Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”
Part 9 No. 3
Trust and good communication are crucial values within a good marriage. Transparency and intimacy is built upon trust. It is really important to not rush into making any decisions that will impact the rest of your life. Take time and first consider the consequences! There is much to learn about one another. Work on building good communication skills.
Here are few final things to keep in mind!
Make it a point to have some good healthy quality discussions before you jump heart first into marriage. If you are already married take the time to find out how your spouse feels, thinks and processes their thoughts and emotions. Please don’t just assume. Feelings need to be validated. Have some deep heartfelt discussions. You need to really know what one another values.
Here are a few questions to ponder and discuss!
What are your likes and dislikes? How do feel about children? What your beliefs are in regards to discipline? How do you feel about the manner in why you both handle discipline? How do you both resolve conflict? Who or what do they believe in? How do they feel about God and prayer? What are their moral standards or convictions or do they have any at all… Is faithfulness important? What does it really mean to be faithful? Is divorce an option? These are a few of the many things you want to discuss and ponder in order to build a better marriage!
The growing trend today is to simply just change partners when you are not happy. As an adult you have the right to decide, but you always should consider the long and short term consequences. I recommend taking some time to rid yourself of some of the baggage that you have been carrying before jumping into another marriage. All too often it is just pushed to the side only to rise and cause even greater problems the second or even third time around. If you are already married work with what you have. Take inventory and then set some goals together. It’s important to make plans together, things change so be flexible. Your marriage won’t just work itself out. Now is the time to begin to exercise self-control as well as all the rest of the “Fruit of the Spirit.” After all you have made a Covenant with one another and to God…
Happiness is a choice, so you both need to decide to make this a mutual goal. There will be highs and lows. So always make love deposits of care, concern, respect, romance and thoughtfulness to your marriage. This will help you weather the storms. You cannot change one another. There is always room for improvement in all of us. You can help bring out the better qualities in one another. Your marriage should always be a priority! Working together will have amazing results!
Exercising self-control is a choice! Rather than tearing one another down all the time build one another up! Chastise one another in love instead to encourage self improvement. Have some good healthy dialogue and let what has hindered your marriage to this point go and move forward as partners! Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It means that you have decided to let whatever it is go, and move forward not holding the offense against them. The past becomes a reminder of your decision to let go and move on. Each day now becomes a new day for building a better marriage! Welcome embracing all the “Fruit of the Spirit” everyday! I assure you that in the long run, you will be much happier! Because happiness is a choice!
By the way, if you are divorced, in the process of a divorce married or remarried try really hard to not involve the children in your disputes. Please don’t use them as message carriers. After all, your first priority should be for their emotional wellbeing. You two were not able to resolve your conflicts. Children are more observant than you think. You have been in an emotional battle and it there are some residual hurt feelings. Give your children the opportunity to express themselves. Model to them the “Fruit of the Spirit” as you all move forward yet separately.
Marriage God’s way can work. But you both must be willing to mutually embrace godly principles and actually implement them within your marriage. So get busy building a marriage that lasts!
“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control…” Galatians 5.
Keeping The Lines of Communication Open
Do you have TEENS?
Living in this audacious, adventurous 21st century with all its technological advances has its advantages. You can keep the lines of communication open or stay in constant contact with anyone at anytime, just about anywhere in the world. You can call, talk, track or text message when you have the right, GPS system, computer, smart phone, I pod, television, blue tooth ear piece, Nintendo DSI, mobile devices or some other…
How often do you get a text?
On the other hand it is hard for some to just “be” in the moment, because they are always texting and calling someone else while in your presence. Their attention is divided between you and somewhere or some else? The quality of time spent is usually minimized. They have a hard time just being in the moment or giving their undivided attention to what’s going on “right now”. Having the capability to be accessible is great. But I believe it is really getting out of hand. Perhaps there should be some “rules of etiquette ” honored and accountability exercised when alone or while in public or in the presence of others? And what about the teens?
Reina Hardesty is young lady now. When she was but a 13 year old teen, from Southern California, She was an amazing, creative, prolific texter. How she ever managed to get anything else done I wonder? She actually sent approximately 500 texts daily that totaled 14,528 text in one month. It is a good thing that her father had unlimited texting plan. Otherwise, at 20 cents per text his bill would have been somewhere around a whopping $2,905!!! After her parents found out they set some boundaries “no texting after dinner.”
Boundaries are good they make us feel safe!
I wonder what texting almost 24/7 does as far as their overall health is concerned? How much healthy sleep can one get? How much time for homework or anything else for that matter? Is texting addicting? At what point is it considered so…
Wait there’s more! Emilee Cox, another witty, vivacious, energetic, teen texter at 14 years young, smashed Reina’s record. At 74 text per each hour she was awake, she texted over 35,000 text in one month. She also managed to get good grades.
Miley Cyrus who was a popular teen idol a while back, favorite hobby was going shopping. She really liked Chinese Food and watching “High School Musical with her sisters too. But apparently the famous Miley Cyrus and her older boyfriend were caught texting during Church service way back when. They thought they were being discreet “They got busted! But look at Miley now she is making some interesting videos that I don’t think Hannah Montana’s parents would let her watch…” She is baring before the world her birthday suit. No doubt that the many Hollywood inconsistent unstable lifestyles she has been exposed to has greatly influenced her once quite innocent wholesome behavior. It is important that we give this generation godly relationship models. These are just a few examples of why good role models are needed.
It is important that we keep the lines of communication open with our teenagers. Peer pressure is real. There is always something lurking to pull them off track. For emergencies cell phones are fantastic! We should always be concerned with what is gong on with our young people. They need guidance. The ability to stay in contact is a plus. But here too we also need to establish some “rules of cell phone etiquette.” Especially for our minors before they excel to major problems. These 21st century teens have taken texting to a whole new level.
Here are a few more stats,
*Texting of this nature is nothing new. According to a 2008 Nielsen study, teenagers between the ages of 13 to 17 “ to an average of 1,742 texts a month.
Sextexting is also becoming a growing trend among teens. Sextexting is when revealing photos or messages are sent across a cell phone. It is actuallly flirting with danger. You do not always know how large or who your audience really is. Teens that are caught could possibly be prosecuted as sex offenders. Unknowingly they send pictures or messages with improper content that once they have been published they cannot be retrieved. it is just not a good idea to get so personal anyway. On many occasions they have sent messages to a friend, who sent it to a friend and that friend sent it to … Right now this is even being pursued by some prosecutors to possibly be considered as “child pornography”. So it is important to have a serious chat with them about being careful in this area. Nothing more than “G” rated texting allowed!
Oprah Winfrey even dedicated a whole television show to the perils of America’s newest “OBSESSION” = texting while driving! Did you know that when you text or use a cell phone while driving you significantly increase the chances of having an accident? It is the equivalent of having 4 drinks while driving! You are driving with a decreased attention span. It is called “Distracted Driving! “ You are not only putting your life in jeopardy but the lives of many others as well! The show is inclusive of many who have experienced the consequences of someone using a cell phone while driving. The statistics of the many casualties are mesmerizing and alarming!
Ms Winfrey asks that everyone designate their car as a ‘”NO PHONE ZONE!” She goes so far to have a campaign asking you to sign a contract agreeing to do so. The contract is available on her website! During the show one mother is interviewed. Her story; As she approaches her home after a Dr.’s appointment she sees a little girl lying in the streets surrounded by a crowd! She sees a mangled bike… Much to her dismay the distraught mother realizes it is her little girl and the emergency crew are attempting to pull her clothes off ……. The little girl was “15 PEDALS “ FROM HER FRONT DOOR! The driver was on her cell phone! After intensive care in the hospital two days later her beautiful little girl dies…
This is one of many. This show is a must see!!
Texting while driving is also hazardous. No sneaking a text in because no one’s watching. Watch the road! Another big, No! No! We need to be in contact but we also need to give them guidelines. I think that a simple contract might possibly be a viable solution. If they are old enough to have a cell phone they should be responsible enough to make a contract that is reviewed often and renegotiated when or if necessary. Hmmmm possibly limiting their calling by giving them a restricted calling plan? Knowing that you are going to randomly review their messages, Hmmm…This really is to let them know that you care enough to take the time to show that you are concerned and they matter. Of course they won’t see it this way…
In this high tech society it may be hard. But, keeping the lines of communication open is important! Let them know you are there for them and they matter! Give them kudos whenever the opportunity arises. It is crucial and beneficial to make sure that you take the time to spend quality time with them without a television, computer, smart phone, I pod, CD player, blue tooth ear piece or some other distraction… Having some great one on one personal quality time is a most. By the way giving them some healthy boundaries helps them feel secure. Giving them boundaries and restrictions lets them know that you care enough to say “No!” and mean it. They might not like it all the time but you should be more concerned about what is best for them rather than what they want? If they have strayed into the jungle of this world; It is never too late to help them turn their lives around. There is no POWER stronger than TRUE LOVE! They so need a dose of true love. You should be a parent before you are a friend to your child. If you are a friend you should model and uphold God’s standards to your friends. Your children will grow up soon enough and can then do however they please. But the modeled godly principles will have a long lingering effect upon their conscious. You may lose and gain some friends in the course of life when you take a strong godly stance but in the end it is worth it. Either way you will have been a good friend… As believers our first priority and agenda should be to say: “it is written!” Not to hurt but to bring forth spiritual, emotional and physical healing Nothing is more precious than time! It goes by really fast. Really get to know your teens; just maybe they won’t feel the need to take up sextexting?
God knows your thoughts, motives, desires and intentions. He even knows why and what you are praying for before you make your request known! God’s omniscience is often overlooked. Omniscience means God has universal awareness, understanding and insight. There is nothing that is said, thought about or done, anywhere or any place that He is not aware of. Omnipotent means God virtually has infinite unlimited authority or influence. Omnipresence is another attribute that solely belongs to God. God is everywhere at all times. How do I access the Father? Jesus is the door. Jesus is the way to the Father! It is through prayer we communicate with Him. Once you truly commit your life to Jesus Christ you are adopted into the family of God. He is the one and only Almighty Sovereign God!
Did you know that prayer is the key to your relationship with the Lord? Prayer is simply communication with God. Prayer is a supplication or expression that should be expressed earnestly and sincerely. Prayer is often sometimes inaudible. God tells us in His Word that we should pray without ceasing. Prayer in this circumstance is essentially a state of mind. God even tells us to go into your closet and close the door and pray to your Father who is unseen. “Then your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.” He can open doors no man can close. God is so GOOD! Prayer time with God will give you a healthy and clear conscience. Prayer is not always asking God for something. We should readily thank God for all He has done when we pray. It is in HIM we move and live and have our being! God is truly worthy of our thanks and praise!
If you are a child of GOD you should relish your personal prayer time with your Father. God is aware of what we need as well as what we do not need. This is why it is so important that we are honest and sincere when we call upon His name. Remember prayer is not always asking God for something! It is not something we just do in the presence of others to get their attention. But when others are in attendance you should include them in prayer. Prayer is not just mere words we utter repetitively. Prayer is not a time to just let those who are present know how you feel. The effectiveness is not determined by the cadence, tone or volume of your voice. It is not just a time to just emotionally charge others. It really is the content and posture of your heart that concerns God. To humbly and sincerely usher oneself into the presence of the Lord one must relinquish self. Any unconfessed sin hinders your prayer encounter. With God you must be real! When you truly enter into the presence of the Lord it can change the unchangeable. Prayer can heal a broken heart, life, home or relationship. The things that are impossible with man are possible with God! “Oh give thanks unto the Lord for He is GOOD and His mercy endureth forever!” It is important when we pray, that we pray, God’s will be done in our lives.
The prophet Jeremiah kept in constant prayer with the Lord. Jeremiah was called to remind Israel of the consequences of disobedience. Jeremiah fervently reminded them of their immoral behavior. The religious establishment plotted to silence Jeremiah. Jeremiah was discouraged. to the point he began to wonder why he was not allowed to just die in his mother’s womb. In his despair Jeremiah cries out to the Lord. He tries to keep quiet since he is constantly mocked for proclaiming God’s Truth. The Word of the Lord is so vehement in his soul that he can not contain it. This is when he says “His Word is in my heart like fire. A fire shut up in my bones.” Jeremiah knew that they were waiting for him to slip. Jeremiah was maturing as a prophet. He knew that the Lord wanted him to continue. He even went so far to tell them if they put him to death that his innocent blood would be on their hands. When the Lord gives you an assignment it is very important that you keep in constant communication with Him. When pressured to conform it is important to be transformed by the renewing of your mind by the Word of God. God in His time will bring everything to the light. God will never lead you to do anything that goes against his principles. Jeremiah’s life demonstrates how important it is to remain faithful to God. Sometimes we must forego the support of others rather than disobey God. Prayer is the key to help you stay focused if you are ever faced with such a situation.
Did you know God can not be manipulated? There is a big difference between uniformity and unity! It is not necessary to manipulate situations or people to get your way. This is why it is important to pray and ask God if something is in His will for you. God allows many things. He did not create us to be robots. Proverbs tell us that there is a way that seems right to man? But the end will eventually lead to destruction. Did you know sometimes your way may be out of the will of God? You only hinder the ultimate plan that God has for your life. God wants us to be disciplined. Daily worship and prayer is crucial. This will strengthen your daily spiritual walk. It will also sharpen your ability to discern!
The Scriptures clearly tells us that the prayers of the righteous are powerful! Life is full of snares for the believer. Wide road travelers are plentiful. Fewer desire to travel the narrow way. When we lift Holy hands to Him we acknowledge and invite His presence! We serve an all knowing and wise God! Denial will keep you in the dark. Honesty really is the best policy! God’s angels encamp around those who have committed themselves to His will and His way. This is why His Word is so marvelous! God will direct you through His Word! He will even warn you. God is faithful! He is the ultimate Father He will provide a way out of no way. Personal as well as corporate “Prayer Time” are essential to the body of Christ. We must learn to relinquish our will and strive to choose God’s way.
Did you know that Jesus withstood great persecution and mistreatment? They even called Him a devil. The enemy is the father of lies. He always cloaks or distorts the truth! He always mixes Truth and error. That is when you know that something is not of God! But don’t be dismayed it will only last for a season. Oh! But remember “What a Friend we have in Jesus!” We are to carry everything to Him in prayer. Remember Jeremiah? Sometimes not responding at all is a good idea. Exercising your spiritual muscles will strengthen your walk. God never tempts us to do anything. As you take time daily for your personal worship you will begin to respond differently. Practice “praying without ceasing!” To be a disciple means you actually learn how to discipline yourself to respond in a way that pleases God. You embrace repentance in lieu of accepting denial.
You must begin to exercise self control! You cannot please God and man! God’s way is always the best way. God’s weapons are not carnal. God tells us to “pray for them that despitefully use you!” You see it is really not about how things appear to others. What is important is what God knows! He knows the posture of our hearts. Remember He knows the TRUTH! He also knows when something is not true! He knows everything!
The time we spend here on earth is relatively short in comparison to the time we spend in eternity with God! There is no need to be afraid. But you must be aware evil is about us. God can and will protect you from all evil. Remember the disciples sample prayer? God can and will deliver you from evil! You can genuinely smile or not respond improperly in the midst of trials and persecution. This does not mean that you are in a delusionary frame of mind. Quite the contrary. It just means your focus is on God rather than the situation. Your character will be strengthened and your Faith and Trust will be renewed. Remember with Jesus as the conductor life becomes a symphony! God will free you! Jesus really did die for us to live differently. This is why His Word tells us “Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead be filled with the SPIRIT! Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
The majority of the work of God’s Church is “Beyond The Walls.” Yes, the work within the walls is important. Many work within the walls. Many live to please those within the walls rather than live to please God. I want to share something with you it is a lot easier to please God. God positions His children in different places. “The earth really is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof the world and them that dwell therein.” It is not necessary to jockey for a position when you know that God has a place in the body for you. We must continue to pray for those who are shackled by sin within and without the walls. Who really do not know that the gates of Hell will not prevail against God’s True Church. This scripture is not talking about the physical structure. There is not one iota of doubt in my mind that I am God’s child. If you really know Him you should feel the same way. It is an inexpressible comfort when you have a real personal encounter with the Lord. God is so great! Praise God for His Word.
Did you know that there is only one true Church? If He came to your home would He be welcomed? If He came to your job or your place of business would you acknowledge Him? Honestly ask yourself if Jesus came to your church service would He really be welcomed? Perhaps, only if He were to tithe? Perhaps if he dressed how you think he should? Are you sure of what kind of heart you have? Perhaps if he would conform to your order of service? Only if He sits where you think He should sit? Would you betray Him like Judas? Remember when he threw the money changers out? Jesus said that His Church should be a house of prayer! Did you know that Jesus can provide and will provide for everything you need without manipulating others to give out of guilt? I believe He did say that “HE WOULD SUPPLY ALL OF OUR NEEDS….” Not some but all!
God welcomes repentance! Repent means to change. To turn your mind, heart, body and soul in the direction God is leading. To abandon the prideful direction of having to do things your way and humbly move towards God. You must be willing to admit it when you are wrong. To embrace Truth pleases God! God really wants us to live victoriously. Remember He is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. God is there for you. God has a plan for the lives of each of His children. So there is really no need to be jealous. Your position in the body is the capacity in which you function. Who you are is God’s child. By the way “He is not a respecter of persons”. God really does know and see what we do. It is much better to just want the things that God wants you to have, to desire to live out HIS WILL in your life!
There is much peace when you really know you are walking in the path of RIGHTEOUSNESS! How will you know when God is leading you? This is why it is so important to pray and obey! This will help you not get sidetracked by what others say or do! Know that God has power over darkness. Again it is during your prayer time you can be refueled and prepared for the fiery darts. God let’s nothing come our way that He is not aware of. It is our responsibility to respond in a manner that pleases Him! This will give you a clear conscious. Remember God’s weapons are not carnal. If you don’t stand for God you will fall for anything! When you are adorned with God’s full spiritual armor the shield of faith with extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one! Just exercise patience and pray. God is the author and finisher of our faith. He has given each of His children a measure of faith. “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.
When God created marriage he intended for it to be beautiful. It was designed for companionship. Marriage was not meant to seem like a sentence. It was not meant to be full of on going drudgery. Nor was it meant to neither suffocate, smother, nor repress each others unique individuality. It was made so the realization of “two becoming one flesh” could be realized. It was meant to help mature and grow a man/woman in a husband/wife relationship. To learn how to love, submit, commit, respect, and learn together what it means to work through and out of difficulties as well as enjoy great experiences within the confines of a committed relationship. Having healthy good communication is an important component within a good marriage. I want to encourage you to make it a priority to learn how to effectively communicate to one another. To know where one another are, to consider each others opinions, to be objective and express your self freely. It is important to make a conscious effort to treat your partner with respect. This does not mean that you have to agree on everything. This communicates I care enough to take the time to really get to know you. Having each others best interest at heart is also important. You should also be able to express your concerns if you feel they may be making a wrong decision. When expressing yourself say “I feel” or “I think” in expressing your point of view. You also want to learn to admit when you are in error. No one is right all the time. Part of being a good spouse is saying and doing at times what no one else will. You both have a responsibility to fulfill your commitment to one another as well as to the Lord.
Marriage was really designed as a partnership to help you become all that you were meant to be. Many couples often live as strangers. Within the boundaries of marriage you should grow to be able to spiritually, mentally, emotionally and yes physically openly learn to express your deepest inner thoughts in a healthy way. It is important to really get to know this person you have committed to. Ask yourself do you honor God in your relationship? Is submission a part of your marriage? It is important to include and seek the Lord’s direction and trust Him to teach you how to build a healthy relationship. It is never too late to start if you have not already. Does your marriage include intimacy? God our Creator is a God of order. You should never get to the place where you think you do not need to consult the Lord.
God made the heavens and the earth which were spoken into existence through His Word. The Word became flesh and “dwelt among us”. The Word as revealed in the scriptures tells us He is Jesus Christ. (See John 1) After creating the man from the dust of the earth God took the man He had created and placed him in the garden to take care of it. The one thing that Adam did not have was a companion “a suitable helper.” All the animals that God made already had partners. No doubt that Adam was brilliantly intelligent. Adam personally named all the animals. God caused Adam to go into a deep sleep and from within Adam He took one of His rib bones and made him a woman. She was taken from within Adam to be with Him as his God given partner. Someone to share his life with. Adam named her Eve. Initially they were open and not ashamed. They were even physically naked. It was not until after they had disobeyed God that they actually realized they were naked. (See the rest of the story in Genesis)
We are all naked before God. He knows us from the inside out. God is Omniscient meaning all knowing. There is absolutely nothing He does not know. Think about it for a moment, does not our Creator/ Manufacturer know our intended purpose? So why is it we do not consult Him whenever a problem, situation or issue arises? You listen to everyone else? God did not intend for us to look to the world for a marriage model. This is one of the major reasons why nearly 60% of marriages don’t succeed. I have been observing marriage relational dynamics for many years. No two marriages are alike. We are all very different. But God’s principles must be included if you really want your relationship to succeed.
One of the biggest problems in marriage or any other relationship really is poor communication. To communicate means to convey a thought, idea or relay information clearly. To transport information so that it is satisfactorily received or understood. Listening is crucial; it is a necessary component when one desires to effectively communicate. Communication is both verbal and nonverbal. Good healthy communication manifests when you are able to openly connect with who ever you are trying to communicate to.
Many problems and issues arise, when the time is not taken to communicate directly to each other this only further compacts the situation. If you have not taken the time to develop intimate communication with your spouse now is the time to get started. How do I do this? Stop hiding behind issues and past hurts. Get over them. Stop hanging on to the things that you cannot change. This does not mean that you forget. It means that you no longer hold whatever has happened against them. You instead choose to become wiser from whatever has transpired. When past issues become current issues what do you do? You must deal with them. Don’t allow too much time to go by. Confrontation in marriage is important. Otherwise the issue will become cancerous and nibble at the core of your relationship. The marital relationship was really designed to encourage transparency. This encourages and develops trust and intimacy. Intimacy will give you a responsible freedom because you are able to trust one another. It is really important to pray for as well as with one another. In many cases there have been such poor marriage role models that you simply do not know what to do. Many people who are married are lonely. This really does not have to be. Don’t settle for a superficial relationship that is on for public view. Think about it God is always present! Learn to live on a deeper level. Learn to become sensitive to one another’s needs. Your needs are important but not to the extent that you overlook the needs of your spouse. Some needs have exclusively been reserved to be met only within marriage. This does not mean that you can, nor are you responsible for the fulfillment of all of their needs.
Don’t just assume that your spouse knows something, or is happy or….. Many have just not learned the benefits of being open in marriage. (This is not at all the same as having an open marriage. In that case why marry at all?) It takes time to develop and build effective communication. How well do you really know this person you have committed to? Being open is the catalyst that ajars the door for developing effective communication. One must learn to listen as well, in order to effectively communicate. Don’t think short term, think long term. Get to know this person that you have committed to love, honor and …….. Or was that too just for the people? Don’t always mentally construct your response or rebuttal as you listen. Let it be your goal to attentively listen to whatever your spouse or anyone is trying to convey to you. If you are really interested in improving your relationship you must also learn how to listen. Taking the time to listen attentively to how your spouse feels validates that you care, value and are genuinely concerned about them. This helps them to open up. Remember, God intended for your spouse to be your “helpmeet”. Listening effectively is an art. The next time you talk to them really listen. Check yourself out and see how well you listen? If necessary repeat what they have said to confirm you heard correctly what they were trying to convey. Don’t always personalize everything they say. This will help you dispel erroneous and distorted conclusions or assumptions. Effective listening says you really want to hear what is being conveyed.
A good strong marriage or any other relationship for that matter consists of good communication. You do not have to agree with what is being conveyed. Sometimes just being a sounding board is necessary. You want to create an environment in which you do not have to feel like you are walking on egg shells. A major complaint in marriage is that my spouse does not understand me. Do you understand your spouse? Don’t make it a habit of always waiting until you are angry to fuel your ability to say how you feel. Plan ahead a time when you together can talk about whatever concerns you. Here is the opportunity to acquire some self-control skills. Think about it. Flying off the handle is really letting someone control you by remote. In this case your emotions only get the best of you and you impulsively say a lot of stuff that you can’t take back. You have actually stored it up, and bottled it up, to the point that it has fermented and become toxic. When this is the case it often results in flaring hot tempers which just usually yields more hurt feelings. If this is the case change is necessary in order to develop a healthier way to communicate.
The scriptures tell us “to be angry and sin not.” God does not tell us to do something that is not possible. Think about it now that you are calm and centered. Your feelings are important; they do need to be validated. Exercising self control strengthens your ability to not let your feelings control you. You should really want to create an environment where both of you can openly share how you feel. You also want to be able to freely express yourself even when you don’t agree about something. When you are always usually fueled by anger to express yourself it often leads to a breakdown or barrier in the relationship. Please don’t use that “nobody’s perfect” excuse to justify your ranting and ravings. Self control is a virtue. This does not mean that you stuff how you feel and just let any and everyone walk over you. It means that the majority of the time you choose to decide how you want to respond or not respond or simply just overlook. Rather than to just simply react. Don’t make everything an issue. Just observe what happens when and if you go off. Does it get the results you want? Do you really feel better? Or in fact have you just created another barrier? Sometimes no one wants to confront you and tell you if this is the way you are… Confrontation is a healthy part of communication. Constructive criticism really is a good thing. Getting the Lord involved always helps. He is always there. But you are given the free will to choose. You build self control as you exercise it in your life. This also helps to foster an environment in which you can build a healthier stronger marriage. Don’t ever take one another for granted. If you have; change it. You do not have to continue to live with dysfunction. The correct way to point the finger is in both directions. The good thing about God it’s never too late to change. Are you happy with the way that you communicate with your spouse? Is there room for improvement? Take some time and think about it? There is always room for improvement. Don’t let pride take the forefront in your relationship.