Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness need to be accompanied with self-control. All of the above are components of the “Fruit of the Spirit” that manifests within us as we truly embrace God within our lives. As we consistently spend time in the Word of God and begin to actually implement His principles we grow spiritually. There are major benefits when you both embrace and employ them within your marriage.
We have finally made it to self- control! Although it is the last one listed it is a top priority. There are 9 components to the Fruit of the Spirit. Part 9 of this miniseries will conclude in 3 parts so bear with me and read on. Your comments are welcomed!
When you married or whenever you decide to marry it is important to know that marriage is a Covenant Agreement. You made or will make a solemn vow to love your spouse. True love lasts forever! Love is a crucial essential element of a good marriage. It is important to know how your spouse defines and interprets love!
Search the scriptures assiduously to arrive at a better understanding of what love really is. True love continues to grow and flourish. Self-control is a component of love. Love will help you weather the storms of life. It enables you to rise to the peaks and go through the tempestuous valley experiences that often occur, when building a strong, intimate, healthy, satisfying marriage that endures the tests of time.
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit will build a good healthy strong marriage.
Self-Control is so very important! It will help you in every area of your life! Self-control allows you to be controlled from within rather than by any sort of outer, physical, mental, or emotional remote control. You simply don’t just automatically react to anything or anyone and let it trigger an impulsive response. Instead you choose to respond in a responsible manner. Or whenever you do react impulsively you are willing to admit that you were at fault. This is exercising self-control.
Remember practice makes permanent!
Wow! We have finally reached the finale in our quest to encourage you to embrace the “Fruit of the Spirit” within your marriage. The more you practice self-control the better you become at exercising it personally.
Self-control defined is: “the ability to exercise restraint over one’s feelings reactions etc. The act of denying yourself and controlling your impulses.” Keep this definition in mind as we continue on.
No. 2 of 3
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Gentleness”
The Fruit of the Spirit is actually a natural spontaneous occurrence that happens in our lives as we grow spiritually. Our character and personality is wonderfully shaped as we embrace God’s principles. The Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.
Gentleness is important. Let’s now focus on the benefits of embracing gentleness within our marriage. You can develop a mutually beneficial symbiotically satisfying marital relationship where each partner is respected and appreciated!
Marriage is meant to be an endearing, beautiful, romantic, fulfilling, life long spiritual union coming together as one, between a man and a woman. Your marriage should be equally cherished by both of you. If this is not the case; time to get busy! You have some work to do! Dust off your vows, revisit, renew and now actually implement them within your marriage. Together working as a team you can accomplish great things together!
Your marriage should be or should become a priority if this is not the case. Did you know that you and your spouse are actually co partners in a covenant agreement? You have made promises to one another that go much deeper than a piece of paper! Your marriage will be what you make it… Learning to be sensitive, caring and gentle will help you build a cohesive, enjoyable healthy interconnected marriage. The well being of one another is a priority in this type of marriage. Embracing gentleness allows you to let your guard down with one another! Your weaknesses come to the forefront and you become transparent and open with one another and your trust deepens.
Marriage is meant to be an ongoing exciting life long quest together improving, growing, and becoming the best person you can be. You remain two separate individuals who are dedicated to growing together and working as an unbreakable team working side by side. You chastise and challenge one another. You also complement one another as well as build one another up! Gentleness is important because it allows you not to hide behind the hard shield your personality sometimes develops in order to protect yourself from the world and its influences. You instead allow your spouse to embrace you in a most tangible intimate way that is usually exclusively reserved for marriage. You build healthy boundaries around your marriage. You both commit to do what is best for the marriage. This is why you should not just join yourself to anyone!
When you invite the Lord into your marriage together you are able to weather the multiplicity of storms that life brings your way. When you disagree you stand firm but you don’t allow bitterness and strife to permanently nest itself between you. When one is down the other spouse brings comfort! Gentleness is appropriately and sincerely expressed. You both are equally yoked!
When you do not allow gentleness to become a part of your marriage your hearts instead harden. When you disagree you often become divided and resentment and unforgiveness instead sets in. This is why so many marriages end in divorce. Rather than work through their difficulties and storms they begin to pull you further apart.
Marriage should not be full of drudgery hard harsh words continuous meaningless encounters and a lot of unhappiness. Life is too short. When you build your marriage upon trust and embrace the Fruit of the Spirit your marriage will flourish and endure!
Marriage is the oldest traditional institution known to mankind designed by God. It is the foundational relationship upon which the family was built upon. As you practice gentleness in marriage it becomes a part of who you are! You are better able to balance out the harshness that life so often presents. You have an abiding peace between you. The core of who you are is openly shared with your spouse and you both are totally exposed to the Lord! You both have committed to submitting to the Lord’s will and way in your lives by honoring your marriage vows! When a couple yields to the Lord His fruit will begin to multiply and manifests within their marriage. Gentleness allows your hearts to cleave together! What God has truly joined together man cannot pull apart…
The last and next very important part of the Fruit of the Spirit is Self Control. Embracing self control will help you in every area of your life!
“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, and Gentleness and …” Galatians 5.
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Faithfulness”
Faithfulness is a very important aspect of building a strong healthy marriage!
Marriage really is about teamwork! Is your marriage really what you expected? Or did you expect things to just happen? Your marriage will not bloom and flourish unless you both put forth an effort. The two of you need to make a conscious genuine attempt to honor your marriage vows. Your health, mental state, physical stamina and well being are greatly impacted by the manner in which you relate in your marriage! Together you have the ability to create a healthy, invigorating, enjoyable, relaxing and harmonious home environment.
Marriage is the ultimate partnership relationship between a man and a woman! A good marriage embraces loyalty and faithfulness! Faithfulness is an expression of love!
It is important to learn to become transparent with your spouse. Marriage is about continuously growing and encouraging one another to become the best person that they can be… This way everyone benefits.
Make it a point to become increasingly aware of one another’s temperaments! Temperament is how we react or respond to people, places and things in any given situation. Temperament is our innate inherent characteristics that make us unique. No two persons are really the same. But two people can learn to live together in harmony as we respect one another. This is how your love grows!
Embrace allowing the “Fruit of the Spirit” to flourish within each of you as well as within your marriage. Chastise one another yes, but speak the truth in love! Timing is key! There are times you must say to your spouse what no one else will say. This is to help one another to grow and improve. Rather than focusing on one another’s shortcomings, look for times to build one another up and encourage one another when the opportunity arises. This also builds transparency and intimacy. Physical and emotional intimacy is important in marriage. This too will enhance your moments of close physical intimacy. A good strong marriage makes you both better and stronger individuals who have one another’s best interest at heart. Learn to lay aside improper or dysfunctional ways that will only hinder your spiritual growth as well as your marriage!
Lovingly, and faithfully work together to make sure that one another’s sexual needs and desires are realized and fulfilled within your marriage. Your physical intimacy becomes yet another committed expression of the depth of your love for one another. Together you can work through any issues that hinder you from freely expressing yourselves to one another… There is no need for shame when expressing what God made to be a beautiful time of coming together! Physically, emotionally and intimately the “two become one flesh” Within marriage the “marriage bed” is honorable in the sight of God. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.” Hebrews 13. You both commit to honor not only your marriage but the marriages of others.
Faithfulness is part of the Fruit of the Spirit! When you are faithful it yields oodles of security! You both know no matter what; that you can trust one another and that you are there for one another. Even when you disagree you have inner peace about your marriage because there is a deep well of trust built into the foundation of your relationship! Your marriage is a high priority! Life is complex and at times very difficult… Everyone has a bad day… So you do not readily personalize your spouse’s every word or frustration. You allow one another to vent when needed… You respect one another and become sensitive to their needs. Do not allow pride to take the reign of your marriage, be humble, caring, discerning and loving. This takes inner strength and patience… Faithfulness allows you to give one another the room to grow and give each other some space whenever necessary.
Marriage is sacred in the eyes of God! Spend some time in His Word and embrace and implement His principles for life and living within your marriage. He is the original Designer of marriage. God’s way really does works when we adhere to His principles! Building a strong loving marriage involves commitment and gentleness. Gentleness is another part of the Fruit of the Spirit we will discuss next in this series. I hope that this has been helpful and you are encouraged to take responsibility for your part in making your marriage successful! When you honor your marriage vows you honor God!
“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness…” Galatians 5.
Faithfulness says that I take my vows to you and to God seriously! That I am here for you no matter what and we can make it through anything! You are not only faithful to one another but you are faithful to God as well! You can invite God into the “messiness” of your life because you know that God is faithful! There are many benefits in learning how to embrace the Fruit of God’s Spirit within marriage! So now let’s move towards learning how to embrace gentleness…
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Goodness”
Did you know that marriage is a sacred, intimate, holy relationship sanctioned by God between a man and a woman? After God created everything and saw that it was good; God saw that the man He had made did not have a helpmeet. The animals, the beasts of the field, the livestock, as well as the birds of the air all had someone to be with… See Genesis 1 for more information.
Adam was alone as a man without someone to help him and spend time with on a human level that he could relate to personally. He too needed someone to be by his side. God had compassion upon Adam. This is what He did; “So God caused Adam to fall in a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and brought her to the man.” Genesis 1. It is here that we get a comprehensible picture of God’s original design for marriage. Out of His goodness and love! God created marriage as a gift to Adam & Eve!
Adam and Eve were naked and they were not ashamed! At this time they were perfect for one another This is before they sinned and decided to instead disobey God and do their own thing. God gives us all free choice! Adam & Eve is the model template for marriage His way! He is the original designer and knows what is best for the man and woman He created. Marriage is serious business. Your marriage will be whatever you together decide to make it!
The goal of marriage is to experience the ultimate oneness that is possible between a man and a woman! Man and woman’s physical structures are anatomically and emotionally designed to fit together as one! Within the context of marriage they are to learn how to meet one another’s need for physical sexual intercourse within the boundaries of marriage! Reproduction and pleasure are possible which usually involves penetration as their sexual organs are joined together. Although sex happens quite often outside of marriage it is not sanctioned by God!
Adam and Eve were joined together and they were not ashamed. They had no limitations on their ability to flourish and grow until they decided to do their own thing. The good thing about marriage, this is where the man and woman can build physical and emotional intimacy in a lifetime committed relationship. Although many marriages in excess of 55% now result in divorce this is not what God intended. “Haven’t you read in the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said; ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19. Marriage between a man and woman in the eyes of God is good!
Today in this 21st century many marriages are falling short of God’s design, but this has not changed His original intentions. God designed marriage to be indissoluble! The pressures of society continue to press upon many to once again “do their own thing!” Please think long and hard before you commit or break your commitment to your marriage. There is much spiritual warfare to split apart marriages, to sow discord among spouses and families and disrupt God’s design for life and living. There are spiritual consequences that are not always apparent… So please be sure when you decide to say “I Do!” If not it is a good thing to remain single if you are not sure or have serious doubts! However it is your choice to have whatever type of relationship(s) you desire…
It is important to spend time with God to better understand His plan for your life.!
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, are all aspects of the Fruit of God’s Spirit! Loyalty, commitment, dedication, monogamy and integrity are some of the many components of a good marriage as well. We can experience unity and empowerment within our marriages as we rely on God’s principles for marriage. Relying on our own wisdom and the ways of the world often increases the risk of relinquishing the plan that God has for our lives! God is faithful! Faithfulness is the next part of the Fruit of God’s Spirit that we will discuss…
Marriage is the first time-honored foundational institution designed by God. It is the ultimate endearing relationship between man and woman sanctioned by God. Marriage is an emotional, spiritual, physically expressive holy union of two hearts joining together as one. Marriage bonds the couple together in love as committed life partners as their hearts are knitted together, and is intended to last a lifetime!
With God as the center of your marriage it can become a marvelous adventurous endless circle! Your marriage is or will be whatever you make it together. Since we are all created uniquely different so are marriages. Marriage takes teamwork! It is important to know what God’s principles for marriage entail. Embracing the Fruit of His Spirit helps to produce healthier marriages. When spouses honor marriage vows they also honor God! This is why marriage is called “Holy Matrimony!”
What is the Fruit of the Spirit?
The Bible teaches us that: “The Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, gentleness & self control.” When you both embrace these principles you are inviting the presence of the Lord into your Marriage! The possibilities become limitless!
Although two separate individuals the potential for achieving “Oneness” in marriage should become a priority! Developing mutual respect and devotion toward one another is a plus. The spiritual aspect of marriage is too often neglected. Think about it for a moment you have made a commitment to your spouse and to God as well!
Love defined God’s way!
Love is often confused with lust! Know that there is a difference. Today many think that letting them do as they please or having whatever they want or telling them what they want to hear is love… Some have what I call “intoxicating affections.” This actually mimics love! There will initially be a strong desire to be with someone but the feelings dissipate over time, and they just don’t last.” This is why you cannot build a good strong marriage on just feelings or emotions. A great marriage in the making takes a lifetime. It will weather the storms of life and provide you with a committed trustworthy spouse!
Think hard and long before you say “I love you!” It is important to become more cognizant of your thoughts, attitudes and actions. As you begin to truly embrace God’s love in your marriage and personal life you will see an amazing difference! God’s definition of love teaches us that; “Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in Truth. It always protects, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails!” I Corinthians 13.
True love is powerful and will motivate you to do what is right by your spouse. Once you have activated your Faith in God and implement His principles within your own life love can begin to abound! Love gives you hope! Hope motivates you to grow and increases your desire to improve!
Benefits of welcoming love!
To welcome love in your marriage is a choice! Make it a priority to really get to know the likes and dislikes of your spouse! Surprise them by doing something that you know that they will really enjoy! When your spouse is happy you both benefit! Of course there will be times that you do not agree. Being unhappy and unfulfilled does not have to be the theme of your marriage. Seek to discover healthier ways to resolve any conflict! Nip disagreements in the bud whenever possible. Learn to appreciate one another! Wherever you are there is always room for improvement! Make it a goal to live a life of quality! When you truly love with godly love, you can also experience His joy!
Benefits of welcoming the Fruit of the Spirit
Peace brings you a sense of inner calmness and serene tranquility! Desiring peace within your marriage is a desirable aspiration. Your marriage is or should become one of your most prized relationships. The desire to achieve a harmonic balance is attractive. Life can become difficult and very complex. It’s important to have a place where you both can retreat from life pressures, hectic schedules and or the constant demand upon your lives. Sometimes the two of you may want to sit back, relax and just “chill!” Working together you really can make it happen!
Is your marriage growing?
Is your marriage all that you want it to be? Are you growing closer together or farther apart? When the two of you married was it because you wanted to build a relationship together? If you have gotten off track get back on! Marriage affords you the opportunity to get to know your spouse on a much deeper level. As you spend more time together you can become sensitive or insensitive to one another,s desires, wants and needs. It’s your choice? Think about it, you both can determine together what type of harmonious home environment you want to create. Or one or the other can simply dominate your household and make it miserable for one another!
There is always room for improvement. Good marriages don’t just happen! Having a home that welcomes peace is relaxing and inviting! It also keeps you both much healthier! Having a peaceful abode does not mean that you have to compromise your values! It does mean that you must deal with situations as they arise rather that allow them to ferment. In other words please do not sweep things under the rug. When appropriate acknowledge that there is a problem. You don’t always have to have an outright brawl… You can table deep discussions for a later agreed time when you both have had a little time to think things over. This way you can begin to more responsibly deal with any issues! Confronting issues is not always easy but necessary! Don’t let the weeds of hostility and anger begin to ravage and unravel your marriage. Keep in mind building a good marriage requires learning how to become considerate of one another’s feelings and emotions.
Building intimacy makes way for a healthier marriage
Time is precious so you do not want to spend the majority of it unhappy, mad, stressed or living on pins and needles. When either one of you has to walk around on eggshells it is not good! You want to learn how to become transparent with one another. This is how you create a healthy bond. You allow one another to see the “real you!” Feelings need to be validated but you can learn to talk about unpleasant issues in a healthier manner! You do so at work or you would not be able to keep your job. Well, how important is your marriage? Good communication is what builds intimacy and welcomes trust!
Marriage is the ultimate partnership for a man and a woman to experience true “Oneness” in every way! In a safe marriage your lovemaking is also enhanced because you can become transparent, open and responsive! The desire for peace in your marriage is an attainable realistic goal. When both husband and wife work together as a team to make their marriage a priority they can accomplish much!
Invite God into the center of your marriage and I assure you your marriage will flourish. After all you included Him in your vows, or did you? Peace is a part of the Fruit of the Spirit! Embracing your marriage vows helps immensely to welcome His peace. God can give you, “His peace that surpasses the understanding of man.” Philippians 4. Your vows will then become much more than mere words and your commitment to one another grows!
In building a healthy marriage together as a team you consciously elect to go through the tests and trials of life together. If and whenever necessary you seek wise godly council. Instead of situations or issues pulling you apart you face them together! This will eventually result in you both becoming more confident in your marriage. Your countenance will even begin to reflect satisfaction and inner fulfillment. Together you strive to empower one another to become the best you! The benefits of the Fruit of the Spirit are apparent! Your love and joy grows! You as a couple can also inspire others to respect and cherish their marriages as well. Marriage is what you make it. You both being on one accord realize that life is a precious journey filled with highs and lows. Your ever increasing commitment to one another is a priority and you welcome peace. Peace yields harmony and harmony yields togetherness!
How Compatible are We? Ready for Intimacy? Commitment? The Marriage Bed? In-laws or Out-laws?
How Do I Love Thee:Food For Thought Before You Say “I DO” is a mini-premarital guide to be used by couples, counselors, and clergy. It addresses many of the major subjects couples should discuss prior to marriage.Included are interactive lessons and assignments for the couple which are designed to motivate serious thought about love, compatibility, commitment, finances, accountability, responsibility, dealing with the in-laws, the marriage bed, and more.
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