55 – 60% Of Marriages are Ending in Divorce
I remember jokingly telling my husband years ago that we were going to be looked at, as “there goes that married heterosexual couple.” I am thankful to say God has blessed us over and over again during four plus decades of commitment. Truly our Lord is Faithful. This is why I know that it is only by His grace it has been possible. Marriage God’s Way Works!
The Supreme Court of the United States has voted against the Word of God! They support alternative “same sex unions.” Your choice is your choice. However, It is important to know that God does not sanction “same sex unions.” Marriage between one man and one woman is God’s Design for Marriage. Marriage God’s Way is Holy Matrimony ordained by God!
We live in a time when 55- 60% of marriages are ending in divorce! I understand that we live in difficult times. The spiritual warfare will do every thing it can to promote and construct distorted views of marriage as favorable. Many couples choose to live together rather than marry. Many marry and don’t really know what they are getting into! Many marry and continue to have mutual relationships outside of marriage.
Rekindle the Affections that Brought you Together
Couples are pulled in many directions because of the pulls of sexual freedom. Just know it is a seducing spirit that wants to deceive you. Birth of illicit pleasure can often lead to death of a marriage.
At some point it will result in regret!
If you are married and you know something is not right, please take inventory. Don’t bury your head in the sand like an ostrich! The problem won’t just go away. Don’t front it. Rekindle the affections that brought you together. Be more concerned about what God thinks! Find out what God has to say about marriage. Begin to take whatever steps are necessary to take back control of your life.
Proverbs tells us that you cannot “take fire into your bosom and not be burned.” WOW! Earnestly repent and stop indulging in sinful behavior. Run quickly from anyone who comforts you in sexual sin! They will love you to death (which is not love at all) if you have been playing with fire please stop! You will actually feel a lot better when you get things right with God. Remember His blood can cleanse you from all unrighteousness! Just know God is a forgiving God!
TRUE LOVE does not sanction wrong
Men and women vary in their priorities in the area of sexual needs. Men in general have intercourse higher on their lists of priorities. For instance it may be the number one preference for a man. It may be the second or fourth for the woman. Her first need may be affection. Of course meaning affection from her husband. His second may be financial security.
You see many often confuse their needs. and wants. Together you can fulfill your needs by working together as a team. You can also work together on you wants. There is power in unity! Always remember that God honors marriage.
When you properly practice sex within the confines of marriage you can experience true spiritual and sexual fulfillment in harmony. You reinforce a permanent bond.
No you do not have to become cold, reserved, indifferent and or rigid. But you do become disciplined! You respect natural boundaries. If you are cold or frigid don’t stay that way. You can learn how to properly guard your heart! Love is patient and kind. You can also learn how to open your heart, mind and soul to your committed spouse. You can also extend sincere love to others especially when you are fulfilled in your marriage!
When you truly Love, you do not just yoke yourself up with anything or anyone. A proper sexual relationship is like “epoxy!” When the two adhesive components come together they form a permanent bond that technically should be very difficult or impossible to break. I use this illustration because it visually represents “what God has joined together let not man put asunder.” It is a healthy bond that few really understand. Love always protects it does not suffocate! You can really trust one another!
If you are single and desire to be married guard your heart until someone who is willing to grow in Love & Life with you comes along. Start each day fresh and present your needs to the Lord. Cling to the Lord and trust Him to supply your needs until that right someone comes along. Really begin to value the person you are becoming. No one can be a better you than you. Don’t sell yourself short. Life is precious and each day is a Gift from the Lord. You are not alone and He is there for you willing to go every step of the way…
Love does not sanction wrong. It is within a healthy marriage one learns properly how to have their sexual desires fulfilled. As long as we are on this side of Heaven there is room for improvement in ALL of us. You cannot change anything that has already happened. But you can press forward knowing that GOD LOVES YOU! If you have not already, begin developing a relationship where you can mutually get your needs met. There is a oneness that one can experience in marriage that GOD sanctions. When you are truly fulfilled you will have no need or desire to indulge in extra marital affairs. You understand and practice the benefits of self control. You embrace the Truth of God’s Word and seek HIS Will for your life and your marriage. You will also have great security knowing that you are honoring God in your relationship!
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”
Part 9 No. 3
Trust and good communication are crucial values within a good marriage. Transparency and intimacy is built upon trust. It is really important to not rush into making any decisions that will impact the rest of your life. Take time and first consider the consequences! There is much to learn about one another. Work on building good communication skills.
Here are few final things to keep in mind!
Make it a point to have some good healthy quality discussions before you jump heart first into marriage. If you are already married take the time to find out how your spouse feels, thinks and processes their thoughts and emotions. Please don’t just assume. Feelings need to be validated. Have some deep heartfelt discussions. You need to really know what one another values.
Here are a few questions to ponder and discuss!
What are your likes and dislikes? How do feel about children? What your beliefs are in regards to discipline? How do you feel about the manner in why you both handle discipline? How do you both resolve conflict? Who or what do they believe in? How do they feel about God and prayer? What are their moral standards or convictions or do they have any at all… Is faithfulness important? What does it really mean to be faithful? Is divorce an option? These are a few of the many things you want to discuss and ponder in order to build a better marriage!
The growing trend today is to simply just change partners when you are not happy. As an adult you have the right to decide, but you always should consider the long and short term consequences. I recommend taking some time to rid yourself of some of the baggage that you have been carrying before jumping into another marriage. All too often it is just pushed to the side only to rise and cause even greater problems the second or even third time around. If you are already married work with what you have. Take inventory and then set some goals together. It’s important to make plans together, things change so be flexible. Your marriage won’t just work itself out. Now is the time to begin to exercise self-control as well as all the rest of the “Fruit of the Spirit.” After all you have made a Covenant with one another and to God…
Happiness is a choice, so you both need to decide to make this a mutual goal. There will be highs and lows. So always make love deposits of care, concern, respect, romance and thoughtfulness to your marriage. This will help you weather the storms. You cannot change one another. There is always room for improvement in all of us. You can help bring out the better qualities in one another. Your marriage should always be a priority! Working together will have amazing results!
Exercising self-control is a choice! Rather than tearing one another down all the time build one another up! Chastise one another in love instead to encourage self improvement. Have some good healthy dialogue and let what has hindered your marriage to this point go and move forward as partners! Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It means that you have decided to let whatever it is go, and move forward not holding the offense against them. The past becomes a reminder of your decision to let go and move on. Each day now becomes a new day for building a better marriage! Welcome embracing all the “Fruit of the Spirit” everyday! I assure you that in the long run, you will be much happier! Because happiness is a choice!
By the way, if you are divorced, in the process of a divorce married or remarried try really hard to not involve the children in your disputes. Please don’t use them as message carriers. After all, your first priority should be for their emotional wellbeing. You two were not able to resolve your conflicts. Children are more observant than you think. You have been in an emotional battle and it there are some residual hurt feelings. Give your children the opportunity to express themselves. Model to them the “Fruit of the Spirit” as you all move forward yet separately.
Marriage God’s way can work. But you both must be willing to mutually embrace godly principles and actually implement them within your marriage. So get busy building a marriage that lasts!
“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control…” Galatians 5.
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Faithfulness”
Faithfulness is a very important aspect of building a strong healthy marriage!
Marriage really is about teamwork! Is your marriage really what you expected? Or did you expect things to just happen? Your marriage will not bloom and flourish unless you both put forth an effort. The two of you need to make a conscious genuine attempt to honor your marriage vows. Your health, mental state, physical stamina and well being are greatly impacted by the manner in which you relate in your marriage! Together you have the ability to create a healthy, invigorating, enjoyable, relaxing and harmonious home environment.
Marriage is the ultimate partnership relationship between a man and a woman! A good marriage embraces loyalty and faithfulness! Faithfulness is an expression of love!
It is important to learn to become transparent with your spouse. Marriage is about continuously growing and encouraging one another to become the best person that they can be… This way everyone benefits.
Make it a point to become increasingly aware of one another’s temperaments! Temperament is how we react or respond to people, places and things in any given situation. Temperament is our innate inherent characteristics that make us unique. No two persons are really the same. But two people can learn to live together in harmony as we respect one another. This is how your love grows!
Embrace allowing the “Fruit of the Spirit” to flourish within each of you as well as within your marriage. Chastise one another yes, but speak the truth in love! Timing is key! There are times you must say to your spouse what no one else will say. This is to help one another to grow and improve. Rather than focusing on one another’s shortcomings, look for times to build one another up and encourage one another when the opportunity arises. This also builds transparency and intimacy. Physical and emotional intimacy is important in marriage. This too will enhance your moments of close physical intimacy. A good strong marriage makes you both better and stronger individuals who have one another’s best interest at heart. Learn to lay aside improper or dysfunctional ways that will only hinder your spiritual growth as well as your marriage!
Lovingly, and faithfully work together to make sure that one another’s sexual needs and desires are realized and fulfilled within your marriage. Your physical intimacy becomes yet another committed expression of the depth of your love for one another. Together you can work through any issues that hinder you from freely expressing yourselves to one another… There is no need for shame when expressing what God made to be a beautiful time of coming together! Physically, emotionally and intimately the “two become one flesh” Within marriage the “marriage bed” is honorable in the sight of God. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.” Hebrews 13. You both commit to honor not only your marriage but the marriages of others.
Faithfulness is part of the Fruit of the Spirit! When you are faithful it yields oodles of security! You both know no matter what; that you can trust one another and that you are there for one another. Even when you disagree you have inner peace about your marriage because there is a deep well of trust built into the foundation of your relationship! Your marriage is a high priority! Life is complex and at times very difficult… Everyone has a bad day… So you do not readily personalize your spouse’s every word or frustration. You allow one another to vent when needed… You respect one another and become sensitive to their needs. Do not allow pride to take the reign of your marriage, be humble, caring, discerning and loving. This takes inner strength and patience… Faithfulness allows you to give one another the room to grow and give each other some space whenever necessary.
Marriage is sacred in the eyes of God! Spend some time in His Word and embrace and implement His principles for life and living within your marriage. He is the original Designer of marriage. God’s way really does works when we adhere to His principles! Building a strong loving marriage involves commitment and gentleness. Gentleness is another part of the Fruit of the Spirit we will discuss next in this series. I hope that this has been helpful and you are encouraged to take responsibility for your part in making your marriage successful! When you honor your marriage vows you honor God!
“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness…” Galatians 5.
Faithfulness says that I take my vows to you and to God seriously! That I am here for you no matter what and we can make it through anything! You are not only faithful to one another but you are faithful to God as well! You can invite God into the “messiness” of your life because you know that God is faithful! There are many benefits in learning how to embrace the Fruit of God’s Spirit within marriage! So now let’s move towards learning how to embrace gentleness…