! There is no emotion stronger or more powerful than love. “God is love!” Few really understand what true love is… There is absolutely nothing that God is not aware of. He knows everything that has ever happened to you and everyone else and He still loves you. Nurture your desire to live to please God! This of course is more easier said than done. Keep in mind God created you and He has a purpose just for you. No matter how similar we may appear He breaks the mold every time.

You are The Designer’s original. Strive to become the “Best You!” Therefore diligently seek to discover His true love that only comes from Him. Embrace it and it will ripen and mature within you and the Fruit of His Spirit will continue to multiply and manifest within your life. His Light will begin to shine even brighter through you. However, pride must step aside and humility must come to the forefront. How? By exercising discipline and self-control. Know this; “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world!

I will say this again; Time is precious and life is too short to spend the majority of it unhappy and full of resentment. Do not let others pull you into their unhappiness. Instead place your focus and trust upon the LORD. HE wants you to be strong, healthy & happy. Life will always present its challenges. Invite God into the messiness of every area of your life and allow Him to help you become “more than a conqueror.” Why? Only, “He can give you His Peace that surpasses the understanding of man.” This is also why we all so need Jesus Christ as Savior & Lord! “He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly” in every way!

You can recover from resentment. Let go of that load and yoke up with the Lord. He can balance and lift your load. You have to trust God enough to let Him replace that void. So commence to take those bricks of resentment off your back and begin today building a better future taking control of your emotions. You can not make someone else choose happiness. You cannot make them be loyal or committed to you or to the Lord. But you can commit yourself to the Lord! You can build your hope and trust upon the Most High God! I assure you that you will become a lot happier!

Now since you “get it!” Get busy nurturing yourself and start moving forward to wholeness today because tomorrow is not promised. With the Lord by your side;”Be as wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove” Matthew 10. Keep moving forward towards wholeness helps you release what has been and make way for what will be. Keep stepping towards growing and maturing beyond resentment! Allow God His place within your life so His spiritual fruit can begin to internally ripen within your inner being. The Fruit of His Spirit is; “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” See Galatians 5. Forgive your self, let go of the pain and move forward. As you choose the path of freedom and wholeness you can begin to enjoy life leaving the resentment behind! God has a plan for you and He does not want you bogged down in resentment. Now that you “get it” let go and really let God!”

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Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 3

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!

Growing and maturing beyond resentment

Part 3

The Word of God teaches us that “We are more than conquerors” When we conquer something we master it! We become better because of it, rather than letting it overtake us. The Word is “Alive & Powerful!” It is a mighty spiritual weapon that cuts and yields healing! It is effective when we believe it, embrace the intended principles and actually implement it within our daily lives. As we trust God the fear of whatever it is, diminishes and there goes the resentment. We are then able to begin to step out on Faith and trust God to lead us through whatever it may be differently.

How will I know that I have given up the resentment?

You will realize that you have been delivered from the resentment once you do not let it unfavorably trigger your emotions.

You no longer hold unto it like a useless security blanket that is full of holes.

You now elect to respond or not respond by instead embracing self-control.

You do not let the situation or incident dictate your feelings.

You do not allow it to trigger your emotions.

You do not allow your pride to take the forefront and govern your actions. Nor do you reach for something outside of you to numb and dull your senses.

You are now committed to moving forward. Once you have genuinely let the resentment go you accept that you have constructively confronted the issue(s) head on. It is no longer acceptable to once again allow yourself to be pulled into despair.

One must commit to take the higher road and focus upon the Lord by; Shaking yourself loose & put yourself in check!

God has no grandchildren. He is the ultimate Father that always knows what is best for us. He is the Most High God. So at whatever age you may be, know that you will always need to be willing to humble yourself and submit to His Will & His Way! We submit as an obedient child does to an honorable parent but we are not to be childish. We daily strive to growing onward towards spiritual maturity. We begin reprogramming our minds to reach to God first. We must be willing to eat more “humble pie” as we embrace humility which is a part of the Fruit of His Spirit.

We can better build stronger benevolent character within ourselves as we submit to God’s way and relinquish our own way. This is a lifelong process. It is evil and sinful to think that we know better than God. Sin is what separates us from God. There is no true inner peace apart from God. We are totally transparent to God. He knows us all from the inside out. The goal is to seek to please the Lord every day. I assure you that you will be a lot happier!

See Part 4

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Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 2

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!


Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 2

Resentment leaves an endless void that one attempts to fill with things that are usually unhealthy for them. You avoid confronting what is bothering you. There is a way out of this.

Marriage is the perfect place to learn properly how to deal with resentment. You two are supposed to be life partners. Like it or not you vowed to help one another become the best that each of you can be? Or were those just words? However each spouse must be willing to take responsibility for their part!

You cannot change what has happened but you can begin to learn how to “let go” of any resentment. Letting go does not mean that you continue to allow the action(s) to occur again. It means that you make a conscious effort to make some behavior changes. Insanity is; “dong the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

Many marriages suffer because resentment is what binds the husband and wife together. Life has become a tally board of how many times they have hurt one another or allowed others to hurt them. Instead of becoming transparent and drawing closer to one another. They all too often run to their friends and seek their support rather than seeking to resolve the problem within their marriage.

There is nothing wrong with talking with your friends, relatives or having a support group. There is nothing wrong with having a therapist, counselor, life coach or any other professional service. Be sure that you are honest if you want favorable results. Just make sure that you do not relay the incident in a way that you are supported when or if you are in the wrong. This will not really help you, your family, friends nor your marriage. This does not mean that the experience was not painful or wrong! You instead seek to become empowered by the incident once you commit to resolve the related unresolved anger. Why? Because you want to be free from it. Or do you really? This means that you will have to allow the pain to dissipate that is associated with what has transpired. But it must first be allowed to come to the Light so you can properly deal with it.

You will have to build a bridge of emotional stability across it to not let it hold you captive any longer. It does not mean that you have to forget. It means that you will have to confront yourself and how you have allowed whatever it is to remain unresolved.

See part 3

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Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 1

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!


Growing and maturing beyond resentment

Part 1

Resentment can kill or deteriorate any marriage, home, family or relationship if it is not properly dealt with. Resentment means you feel over and over the pain or distaste associated with an act or deed that has been made against you.

Avoiding conflict or not confronting how you feel and just stowing it away causes resentment to grow and fester. It is healthier to validate your feelings. Resentment hurts you more than it hurts the person you are resenting!

Merriam Webster Dictionary defines resentment as such: “a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.” You can feel resentment towards a spouse, parent, relative, friend, neighbor, boss, coworker, abuser or even a stranger. Just know if you do not address the associated issue, resentment will keep you fixated upon a momentary encounter for years. It will rob you from moving forward when a lot of the time the person has no clue that you are stuck in an abyss of not liking what was said, done or transferred upon your soul.

Do not let resentment become the theme of your life, marriage or relationship! Letting go of resentment does not mean that you forget what has happened. Many are quick to say “forgive & forget.” Some things you do not want to forget you want to remember in order to prevent them from happening again. You do however want to work through the hurt or pain associated with it so it therefore no longer holds you captive. You want to file it away in a healthy manner so that it no longer becomes a trigger for anger nor does it negatively impacts your life. Healing is welcomed because you do want to become whole!

See part 2

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How Do I Love Thee: Food For Thought Before You Say I DO – Goodreads Book Giveaway

How Compatible are We? Ready for Intimacy? Commitment? The Marriage Bed? In-laws or Out-laws?

Many couples spend a great deal of time planning their wedding, but little time planning their marriage. They have not taken the time to have candid open discussion as to what happens after the wedding. Planning your wedding is important, but so is planning your marriage.

How Do I Love Thee:Food For Thought Before You Say “I DO” is a mini-premarital guide to be used by couples, counselors, and clergy. It addresses many of the major subjects couples should discuss prior to marriage.

Included are interactive lessons and assignments for the couple which are designed to motivate serious thought about love, compatibility, commitment, finances, accountability, responsibility, dealing with the in-laws, the marriage bed, and more.

Enter the Goodreads Book Giveaway below for a chance to win a FREE autographed copy.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

How Do I Love Thee by DeBorrah K. Ogans

How Do I Love Thee

by DeBorrah K. Ogans

Giveaway ends February 10, 2016.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control” Part 9 No. 2 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass

Part 9

No. 2 of 3

Marriage is a spiritual battle ground in this 21st century. Look around you! Division wants to nest itself within your marriage; so be aware! Have you noticed the frequency in which couples are divorcing? Why is this? Many enter into marriage without first really getting to know this person who they have promised to love and cherish.

Take the time to get to know one another better rather than to simply co exist. For your marriage to endure it is important to build a strong foundation.

Self-control is a viable component of a strong healthy marriage! There are many forces at works to create havoc within your marriage. One must pray for discernment! It is important that you make your marriage and one another’s wellbeing a priority. Self-control when consistently exercised will help both of you enhance and safeguard your marriage.

Marriage is serious business and is not for immature people. Immaturity is ageless so just because you are getting older does not necessarily mean that you are ready. There are some things you need to consider. Selfishness and either spouse being self-centered will hinder your marriage from growing in a healthy manner.

Marriage ideally is for two imperfect people who desire to mature and want to grow together and become better individuals working together as a committed team. Marriage should not be taken lightly. In the spiritual sense “two become one” they are united in their desire to grow in love!

In marriage you learn to give up “me ness for we ness!”

Self-control helps you to honor your marriage vows. You choose to not let the world and it’s ever changing morality influence your commitment to one another. Instead together you elect to influence the world. You embrace yours vows and commence to live out your lives working through difficulties.

The Fruit of the Spirit are essential virtues that have intrinsic worth that will solidify your marriage. When you both strive to build a healthy living environment that welcomes love and harmony; together you can build a fulfilling, satisfying marriage!

Part 9
No. 3 0f 3

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self- Control” Part 9 No. 3 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass

Part 9 No. 3

Trust and good communication are crucial values within a good marriage. Transparency and intimacy is built upon trust. It is really important to not rush into making any decisions that will impact the rest of your life. Take time and first consider the consequences! There is much to learn about one another. Work on building good communication skills.

Here are few final things to keep in mind!
Make it a point to have some good healthy quality discussions before you jump heart first into marriage. If you are already married take the time to find out how your spouse feels, thinks and processes their thoughts and emotions. Please don’t just assume. Feelings need to be validated. Have some deep heartfelt discussions. You need to really know what one another values.

Here are a few questions to ponder and discuss!
What are your likes and dislikes? How do feel about children? What your beliefs are in regards to discipline? How do you feel about the manner in why you both handle discipline? How do you both resolve conflict? Who or what do they believe in? How do they feel about God and prayer? What are their moral standards or convictions or do they have any at all… Is faithfulness important? What does it really mean to be faithful? Is divorce an option? These are a few of the many things you want to discuss and ponder in order to build a better marriage!

The growing trend today is to simply just change partners when you are not happy. As an adult you have the right to decide, but you always should consider the long and short term consequences. I recommend taking some time to rid yourself of some of the baggage that you have been carrying before jumping into another marriage. All too often it is just pushed to the side only to rise and cause even greater problems the second or even third time around. If you are already married work with what you have. Take inventory and then set some goals together. It’s important to make plans together, things change so be flexible. Your marriage won’t just work itself out. Now is the time to begin to exercise self-control as well as all the rest of the “Fruit of the Spirit.” After all you have made a Covenant with one another and to God…

Happiness is a choice, so you both need to decide to make this a mutual goal. There will be highs and lows. So always make love deposits of care, concern, respect, romance and thoughtfulness to your marriage. This will help you weather the storms. You cannot change one another. There is always room for improvement in all of us. You can help bring out the better qualities in one another. Your marriage should always be a priority! Working together will have amazing results!

Exercising self-control is a choice! Rather than tearing one another down all the time build one another up! Chastise one another in love instead to encourage self improvement. Have some good healthy dialogue and let what has hindered your marriage to this point go and move forward as partners! Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It means that you have decided to let whatever it is go, and move forward not holding the offense against them. The past becomes a reminder of your decision to let go and move on. Each day now becomes a new day for building a better marriage! Welcome embracing all the “Fruit of the Spirit” everyday! I assure you that in the long run, you will be much happier! Because happiness is a choice!

By the way, if you are divorced, in the process of a divorce married or remarried try really hard to not involve the children in your disputes. Please don’t use them as message carriers. After all, your first priority should be for their emotional wellbeing. You two were not able to resolve your conflicts. Children are more observant than you think. You have been in an emotional battle and it there are some residual hurt feelings. Give your children the opportunity to express themselves. Model to them the “Fruit of the Spirit” as you all move forward yet separately.

Marriage God’s way can work. But you both must be willing to mutually embrace godly principles and actually implement them within your marriage. So get busy building a marriage that lasts!

“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control…” Galatians 5.

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control” Part 9 No. 1 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass
Part 9
No. 1 of 3

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness need to be accompanied with self-control. All of the above are components of the “Fruit of the Spirit” that manifests within us as we truly embrace God within our lives. As we consistently spend time in the Word of God and begin to actually implement His principles we grow spiritually. There are major benefits when you both embrace and employ them within your marriage.

We have finally made it to self- control! Although it is the last one listed it is a top priority. There are 9 components to the Fruit of the Spirit. Part 9 of this miniseries will conclude in 3 parts so bear with me and read on. Your comments are welcomed!

When you married or whenever you decide to marry it is important to know that marriage is a Covenant Agreement. You made or will make a solemn vow to love your spouse. True love lasts forever! Love is a crucial essential element of a good marriage. It is important to know how your spouse defines and interprets love!

Search the scriptures assiduously to arrive at a better understanding of what love really is. True love continues to grow and flourish. Self-control is a component of love. Love will help you weather the storms of life. It enables you to rise to the peaks and go through the tempestuous valley experiences that often occur, when building a strong, intimate, healthy, satisfying marriage that endures the tests of time.

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit will build a good healthy strong marriage.

Self-Control is so very important! It will help you in every area of your life! Self-control allows you to be controlled from within rather than by any sort of outer, physical, mental, or emotional remote control. You simply don’t just automatically react to anything or anyone and let it trigger an impulsive response. Instead you choose to respond in a responsible manner. Or whenever you do react impulsively you are willing to admit that you were at fault. This is exercising self-control.

Remember practice makes permanent!

Wow! We have finally reached the finale in our quest to encourage you to embrace the “Fruit of the Spirit” within your marriage. The more you practice self-control the better you become at exercising it personally.

Self-control defined is: “the ability to exercise restraint over one’s feelings reactions etc. The act of denying yourself and controlling your impulses.” Keep this definition in mind as we continue on.
Part 9
No. 2 of 3

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit in your marriage “Gentleness” Part 8

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Gentleness”

Couple in Grass

Part 8

The Fruit of the Spirit is actually a natural spontaneous occurrence that happens in our lives as we grow spiritually. Our character and personality is wonderfully shaped as we embrace God’s principles. The Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.

Gentleness is important. Let’s now focus on the benefits of embracing gentleness within our marriage. You can develop a mutually beneficial symbiotically satisfying marital relationship where each partner is respected and appreciated!

Marriage is meant to be an endearing, beautiful, romantic, fulfilling, life long spiritual union coming together as one, between a man and a woman. Your marriage should be equally cherished by both of you. If this is not the case; time to get busy! You have some work to do! Dust off your vows, revisit, renew and now actually implement them within your marriage. Together working as a team you can accomplish great things together!

Your marriage should be or should become a priority if this is not the case. Did you know that you and your spouse are actually co partners in a covenant agreement? You have made promises to one another that go much deeper than a piece of paper! Your marriage will be what you make it… Learning to be sensitive, caring and gentle will help you build a cohesive, enjoyable healthy interconnected marriage. The well being of one another is a priority in this type of marriage. Embracing gentleness allows you to let your guard down with one another! Your weaknesses come to the forefront and you become transparent and open with one another and your trust deepens.

Marriage is meant to be an ongoing exciting life long quest together improving, growing, and becoming the best person you can be. You remain two separate individuals who are dedicated to growing together and working as an unbreakable team working side by side. You chastise and challenge one another. You also complement one another as well as build one another up! Gentleness is important because it allows you not to hide behind the hard shield your personality sometimes develops in order to protect yourself from the world and its influences. You instead allow your spouse to embrace you in a most tangible intimate way that is usually exclusively reserved for marriage. You build healthy boundaries around your marriage. You both commit to do what is best for the marriage. This is why you should not just join yourself to anyone!

When you invite the Lord into your marriage together you are able to weather the multiplicity of storms that life brings your way. When you disagree you stand firm but you don’t allow bitterness and strife to permanently nest itself between you. When one is down the other spouse brings comfort! Gentleness is appropriately and sincerely expressed. You both are equally yoked!

When you do not allow gentleness to become a part of your marriage your hearts instead harden. When you disagree you often become divided and resentment and unforgiveness instead sets in. This is why so many marriages end in divorce. Rather than work through their difficulties and storms they begin to pull you further apart.

Marriage should not be full of drudgery hard harsh words continuous meaningless encounters and a lot of unhappiness. Life is too short. When you build your marriage upon trust and embrace the Fruit of the Spirit your marriage will flourish and endure!

Marriage is the oldest traditional institution known to mankind designed by God. It is the foundational relationship upon which the family was built upon. As you practice gentleness in marriage it becomes a part of who you are! You are better able to balance out the harshness that life so often presents. You have an abiding peace between you. The core of who you are is openly shared with your spouse and you both are totally exposed to the Lord! You both have committed to submitting to the Lord’s will and way in your lives by honoring your marriage vows! When a couple yields to the Lord His fruit will begin to multiply and manifests within their marriage. Gentleness allows your hearts to cleave together! What God has truly joined together man cannot pull apart…

The last and next very important part of the Fruit of the Spirit is Self Control. Embracing self control will help you in every area of your life!

“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, and Gentleness and …” Galatians 5.

Part 9

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