The Bible Says A Lot About Sex
SEXual Problems For The Christian
In one of the Christian Counseling quarterly publications I receive, every single article discussed sexual problems. This really confirmed that the problems of this nature are definitely prevalent within the Christian Community. Many shy away from discussing issues that are of a sexual nature. It is quite evident that a plethora of the problems we are experiencing are rooted in improper sexual misconduct.
The Bible has a lot to say about sexual relationships. One of the main problems is that sex is more often than not practiced outside of the sanctity of marriage. God has said it is only within the marriage bed that sex is “undefiled.” Many have indulged in adultery, fornication and homosexuality and defiled the marriage bed.
Sex Outside of Marriage is Dangerous!
It is of no secret that time after time we see many men and women who fall prey to the pitfalls of sexual misconduct. Not fully realizing that sex outside of marriage is like “fire outside of the fireplace.” It’s dangerous! It will burn your house down!
You are setting yourself up for disappointment. You see sex outside the confines of marriage simply means; I am not fully committed to you. I need to be with you to see if we are physically compatible. I’ve been hurt before so I don’t really want to get too serious. Or my spouse and I don’t have a satisfying relationship so I’m really glad you are there for me. Or “I need you baby” if you love me you will do this for me?
There are so many more scenarios as well… Of course you have not uttered this in words. In the above cases your actions speak louder than words. Many simply do not really know what marriage is all about!
You want to take some time and think and ponder upon your marriage vows! There is always room for improvement. Hang them on your wall if you need to be reminded of what you promised to do!
God Can Cleanse You from all Unrighteousness
I have received many questions in regards to sexual problems. Many are trapped because they have nowhere to turn. Many women just don’t want to be alone so they offer themselves sexually, yet are physically unsatisfied. Many have been conditioned ignorantly to use sex as a tool to manipulate. Women who are used for sexual purposes are often thought of as mere objects. Many have been sexually abused causing them to feel low self worth. Often causing them to turn to drugs and or unwise counsel further leading to a perilous journey of confusion, depression, anxiety and more issues…
Please know if you were sexually abused or if you are being abused now it is in NO way your fault! You can turn this around. Realize that you have been taken advantage of. This was an unrighteous act against you. Meaning; it was or is not right! Forgive yourself and don’t let this hold you captive any longer. God wants to release the pain your are carrying. Cry out to the Lord and say; “STOP it in the Name of JESUS!” Please hear me GOD LOVES you and has so much more in store for you. Don’t let this be the theme of your life. Don’t let it rob you of a better future. There is cleansing POWER in the WORD of GOD! He can “cleanse you from ALL unrighteousness.”
Many have been taught that sex is no big deal! Everybody has sex and it does not matter if you are married or not. Especially if you are past a certain age or you have already been married. Or if you are not having sex something is wrong with you. You are not normal. But that is not the Christian perspective! You are giving parts of yourself away! This is why you feel less than… Your body is what protects your soul! You see God gives specific directions. The Bible says “for this cause shall a man leave His Father and Mother and cleave to His wife and they shall become one flesh.”
Let go and let GOD!
Sex outside the confines of marriage is dangerous emotionally. Why? It sets you up for possible problems that may not be apparent until much later? This is regardless of how young or old you may be…
There is a deeper meaning to sex than the physical exchange. A bonding takes place. There is a magnetic chemical exchange. Within the confines of marriage a miraculous spiritual transaction is taking place! Did you know that scripture tells us “whatever you join yourself to becomes a part of you?” Deep down you must know and feel that something is wrong, but you just can’t put your finger on it. It also shows a lack of discipline. Some people just don’t practice good moral boundaries. They will sleep with anybody! Married or not married! Others have been erroneously taught that it really does not matter. Well; Its my body anyway! ” It’s just sex!” But is it really especially if you have confessed Jesus Christ? If it feels right we are not hurting anybody! From a Biblical standpoint just know you are outside the will of God! Anytime you choose to operate outside of God’s boundaries you can expect some trouble.
Take some time for an inner spiritual cleanse! Spend some time in the WORD of GOD! Ask the LORD to speak to your heart! It is time to really “Let go & let GOD”
SEXUAL Problems For Christians Part 2
Is A Great Marriage Still Viable?
The answer is YES!!!
Today some have opted out of the marriage. Their spouse has not been faithful and or has not or will not repent. Divorce is also sought because both or one spouse was not honest when they married. It is not their intention to work together for a mutually satisfying marriage. Sad put true some marry to get what they can and leave. Quite often they want what they want when they want it. Their first priority is what they want rather than what is best for the marriage. This can leave the injured spouse in a state of flux. He or she will often overcompensate by continually giving into to their endless wants even to the point of financial despair.
Parental disharmony also causes additional conflict within the children. They pick up the vibe between their parents. The children wants become excessive to compensate for their void. Unconsciously they feel that their well being is a secondary priority. Children usually prefer that their parents stay together.They too begin to act out. The parent who is most concerned must or should then take responsibility and address the needs of the children. Since you are hurting, this is not easy but necessary. It important to instill within your children healthy boundaries.
As they get older the children will begin to better understand. Their parents were not able to resolve their conflict which resulted in divorce. Right now in this 21st century we have a generation of children that are confused about “Marriage God’s Way” more so than ever before! Although it did not work for you the first time; it is important to let them know that God has ordained marriage as the proper relationship for sex. let them know there is hope for them.
Our current and future generations of teenagers have fewer and fewer positive moral traditional role models. Too many fractured marriages and families. This also can cause some of them to question their own sexuality. They wonder if marriage is still even viable? They are all to often seduced to seek alternative ways to satisfy their sometimes overwhelming desire to appease raging hormones… They are often pulled into experimenting with same sex relationships with their peers. This can cause them to be confused sexually or possibly even become bi sexual or promiscuous?
Freely share with them what God says about sex in a non threatening way. Keeping in mind you are not trying to incite rebellion. You want them to learn self-control. You want them to realize that their are consequences for our actions.God allows us the freedom to choose. Love is patient so if you are over anxious take some time and chill out.
We can prevent this from happening or lessen the frequency of this occurring by teaching them the importance of respecting their own bodies. Letting them know that they are valuable and they have the right to say “NO!” to anyone. But most important that they can honor God in their body and its never too late to start!
Yes! A favorable future marriage is still viable…
There is much spiritual warfare that attempts to draw our teens away from God’s natural design for sex. This is a vulnerable stage of life for them! Peer pressure is already a constant factor in their lives… How their bodies are beginning to develop is a concern as well. Many of them will not say how they really feel. They will tell you what they think you want to hear! They often will seek unwise advice. Therefore they can be easily led down an ambivalent primrose path that further adds to this already complicated period of growth and development! Instead abstinence and discipline should be encouraged!
Think about this for a moment. Did you know that if no one practiced sex outside of marriage there would be no one to cheat with? Fewer broken homes! Fewer STD’S! Fewer Abortions! Fewer marriages ending in divorces where people are unable to reconcile their differences! It’s hard to imagine! God has given us His Word to protect us! He has even told us that there is “no temptation common to man that He has not prepared a way of escape.”
A committed married monogamous relationship is the only way that God honors a sexual relationship! He has provided and ordained marriage. You see God has designed marriage as the only proper way a man and woman can fulfill their natural sexual desires. He is not the designer of any other method. If you have been taught or thought otherwise you are fooled. I don’t care what Mommy, Daddy, Grandpa, Grandma, Aunt, Uncle, Friend, Doctor, Minister, Pastor. Bishop, Apostle or Foe has said there are consequences! You see it is time out for living in the dark. Especially if you have confessed to be a Christian! It is time to stand up and speak out for what God has said is right.
We must speak the TRUTH in LOVE! Many are so confused about what LOVE really means. They often misunderstand you when you try to LOVE them for real! Loving someone is NOT making them feel comfortable in sin. Part of LOVE is correction with patience. Sometimes we have to simply “step back.” But always PRAY! This is why we ALL so need the LORD! “GOD IS LOVE!” God is always available to help us properly express HIS LOVE!
Let’s HELP this next generation; these teenagers of this 21st century “where anything goes.” Start by giving them better moral role models! Let’s open up the lines of communication so they can validate their feelings. Make yourself available to them. Give them a phone and tell them “to call you anytime they NEED you” Let’s HELP them so they do not feel that they have to give parts of themselves away in order to be accepted! Let them know that they have the right to say NO to anyone who tries to take advantage of them. Give them more “hugs” & quick kisses on their foreheads. (some of them feel too big for kisses)
Teach them how to be respectable and to demand respect as well. Remember they watch what we say and do. Better examples and less criticism and more compassion and understanding. Less bickering and fighting and more constructive ways to resolve conflict such as Powerful, loving biblical instructions! Just think if it is hard for adults it is even harder for teenagers…
You Can Build A Loving Satisfying Marriage
Sex is a taboo discussion for many. Old wife fables have hindered more than a few marriages.
Abuse, mistreatment, low self esteem and cruel continuing self punishment rather than discipline have left many scarred. Addicted and coeds with self defeating shame you have been left with a cloud hanging over you! This is NOT God’s destiny for you. God does not want you to have an unhappy marriage. Nor does He want you to have ongoing difficult relationships. Remember; GOD WILL; “supply all your needs according to HIS riches in CHRIST JESUS!” As simple as it sounds, You must start believing HIS WORD. For HIS WORD is “quick & powerful!” Which means it is ALIVE!
Now for some interim therapy; Get yourself a pillow, turn on some good Gospel Music and have yourself a good cry. Empty out some of that pain that continues to weigh you down. God knows exactly where you are. You are not alone in this. Allow the Lord to shower you with His Holy Spirit. Accept HIS marvelous Grace and allow HIS mercy to over shadow you. Start anew allowing His Holy Spirit within your inner being.
Don’t have an ongoing pity party that keeps you fixated on what has been. Use the pain, suffering and hurt to rebuild and or strengthen your character. Recovery implies you are seeking to regain or replace what has been lost. Embrace godly principles to better guard your heart and accept the cleansing power of His Holy Spirit to make you His “New Creation.” God’s Word is so important. not to just read but to actually bring forth healing & restoration. GOD IS GOOD!!!
Thank God for HIS HOLY SPIRIT HIS COMFORTER! Yes, there is hope for you and your marriage or future marraige. In the Lord you can find comfort. Make it your goal to seek and discover how to Love God and yourself more.
What God meant to be such a beautiful loving, emotional, physical expressive bonding experience between a husband and wife has become so misunderstood.
There is a viable remedy. As husband and wife you must work together harmoniously. You can build a healthy loving satisfying marriage together. Your marriage intimate love making is uniquely designed for you and by you as you come together as one. Working together to achieve mutual satisfaction without shame is a healthy aspect of a good marriage. It is important to communicate with one another.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt not shame.” Genesis 2 Notice this was only between the man. Marriage in the eyes of GOD is sacred!
It is often erroneously thought that people who talk about sex have some underlying problem. It is important to talk to your children as well about sex age appropriately. By the way child abuse of any kind is a definite NO NO! It is not the talking about sex that is the problem. It is when people misuse or abuse it outside the confines of marriage.
Perils of Adultery
Adultery has serious consequences. It was serious enough that Jesus told the Pharisees that they committed adultery by their thoughts! God is not a God of darkness. Read this passage and allow His Light to illuminate your mind;
“My son. Keep your father’s commands and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you.
For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way of life. Keeping you from the immoral woman. From the smooth tongue of the wayward wife. Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life.
Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife’ no one who touches her will go unpunished. Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving. Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold. Though it costs him all the wealth of his house.
But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lit, and his shame will never be wiped away…” Proverbs 6 NIV.
It is important to keep in mind that we are all different. But the principles for life and living for us all given by GOD in HIS WORD are very beneficial to all of us. Your marriage will be whatever you make it! Your relationships will be whatever you make them. God has given us in HIS WORD guidelines to help us in every area of our lives. It is your choice to know HIS WORD for yourself. Don’t allow anyone to pull you away from what you know to be right.
The world says do whatever feels good and follow the majority.
Jesus Christ did not die for us to be slaves to sin. He wants to be a part of every area of our lives. This is why we ALL need HIM as SAVIOR & LORD! As you begin to embrace the TRUTH of GOD’S WORD you can discover a “Marvelous Freedom” that yields much inner Peace! Freedom does not mean that you do as you please. Nor does Godly Freedom mean that you become legalistic. You rather seek a balance in all that you do. Your desire to live to please the Lord continues to grow. This type of Freedom helps you to yield to the principles of HIS WORD and you become increasingly disciplined and exercise self-control! You are not so easily led astray… The Fruit of God’s Spirit continually develops, manifests and multiplies within your daily life.
You seek to be led daily by HIS HOLY SPIRIT HIS COMFORTER!
Jesus came for us to live differently. He wants us to be different from the world. The world at large will not get better. He does not want you to be anybody’s puppet or robot. He wants to help each of us become the “Best You” led by His Holy Spirit. He will never lead us to do anything that goes against HIS WORD! “GOD IS LOVE” There is nothing, no thing or anyone greater than GOD! In HIM you can discover everything that you will ever need for Life, Love & Living! “Seek first the Kingdom of GOD & HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS and everything else will be added unto you…” Matthew 6
Know who you belong to
As a believer know that your body is the Temple of GOD! This is what HIS WORD teaches us: “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own” I Corinthians 6 This is one of many reasons why it is important to take time to daily draw closer to the LORD! I assure you that it is only in HIM that you can discover true security & significance.
It is important to spend time with the LORD in HIS WORD! This way you can better understand when something or something someone says or does is from the LORD!
Sharing & Caring!
“Greater is HE that is in you than he that is in the world!” As you submit to the Lord He will or can HELP you in every area of your life. God is greater than any problem that you will ever encounter. God wants to build Christian Character within you. He wants you to daily walk in the Light of HIS WORD!
Grace & Peace comes from the LORD! “…But when the kindness and LOVE of GOD our SAVIOR appeared. HE SAVED us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the HOLY SPIRIT, whom HE POURED OUT generously through JESUS CHRIST our SAVIOR, so that, having been justified by HIS GRACE, we might become heirs having the HOPE of ETERNAL LIFE. This is a TRUSTWORTHY saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who trusted in GOD may be careful to DEVOTE themselves to doing good. These things are EXCELLENT& PROFITABLE for everyone…” Titus 3
Growing and maturing beyond resentment!
When do you know that you have has been delivered?
When you receive something that was mailed or sent to you; you “get it.”
Therefore when you understand the situation that has been bogging you down clearly, you also “get it!” You can then move forward and take control rather than let it take control of you. You must come out of denial and acknowledge that it occurred. Now you have decided to move forward but you will not allow it to consume your attention anymore. Whenever it surfaces you pray & “FOCUS” your attention elsewhere. You have actually taken control of it by releasing it to the Lord and now you are all the wiser because of the experience. You know where you do not want to go!
You can choose to become whole! Depression wants to consume your joy! It is important to remember that depression surfaces when you allow your unresolved anger to turn inward. Resentment means to feel again. Instead of letting go you hold on to the hurt and pain which fuels unhealthy emotions and holds you captive. Understanding what is gong on helps you to “Break Free!”
You no longer will allow the resentment to hinder you from moving forward to becoming a “better you!” You refuse to get stuck! Time is precious and you do not want to spend too much of it in regrets. You can now see the experience as having gained some deeper insight because of that particular “Life Lesson.” You do not always need to explain why, because your understanding has matured and your healthy self-esteem has begun to flourish since you take responsibility for your own emotional responses.
You are moving towards and choosing to live to please God and your confidence in Him is now growing as well. Always remember everywhere you are God is!
You can move forward. Some unconsciously choose to stay “stuck.” Some simply don’t care either way they have grown accustomed to anxiety. It has become and unhealthy “insecurity blanket!” Rather than let the resentment go they may elect to anesthetize themselves with drugs, alcohol, smoking, promiscuity, gossip, over or under eating or some other reckless behavior or distraction. This unhealthy behavior will only lead to further disappointment and possibly more addictions rather than freedom. Abusive outbursts and out of control undisciplined behavior is the unhealthy response rather than deal with the inner pain. You can break the cycle. But it takes work & dedication!
Know that GOD wants you to be Happy. He wants you to experience the Fruit of His Spirit. See Galatians 5. Jesus overcame sin in the flesh for us! We are not to make anyone else responsible for our happiness. Being happy is each individual’s personal responsibility. As a believer God’s Holy Spirit is always there to help us at all times. Sin is what separates us from God! We must humbly submit and be willing to repent of any sin. Then we can keep moving forward to wholeness!
Growing and maturing beyond resentment
Time is precious and many prefer to spend it unhappy and tethered to their pain. Not because they want to but because they have not chosen to reach to something greater than themselves. First you must remember and truly believe, “I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me!” Now begin to shake it loose! Don’t just say it; do it!
God has a better way! Introspection is healthy when you look inward to attend to your part of the problem. Rather than merely find fault with the offending party you desire to seek and to resolve your own inner conflict. If you have been victimized know that the offending party has responded to you foolishly and irresponsibly. Your desire is to grow beyond the pain and or shame of the experience and mature moving forward from the painful “Life Lesson” on to another level of understanding. You have now learned how to better guard your heart and keep yourself out of harm’s way. You now will focus upon concentrating your efforts to get better and doing things differently.
Hmm, you just may even elect to take a Self Defense class to further build your confidence.
You cannot change what has happened but you can step out on Faith and really trust GOD!
Let love arise! There is no emotion stronger or more powerful than love. “God is love!” Few really understand what true love is… There is absolutely nothing that God is not aware of. He knows everything that has ever happened to you and everyone else and He still loves you. Nurture your desire to live to please God! This of course is more easier said than done. Keep in mind God created you and He has a purpose just for you. No matter how similar we may appear He breaks the mold every time.
You are The Designer’s original. Strive to become the “Best You!” Therefore diligently seek to discover His true love that only comes from Him. Embrace it and it will ripen and mature within you and the Fruit of His Spirit will continue to multiply and manifest within your life. His Light will begin to shine even brighter through you. However, pride must step aside and humility must come to the forefront. How? By exercising discipline and self-control. Know this; “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world!
I will say this again; Time is precious and life is too short to spend the majority of it unhappy and full of resentment. Do not let others pull you into their unhappiness. Instead place your focus and trust upon the LORD. HE wants you to be strong, healthy & happy. Life will always present its challenges. Invite God into the messiness of every area of your life and allow Him to help you become “more than a conqueror.” Why? Only, “He can give you His Peace that surpasses the understanding of man.” This is also why we all so need Jesus Christ as Savior & Lord! “He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly” in every way!
You can recover from resentment. Let go of that load and yoke up with the Lord. He can balance and lift your load. You have to trust God enough to let Him replace that void. So commence to take those bricks of resentment off your back and begin today building a better future taking control of your emotions. You can not make someone else choose happiness. You cannot make them be loyal or committed to you or to the Lord. But you can commit yourself to the Lord! You can build your hope and trust upon the Most High God! I assure you that you will become a lot happier!
Now since you “get it!” Get busy nurturing yourself and start moving forward to wholeness today because tomorrow is not promised. With the Lord by your side;”Be as wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove” Matthew 10. Keep moving forward towards wholeness helps you release what has been and make way for what will be. Keep stepping towards growing and maturing beyond resentment! Allow God His place within your life so His spiritual fruit can begin to internally ripen within your inner being. The Fruit of His Spirit is; “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” See Galatians 5. Forgive your self, let go of the pain and move forward. As you choose the path of freedom and wholeness you can begin to enjoy life leaving the resentment behind! God has a plan for you and He does not want you bogged down in resentment. Now that you “get it” let go and really let God!”
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”
Part 9 No. 3
Trust and good communication are crucial values within a good marriage. Transparency and intimacy is built upon trust. It is really important to not rush into making any decisions that will impact the rest of your life. Take time and first consider the consequences! There is much to learn about one another. Work on building good communication skills.
Here are few final things to keep in mind!
Make it a point to have some good healthy quality discussions before you jump heart first into marriage. If you are already married take the time to find out how your spouse feels, thinks and processes their thoughts and emotions. Please don’t just assume. Feelings need to be validated. Have some deep heartfelt discussions. You need to really know what one another values.
Here are a few questions to ponder and discuss!
What are your likes and dislikes? How do feel about children? What your beliefs are in regards to discipline? How do you feel about the manner in why you both handle discipline? How do you both resolve conflict? Who or what do they believe in? How do they feel about God and prayer? What are their moral standards or convictions or do they have any at all… Is faithfulness important? What does it really mean to be faithful? Is divorce an option? These are a few of the many things you want to discuss and ponder in order to build a better marriage!
The growing trend today is to simply just change partners when you are not happy. As an adult you have the right to decide, but you always should consider the long and short term consequences. I recommend taking some time to rid yourself of some of the baggage that you have been carrying before jumping into another marriage. All too often it is just pushed to the side only to rise and cause even greater problems the second or even third time around. If you are already married work with what you have. Take inventory and then set some goals together. It’s important to make plans together, things change so be flexible. Your marriage won’t just work itself out. Now is the time to begin to exercise self-control as well as all the rest of the “Fruit of the Spirit.” After all you have made a Covenant with one another and to God…
Happiness is a choice, so you both need to decide to make this a mutual goal. There will be highs and lows. So always make love deposits of care, concern, respect, romance and thoughtfulness to your marriage. This will help you weather the storms. You cannot change one another. There is always room for improvement in all of us. You can help bring out the better qualities in one another. Your marriage should always be a priority! Working together will have amazing results!
Exercising self-control is a choice! Rather than tearing one another down all the time build one another up! Chastise one another in love instead to encourage self improvement. Have some good healthy dialogue and let what has hindered your marriage to this point go and move forward as partners! Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It means that you have decided to let whatever it is go, and move forward not holding the offense against them. The past becomes a reminder of your decision to let go and move on. Each day now becomes a new day for building a better marriage! Welcome embracing all the “Fruit of the Spirit” everyday! I assure you that in the long run, you will be much happier! Because happiness is a choice!
By the way, if you are divorced, in the process of a divorce married or remarried try really hard to not involve the children in your disputes. Please don’t use them as message carriers. After all, your first priority should be for their emotional wellbeing. You two were not able to resolve your conflicts. Children are more observant than you think. You have been in an emotional battle and it there are some residual hurt feelings. Give your children the opportunity to express themselves. Model to them the “Fruit of the Spirit” as you all move forward yet separately.
Marriage God’s way can work. But you both must be willing to mutually embrace godly principles and actually implement them within your marriage. So get busy building a marriage that lasts!
“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control…” Galatians 5.
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness need to be accompanied with self-control. All of the above are components of the “Fruit of the Spirit” that manifests within us as we truly embrace God within our lives. As we consistently spend time in the Word of God and begin to actually implement His principles we grow spiritually. There are major benefits when you both embrace and employ them within your marriage.
We have finally made it to self- control! Although it is the last one listed it is a top priority. There are 9 components to the Fruit of the Spirit. Part 9 of this miniseries will conclude in 3 parts so bear with me and read on. Your comments are welcomed!
When you married or whenever you decide to marry it is important to know that marriage is a Covenant Agreement. You made or will make a solemn vow to love your spouse. True love lasts forever! Love is a crucial essential element of a good marriage. It is important to know how your spouse defines and interprets love!
Search the scriptures assiduously to arrive at a better understanding of what love really is. True love continues to grow and flourish. Self-control is a component of love. Love will help you weather the storms of life. It enables you to rise to the peaks and go through the tempestuous valley experiences that often occur, when building a strong, intimate, healthy, satisfying marriage that endures the tests of time.
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit will build a good healthy strong marriage.
Self-Control is so very important! It will help you in every area of your life! Self-control allows you to be controlled from within rather than by any sort of outer, physical, mental, or emotional remote control. You simply don’t just automatically react to anything or anyone and let it trigger an impulsive response. Instead you choose to respond in a responsible manner. Or whenever you do react impulsively you are willing to admit that you were at fault. This is exercising self-control.
Remember practice makes permanent!
Wow! We have finally reached the finale in our quest to encourage you to embrace the “Fruit of the Spirit” within your marriage. The more you practice self-control the better you become at exercising it personally.
Self-control defined is: “the ability to exercise restraint over one’s feelings reactions etc. The act of denying yourself and controlling your impulses.” Keep this definition in mind as we continue on.
No. 2 of 3
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Gentleness”
The Fruit of the Spirit is actually a natural spontaneous occurrence that happens in our lives as we grow spiritually. Our character and personality is wonderfully shaped as we embrace God’s principles. The Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.
Gentleness is important. Let’s now focus on the benefits of embracing gentleness within our marriage. You can develop a mutually beneficial symbiotically satisfying marital relationship where each partner is respected and appreciated!
Marriage is meant to be an endearing, beautiful, romantic, fulfilling, life long spiritual union coming together as one, between a man and a woman. Your marriage should be equally cherished by both of you. If this is not the case; time to get busy! You have some work to do! Dust off your vows, revisit, renew and now actually implement them within your marriage. Together working as a team you can accomplish great things together!
Your marriage should be or should become a priority if this is not the case. Did you know that you and your spouse are actually co partners in a covenant agreement? You have made promises to one another that go much deeper than a piece of paper! Your marriage will be what you make it… Learning to be sensitive, caring and gentle will help you build a cohesive, enjoyable healthy interconnected marriage. The well being of one another is a priority in this type of marriage. Embracing gentleness allows you to let your guard down with one another! Your weaknesses come to the forefront and you become transparent and open with one another and your trust deepens.
Marriage is meant to be an ongoing exciting life long quest together improving, growing, and becoming the best person you can be. You remain two separate individuals who are dedicated to growing together and working as an unbreakable team working side by side. You chastise and challenge one another. You also complement one another as well as build one another up! Gentleness is important because it allows you not to hide behind the hard shield your personality sometimes develops in order to protect yourself from the world and its influences. You instead allow your spouse to embrace you in a most tangible intimate way that is usually exclusively reserved for marriage. You build healthy boundaries around your marriage. You both commit to do what is best for the marriage. This is why you should not just join yourself to anyone!
When you invite the Lord into your marriage together you are able to weather the multiplicity of storms that life brings your way. When you disagree you stand firm but you don’t allow bitterness and strife to permanently nest itself between you. When one is down the other spouse brings comfort! Gentleness is appropriately and sincerely expressed. You both are equally yoked!
When you do not allow gentleness to become a part of your marriage your hearts instead harden. When you disagree you often become divided and resentment and unforgiveness instead sets in. This is why so many marriages end in divorce. Rather than work through their difficulties and storms they begin to pull you further apart.
Marriage should not be full of drudgery hard harsh words continuous meaningless encounters and a lot of unhappiness. Life is too short. When you build your marriage upon trust and embrace the Fruit of the Spirit your marriage will flourish and endure!
Marriage is the oldest traditional institution known to mankind designed by God. It is the foundational relationship upon which the family was built upon. As you practice gentleness in marriage it becomes a part of who you are! You are better able to balance out the harshness that life so often presents. You have an abiding peace between you. The core of who you are is openly shared with your spouse and you both are totally exposed to the Lord! You both have committed to submitting to the Lord’s will and way in your lives by honoring your marriage vows! When a couple yields to the Lord His fruit will begin to multiply and manifests within their marriage. Gentleness allows your hearts to cleave together! What God has truly joined together man cannot pull apart…
The last and next very important part of the Fruit of the Spirit is Self Control. Embracing self control will help you in every area of your life!
“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, and Gentleness and …” Galatians 5.
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Faithfulness”
Faithfulness is a very important aspect of building a strong healthy marriage!
Marriage really is about teamwork! Is your marriage really what you expected? Or did you expect things to just happen? Your marriage will not bloom and flourish unless you both put forth an effort. The two of you need to make a conscious genuine attempt to honor your marriage vows. Your health, mental state, physical stamina and well being are greatly impacted by the manner in which you relate in your marriage! Together you have the ability to create a healthy, invigorating, enjoyable, relaxing and harmonious home environment.
Marriage is the ultimate partnership relationship between a man and a woman! A good marriage embraces loyalty and faithfulness! Faithfulness is an expression of love!
It is important to learn to become transparent with your spouse. Marriage is about continuously growing and encouraging one another to become the best person that they can be… This way everyone benefits.
Make it a point to become increasingly aware of one another’s temperaments! Temperament is how we react or respond to people, places and things in any given situation. Temperament is our innate inherent characteristics that make us unique. No two persons are really the same. But two people can learn to live together in harmony as we respect one another. This is how your love grows!
Embrace allowing the “Fruit of the Spirit” to flourish within each of you as well as within your marriage. Chastise one another yes, but speak the truth in love! Timing is key! There are times you must say to your spouse what no one else will say. This is to help one another to grow and improve. Rather than focusing on one another’s shortcomings, look for times to build one another up and encourage one another when the opportunity arises. This also builds transparency and intimacy. Physical and emotional intimacy is important in marriage. This too will enhance your moments of close physical intimacy. A good strong marriage makes you both better and stronger individuals who have one another’s best interest at heart. Learn to lay aside improper or dysfunctional ways that will only hinder your spiritual growth as well as your marriage!
Lovingly, and faithfully work together to make sure that one another’s sexual needs and desires are realized and fulfilled within your marriage. Your physical intimacy becomes yet another committed expression of the depth of your love for one another. Together you can work through any issues that hinder you from freely expressing yourselves to one another… There is no need for shame when expressing what God made to be a beautiful time of coming together! Physically, emotionally and intimately the “two become one flesh” Within marriage the “marriage bed” is honorable in the sight of God. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.” Hebrews 13. You both commit to honor not only your marriage but the marriages of others.
Faithfulness is part of the Fruit of the Spirit! When you are faithful it yields oodles of security! You both know no matter what; that you can trust one another and that you are there for one another. Even when you disagree you have inner peace about your marriage because there is a deep well of trust built into the foundation of your relationship! Your marriage is a high priority! Life is complex and at times very difficult… Everyone has a bad day… So you do not readily personalize your spouse’s every word or frustration. You allow one another to vent when needed… You respect one another and become sensitive to their needs. Do not allow pride to take the reign of your marriage, be humble, caring, discerning and loving. This takes inner strength and patience… Faithfulness allows you to give one another the room to grow and give each other some space whenever necessary.
Marriage is sacred in the eyes of God! Spend some time in His Word and embrace and implement His principles for life and living within your marriage. He is the original Designer of marriage. God’s way really does works when we adhere to His principles! Building a strong loving marriage involves commitment and gentleness. Gentleness is another part of the Fruit of the Spirit we will discuss next in this series. I hope that this has been helpful and you are encouraged to take responsibility for your part in making your marriage successful! When you honor your marriage vows you honor God!
“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness…” Galatians 5.
Faithfulness says that I take my vows to you and to God seriously! That I am here for you no matter what and we can make it through anything! You are not only faithful to one another but you are faithful to God as well! You can invite God into the “messiness” of your life because you know that God is faithful! There are many benefits in learning how to embrace the Fruit of God’s Spirit within marriage! So now let’s move towards learning how to embrace gentleness…
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Kindness”
Kindness is a virtue! Mutual kindness needs to be embedded throughout your marriage! Marriage is the first institution between a man and a woman that was created by God. Marriage is designed to be a mutually loving, satisfying partnership experience! As husband and wife you both have made sacred vows to honor one another as well as God! A part of honoring those vows means to be considerate of one another and sincerely extending kindness to one another. Kindness is a part of the Fruit of the Spirit! It is very important to continue to nurture your marriage when you truly desire to build a healthy lasting and rewarding marital relationship.
What is kindness really? Kindness defined according to the Encarta Dictionary is; “A compassionate act; an act that shows consideration and caring.” This is why kindness is so important within marriage.
All too often more consideration and thought are often placed into the planning of the wedding or ceremony than the actual marriage itself. If you have allowed your relationship to go stale and the two of you are drifting apart you can do something about it. This is true regardless at whatever your age is, as well as however long you two have been married. As long as there is breath in your body there is room for improvement!
The quality of your marriage can or should improve like a fine antique! But you both must make it a priority to value and take care of your marriage! Think about it! What was your purpose for marrying anyway? Was it to make one another miserable? During your dating or courtship there must have been some tender moments that drew you together? Or did you do so out of sheer obligation? Or in some cases perhaps you had an arranged marriage and you are expecting love to follow… Whatever the case there is always room for improvement!
Kindness should be an integral part of your marriage. Being kind brings warmth and yields sparks of compassion and understanding. It holds selfishness at bay when you consider how your spouse is feeling. You care enough to speak the truth in love and want what is best for one another. Kindness brings trust and freedom! Knowing that your spouse is committed to you and the marriage yields security!
Life is serious and we are living in some interesting times. Life is full of many mountaintop and valley experience. Even when things are not going well when you embrace kindness it allows you to be at peace with one another! Disagreements are normal. But they do not have to be resolved by resorting to name calling, hurling hurtful word for words and physical or mental abuse. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, those who love it will eat its fruits!” Proverbs 18.
A good healthy argument is great and allows you both times to vent! But please don’t fuss and fight like children all the time! If or when one or both of you are angry, table the discussion for a reasonable period of time later on until you can discuss things rationally! Yes! Keep the child in you alive but do not allow it to take control! The child in you loves to have fun it also likes to have its way! The growing adult in you must be willing to take responsibility when necessary. Kindness and consideration prevents dysfunction from nesting itself within the marriage. Dealing with the issues at hand and the desire to keep moving forward will help you build a strong secure fulfilling ever growing marriage!
Gentlemen it is important to know that a woman was made to be loved! Taking the time to listen and be sensitive, supportive and caring to her needs speaks volumes! Your genuine love will help her to become all that she can be. Ladies a man desires to be respected and trusted! Listen twice as much (since in general we tend to talk more) attentively and don’t be so eager to talk before he is finished expressing himself. Be sensitive, supporting, and caring of his needs as well. This in turn helps him to become all that he can become. Good open healthy communication makes a great marriage!
So embrace your vows and always freely express love, joy, peace, patience and kindness! Enjoy your journey together! After all marriage is really where; “the two become one flesh…”