Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self- Control” Part 9 No. 3 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass

Part 9 No. 3 of 3

Trust and good communication are crucial values within a great marriage. Transparency and intimacy are built upon trust. It is really important to not rush into making any decisions that will impact the rest of your life. Take time and first consider the consequences! There is always much to learn about one another. Keep your marriage exciting. Progressively work on building good communication skills. You can maintain the spark that brought you together. Or if you have allowed it to dwindle you can rekindle it.

Here are few final things to keep in mind

Make it a point to have some good healthy quality discussions before you jump heart first into marriage. If you are already married take the time to find out how your spouse feels, thinks and processes their thoughts and emotions. Please don’t just assume. Feelings need to be validated.

Have some deep heartfelt discussions. You need to really know what one another values.

You are two different individuals who must learn to walk together. It is possible but it takes commitment and transparency. Emotional intimacy is important in marriage.

 

Each marriage has its own unique dynamics. Here are a few suggestions and  questions to ponder and discuss.

 

What are your likes and dislikes? How do feel about children? What are your beliefs in regards to discipline? How do you feel about the manner in why you both handle discipline? How do you both resolve conflict? Who or what do they believe in? How do they feel about God and prayer? What are your spouses moral standards or convictions or do they have any at all… Is faithfulness important? What does it really mean to be faithful? Are there any abuse issues that need to be addressed? Are there any addictions? Is divorce an option? These are a few of the many things you want to discuss and ponder in order to build a better marriage!

 

When you both share the same  values, morals and goals it helps to build a healthier emotional bond. You have the needed components necessary to build a strong foundation  for your marriage. This also accelerates your marriage to a higher functioning level. 

 

If you do not have much in common you really need to have some serious discussion about what you are expecting from one another.  What are your goals for your marriage? You need to at least have  some idea as to the direction your marriage is headed. 

 

The growing trend today is to simply just change partners when you are not happy. Infidelity is a big No no. It is vaguely possible but few marriages ever really recover from continued infidelity.  Which really  is not marriage; but  it is a revolving door.  This  breeds distrust and insecurity.   Many proceed in denial not resolving the present void or distrust.  When trust has been broken  it must be restored or this will become a pattern. As adults you have the right to decide, but you always should consider the long and short term consequences. Divorce or continued conflict  is inevitable when not fully addressed.

 

I recommend taking some time to rid yourself of some of the baggage that you have been carrying before jumping into another marriage. All too often it is just pushed to the side only to rise and cause even greater problems the second or even third time around further down the road.  If you are already married work with what you have. Revisit your vows. Take inventory and then set some goals together. It’s important to make plans together.  Your marriage won’t just work itself out.

 

The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence. The TRUTH is its greener because they water it consistently, and feed and  take care of it. Your marriage will be what you both make it.

 

Now is the time to begin to exercise self-control as well as fervently embrace all the rest of the “Fruit of the Spirit.” After all you have  or did make a Covenant with one another and to God… This makes your marriage a Holy agreement. Therefore seek quality Holy Help whenever necessary.

 

Praying together is important! “Praying without ceasing” all throughout your day keeps you connected to the Lord.

 

Happiness is a choice, so you both need to decide to make this a mutual goal. There will be highs and lows. So always make love deposits of care, concern, love, respect, romance and thoughtfulness to your marriage. This will help you weather the storms. This helps you to rise above the storm.  You cannot change one another. But you can create a healthy atmosphere that fosters change. There is always room for improvement in all of us. You can help bring out the better qualities in one another. Or you can bring out the worst in one another. Take note of your personal progress. Work on becoming the “Best You.” Your marriage should always be a priority. Working together will have amazing results!

 

Exercising self-control is a choice. If you are weak in this area. Get right!  Rather than tearing one another down all the time build one another up! Chastise one another in love instead to encourage self improvement. Withdraw from nagging.  Don’t allow carnality rule your life. Have some good healthy dialogue and let what has hindered your marriage to this point go and move forward as partners.

 

No, you do not go forward in denial. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It means that you have decided to let whatever it is go, and move forward not holding the offense against them. The past becomes a reminder of your decision to let go and move on. You make a point to consciously let go of the old offenses and make way for the new awaiting life.  This is a lifestyle change!  This is possible when you don’t allow  the past to  become the present…  Each day now becomes a new day for building a better marriage.

 

Welcome embracing all the “Fruit of the Spirit” in your life everyday. I assure you that in the long run, you will be much happier. Your spouse will also benefit greatly.  You can do it; because happiness is a choice!

 

By the way, if you are divorced, in the process of a divorce married or remarried make a sincere attempt to not involve the children in your disputes.  If you have; STOP!  DON’T TRY AND MAKE ADULTS OUT OF CHILDREN. They are already suffering because of the disharmony that they see or sense between you. Please don’t use them as message carriers.   It is selfish to use them for your emotional support.  You both are supposed to be their caregivers…  After all, your first priority should be for their emotional wellbeing.

 

The truth is you two were not able to resolve your own  conflicts. Children are more observant than you think. You have been in an emotional battle and it has spawned some residual hurt feelings. Their resentment will surface in many ways due to the collateral damage they are experiencing.  This may not have been your intention but there is a residual of resentment.  Give your children the opportunity to express themselves. But it is important that they are  always encouraged to be responsible and respectful.  Seek to break the cycle of dysfunction. They still need to learn how to develop healthy coping skills and so do you as parents.  Let this encourage you to model to them the “Fruit of the Spirit” as you all move forward together or  separately.

 

Be careful of who you receive counsel from or who you allow to speak into your marriage or your life. Be accountable to God for your behavior. Make sure that you own up to your contribution of whatever problems or issue your marriage is experiencing. Marriage is a team effort. But it does not necessarily take a team to destroy it.   By one spouse’s own willful behavior divorce can result.  It  does take both of you working together not against one another to make it work. 

 

Diligently seek the Lord’s direction. Make it a priority to take time to; “BE STILL and KNOW”
Psalm 46

 

As a believer it should always be more important to you to please GOD.
This does not mean getting caught up in activities. You must commit to spend time with the Lord in His Word and draw closer to Him. This is where  and how you will gain healthier spiritual strength.  There really is nothing more important. GOD IS OMNISCIENT! When you seek HIM above all else there are marvelous benefits. Know that  your body is the Temple of God. You need to feed and nurture your sou. Think and ponder upon  this for a moment; God is the Creator of Heaven and earth. He is the Creator of man and woman. No one knows better than He about anything. He can and will direct you in every area of your life.

 

Marriage God’s way can and does work. But you both must be willing to mutually embrace His godly principles and actually implement them within your marriage. God wants to be a part of every area of your life. God does not want you to spend your life unhappy or broken. But He does want you to take seriously the vows that you both made to Him. You can recover from this.  But recovery takes hard work! 

 

Everyday is a precious “GIFT” from the Lord. What you do with your life is your gift to Him. So, get busy building a marriage that lasts. May your efforts in Holy Matrimony prevail!

 

“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control…” Galatians 5. May they manifest, multiply and abound within your lives and your marriage!

 

May God’s  Eternal Love begin to flourish and abound between you!

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control” Part 9 No. 2 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass

Part 9

No. 2 of 3

Marriage is a spiritual battle ground in this 21st century. Look around you! Division wants to nest itself within your marriage; so be aware. Have you noticed the frequency in which couples are divorcing? Why is this? Many enter into marriage without first really getting to know this person who they have promised to love and cherish.

Take the time to get to know one another better rather than to simply co exist. For your marriage to endure it is important to build a strong foundation.

 

Self-control is a viable component of a strong healthy marriage. There are many forces at works to create havoc within your marriage. One must pray for discernment. It is important that you make your marriage and one another’s wellbeing an important priority. Self-control when consistently exercised will help both of you enhance and safeguard your marriage.

 

Marriage is serious business and is not for immature people. Immaturity is ageless so just because you are getting older does not necessarily mean that you are ready. There are some things you need to consider. Selfishness and either spouse being self-centered will hinder your marriage from growing in a healthy manner.

 

Marriage ideally speaking is for one man and one woman who are in one way or another  flawed. Yet learn to rise above their imperfections.   Who desire to want to mature and grow together and become better individuals working together as a committed team. “ALL have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of GOD…” Therefore no matter how much we grow in the Lord’s  grace there is always room for improvement as long as He has us on this side of Heaven.

 

Each day we are to strive for the perfection that can only  be discovered in the Lord.  “GOD IS LOVE!”  It is in HIM  you can increasingly become complete. GOD would not say ” Be ye therefore  perfect even as your Father which is in Heaven is perfect…”  Matthew 5  If it were not possible God would not tell us otherwise.   It is with the help of the Lord we can become all that He has created us to be and become. 

 

Oneness in marriage is actually designed to a harmonic journey. Trust and security are components of a good solid marriage. You are aware that the Lord is Omnipresent. You reverently fear Him so you not only respect your marriage but the marriages  of others as well. Marriage should not be taken lightly. In the spiritual sense “two become one” as they are united and committed in their desire to grow in love. True Love has no end.

 

Always remember  and keep in mind what the WORD teaches us.  Each spouse should seek to become perfect in the Lord. This is not an unattainable goal. It requires dedication and perseverance. However it is quite often misunderstood from a carnal perspective. Becoming perfect in the Lord means to become complete in HIM. Everything that you will ever need for Life & Living can be discovered in an ever growing personal intimate relationship with the Lord. He would not tell us to be perfect if it were not so. In of ourselves we will always fall short. HIS Holy Spirit is always present to HELP US. HE IS THE ULTIMATE COMFORTER. As you begin to really embrace the TRUTH of HIS WORD you can responsively say; “I CAN DO ALL THINGS through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS ME” Philippians 4. It is our choice to become disciplined and constantly reach for HIS HOLY HELP!

 

In marriage you learn to give up “me ness for we ness!”

 

Self-control helps you to honor your marriage vows. You choose to not let the world and it’s ever changing morality influence your commitment to one another. Instead together you elect to influence the world. You confront issues in love. It is important to not let resentment fester. You embrace your vows and commence to live out your lives working together through any difficulties. You realize that it is mere spiritual warfare designed to pull you away from your Center. When God is truly the Center of your marriage, Your love blossoms and continuously grows as you soar through life and enjoy the many mountaintop experiences as well.

The Fruit of the Spirit are essential virtues that have precious intrinsic worth that will solidify your marriage. “GOD IS LOVE” Love is part of the Fruit of HIS Spirit. LOVE is truly a priceless GIFT from the LORD. When you both strive to build a healthy living environment that welcomes love, harmony; trust and respect together you really can build a fulfilling, satisfying strong marriage.

A godly marriage is Holy Matrimony.

Part 9
No. 3 0f 3

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SEXUAL Problems For Christians Part 4

Part 4

Today; 55 – 60% Of Marriages are Ending in Divorce!

I remember jokingly telling my husband years ago that we were going to be looked at, as “there goes that married heterosexual couple.” I am thankful to say God has blessed us over and over again during four plus decades of commitment. Truly our Lord is Faithful. This is why I know that it is by His grace that this has been possible.  We daily rise to give Him the glory. Marriage God’s Way Works!

 

 

The Supreme Court of the United States has voted against the Word of God! They support alternative “same sex unions.” Your choice is your choice. However, It is important to know that God does not sanction “same sex unions.” Marriage between one man and one woman is God’s Design for Marriage. Marriage God’s Way is Holy Matrimony ordained by God!

 

We live in a time when 55- 60% of marriages are ending in divorce! I understand that we live in difficult times.  These are certainly the “Last Days” when some of everything is happening. The spiritual warfare will do everything it can to promote and construct distorted ungodly views of marriage as favorable. Many couples choose to live together rather than marry.  This really is saying that they do not want to commit to one another.  Many marry and don’t really know what they are getting into! Many marry and continue to have mutual relationships outside of marriage. This is not good…

 

At some point this will result in regret!

 

Keep or rekindle and embrace the affections that brought you together.  Keep the respect, trust, love and honor you committed to. 

 

Some couples are pulled in many directions because of the pulls of sexual supposedly freedom. This should not be.  Just know it is a seducing spirit that wants to deceive you. Birth of illicit pleasure can often lead to death of a marriage.  Realize God is always aware.  He has given us healthy marriage boundaries. That are inclusive of genuine freedom.  A healthy marriage consists of two people who wants what is  best for one another and the marriage. 

 

 

If you are married and you know something is not right, please take inventory. Don’t bury your head in the sand like an ostrich! The problem won’t just go away. Don’t front it. Seek to resolve it. Rekindle the honorable  affections that brought you together. Be more concerned about what God thinks! Find out what God has to say about marriage.  Invite Him into the your marriage. After all you made a vow to Him as well…  Begin to take whatever steps are necessary to take back control of your marriage. Seek healthy ways to resolve unnecessary conflict.

 

Proverbs tells us that you cannot “take fire into your bosom and not be burned.” WOW! Earnestly repent and stop indulging in sinful behavior. Run quickly from anyone who comforts you in sexual sin.  They will love you to death (which is not love at all) if you have been playing with fire please stop! You should know better and they should too if they are believers.  Or perhaps you don’t really believe what God has said. You will actually feel a lot better when you get things right with God. Remember His blood can cleanse you from all unrighteousness! God always has a better way.  Just know God is a more than able in any situation!

 

 

TRUE LOVE does not sanction wrong

Men and women vary in their priorities in the area of sexual needs. Men in general have intercourse higher on their lists of priorities. For instance it may be the number one preference for a man. It may be the second or fourth for the woman. Her first need may be simple  affection. Of course meaning affection from her husband.  His second may be financial security. Together you can work through anything together. Always strive to seek a healthy balance. Be  willing to share openly and honestly.  Always have your spouses best interest at heart. Marriage is the ultimate partnership. 

 

 

You see many often confuse their needs. and wants. Together you can fulfill your needs and or  wants  by working together as a team.  God has promised to “supply all of our needs…”   Meaning those needs that are in His Will.  You can also work together on your wants. There is power in unity!  God is willing to help you in all aspects of your marriage.  When you know God is omnipresent you become less inhibited and more transparent  because You know He is present.   There are healthy ways to come together in physical &  emotional harmony.  After all God made us.   He made us to  be able to come together as husband and wife in a mutually satisfying way.  Always remember that God honors marriage.

 

 

In marriage you can experience an emotional & physical  harmonic “Oneness!”   This is when you are secure in your marriage. There is an unexplainable freedom when you truly trust one another this is apparent when you are together  or apart.     You have inner peace and contentment when you trust one another.  You also know that when you have the Lord in your life you are never really alone.   Therefore they are things that you do not do. I can truly say that we thoroughly enjoy one another’s company.

 

 

I have learned  that your best and wisest counsel always comes from the Lord.  After many years of practicing in Christian Counseling “praying without ceasing.” becomes second nature. You really do have to rely on the Lord as well as uphold healthy boundaries.  You cannot rely on hearsay or how things appear…  God can give you keen insight however you must also exercise discipline when counseling others.   Some come to bring division.   So make sure you are responding to bring forth truth and your desire is to please the Lord. It is important to know that you are held accountable by the Lord  so beware where you tread. 

 

Please be careful who you allow to speak into your marriage or your life.  Be very careful who you allow to speak  over you or your family especially when they do not share the same values.   Do not let them rummage around in your life.     Most of all it is important that they really do respect and value godly principles.  Know it is always  important to establish safe open surroundings when you do so as well as to not allow yourself to be placed in a compromising  situation… Always be attentive when anyone speaks before you. Have an exit ear when you know something that is said is not from God!  On the other hand receive any godly correction when necessary.  Know this; God is  omniscient and He holds us accountable.  When you know this is true you will  live differently!  This is why I always say: “Christ Jesus  is our Best Witness.”

 

When you properly practice sex within the confines of your marriage you can experience true spiritual and sexual fulfillment in harmony.  Agur  the son of  Jakeh speaks about the fact that  every Word of God is pure and He is a shield to those who trust Him. He speaks words of wisdom and compares and contrasts the good and bad things.  Pertaining to this subject he compares and contrasts.  “….the way of  an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent on a rock; the way of a ship of the sea; and the way of a  man with his maid…  ” Proverbs 30   “This of course  is from a spiritual  perspective.  The only safe sex is within marriage.   You reinforce a permanent cohesive  bond that God made especially for marriage that God honors.. “Let not man put it asunder…”

 

No you do not have to become cold, reserved, indifferent and or rigid. But you do or should become disciplined! You should  respect natural boundaries. If you are cold or frigid don’t stay that way. You can learn how to properly guard your heart without becoming cold.  Love is patient, tender, strong  and kind.  Correction is also a part of love. You can learn to do this gracefully as well.  You can also learn how to open your heart, mind and soul to your committed spouse.  After all you are supposed to be or become “One.” Transparency is a wonderful thing.  However you must also  be discerning.  You can  enjoy being alone when you know you are never really alone… You can also extend sincere love to others especially when you yourself are fulfilled in your marriage! 

 

 

When you truly Love, you do not just yoke yourself up with just  anything or anyone. A proper sexual relationship is like “epoxy!” When the two adhesive components come together they form a permanent bond that technically should be very difficult or virtually impossible to break.   But both components are equally important to make it work… As you grow together in a healthy way so does your respect and trust.  Your love deepens as the Lord brings it to a higher level of conscious awareness.   I use this illustration  of glue because it visually represents “what God has joined together let not man put asunder.” It is a healthy bond that few really understand. Love always protects it does not suffocate!    Love brings freedom.  You can really trust one another!  

 

 

If you are single and desire to be married guard your heart until someone who is willing to grow in Love & Life with you comes along.    Don’t  just give parts of yourself away for a fling…    Date to marry not to simply  try out one another…   This will only leave you emptier… Embracing “abstinence”  will keep you safe.  If this has not been the case start now…  Start each day fresh and present your needs to the Lord.  Take some time to let Him refuel, refresh and cleanse you. Cling to the Lord and trust Him to supply your relationship needs in a healthy way until that right someone comes along. Be strong in Him and don’t compromise who you are in Him.   Really begin to value the person you are becoming. No one can be a better you than you.  You have something that only you can offer.  Life is precious & God is always Good!  Seek to always be a “Better You!” Don’t sell yourself short. Each day is a Gift from the Lord. You are not alone and He is there for you willing to go every step of the way…

 

 

Love does not sanction wrong. It is within a healthy marriage one learns properly how to have their sexual desires fulfilled. As long as we are on this side of Heaven there is room for improvement in ALL of us.  You cannot change anything that has already happened. But you can press forward knowing that GOD LOVES YOU! If you have not already, begin developing a relationship where you can mutually get your needs met. There is a oneness that one can experience in marriage that GOD sanctions. When you are truly fulfilled you will have no need or desire to indulge in extra marital affairs.   You will work together and not against God’s purpose for you lives like Aquila & Priscilla.  You will also  readily disengage from what you know is not of God. You  truly will experience trust in a beautiful way.  You understand and practice the benefits of self control. You embrace the Truth of God’s Word and seek HIS Will for your life and your marriage. You will also have great security knowing that you are honoring God in your relationship!

SEXUAL Problems For Christians Part 5

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within you marriage “Faithfulness” Part 7

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Faithfulness”

Couple in Grass

Part 7

Faithfulness is a very important aspect of building a strong healthy marriage!

Marriage really is about teamwork! Is your marriage really what you expected? Or did you expect things to just happen? Your marriage will not bloom and flourish unless you both put forth an effort. The two of you need to make a conscious genuine attempt to honor your marriage vows. Your health, mental state, physical stamina and well being are greatly impacted by the manner in which you relate in your marriage! Together you have the ability to create a healthy, invigorating, enjoyable, relaxing and harmonious home environment.

Marriage is the ultimate partnership relationship between a man and a woman! A good marriage embraces loyalty and faithfulness! Faithfulness is an expression of love!

It is important to learn to become transparent with your spouse. Marriage is about continuously growing and encouraging one another to become the best person that they can be… This way everyone benefits.

Make it a point to become increasingly aware of one another’s temperaments! Temperament is how we react or respond to people, places and things in any given situation. Temperament is our innate inherent characteristics that make us unique. No two persons are really the same. But two people can learn to live together in harmony as we respect one another. This is how your love grows!

Embrace allowing the “Fruit of the Spirit” to flourish within each of you as well as within your marriage. Chastise one another yes, but speak the truth in love! Timing is key! There are times you must say to your spouse what no one else will say. This is to help one another to grow and improve. Rather than focusing on one another’s shortcomings, look for times to build one another up and encourage one another when the opportunity arises. This also builds transparency and intimacy. Physical and emotional intimacy is important in marriage. This too will enhance your moments of close physical intimacy. A good strong marriage makes you both better and stronger individuals who have one another’s best interest at heart. Learn to lay aside improper or dysfunctional ways that will only hinder your spiritual growth as well as your marriage!

Lovingly, and faithfully work together to make sure that one another’s sexual needs and desires are realized and fulfilled within your marriage. Your physical intimacy becomes yet another committed expression of the depth of your love for one another. Together you can work through any issues that hinder you from freely expressing yourselves to one another… There is no need for shame when expressing what God made to be a beautiful time of coming together! Physically, emotionally and intimately the “two become one flesh” Within marriage the “marriage bed” is honorable in the sight of God. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.” Hebrews 13. You both commit to honor not only your marriage but the marriages of others.

Faithfulness is part of the Fruit of the Spirit! When you are faithful it yields oodles of security! You both know no matter what; that you can trust one another and that you are there for one another. Even when you disagree you have inner peace about your marriage because there is a deep well of trust built into the foundation of your relationship! Your marriage is a high priority! Life is complex and at times very difficult… Everyone has a bad day… So you do not readily personalize your spouse’s every word or frustration. You allow one another to vent when needed… You respect one another and become sensitive to their needs. Do not allow pride to take the reign of your marriage, be humble, caring, discerning and loving. This takes inner strength and patience… Faithfulness allows you to give one another the room to grow and give each other some space whenever necessary.

Marriage is sacred in the eyes of God! Spend some time in His Word and embrace and implement His principles for life and living within your marriage. He is the original Designer of marriage. God’s way really does works when we adhere to His principles! Building a strong loving marriage involves commitment and gentleness. Gentleness is another part of the Fruit of the Spirit we will discuss next in this series. I hope that this has been helpful and you are encouraged to take responsibility for your part in making your marriage successful! When you honor your marriage vows you honor God!

“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness…” Galatians 5.

Faithfulness says that I take my vows to you and to God seriously! That I am here for you no matter what and we can make it through anything! You are not only faithful to one another but you are faithful to God as well! You can invite God into the “messiness” of your life because you know that God is faithful! There are many benefits in learning how to embrace the Fruit of God’s Spirit within marriage! So now let’s move towards learning how to embrace gentleness…

Part 8

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