Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 2

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!


Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 2

Resentment leaves an endless void that one attempts to fill with things that are usually unhealthy for them. You avoid confronting what is bothering you. There is a way out of this.

Marriage is the perfect place to learn properly how to deal with resentment. You two are supposed to be life partners. Like it or not you vowed to help one another become the best that each of you can be? Or were those just words? However each spouse must be willing to take responsibility for their part!

You cannot change what has happened but you can begin to learn how to “let go” of any resentment. Letting go does not mean that you continue to allow the action(s) to occur again. It means that you make a conscious effort to make some behavior changes. Insanity is; “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

In a healthy marriage you take into consideration what impacts you both. You don’t drain one another you seek to refuel, refresh and restore. Oneness makes you sensitive and you work together to have a healthy symbiotic relationship. You speak the Truth in Love. You seek to balance one other. You seek to create a healthy environment where you both can thrive. Where others can experience that balance as well.

Many marriages suffer because resentment is what binds the husband and wife together. Life has become a tally board of how many times they have hurt one another or allowed others to hurt them. Instead of becoming transparent and drawing closer to one another. They all too often run to their friends and seek their support rather than seeking to resolve the problem within their marriage.

There is nothing wrong with talking with your friends, relatives or having a support group. There is nothing wrong with having a therapist, counselor, life coach or any other professional service. Be sure that you are honest if you want favorable results. Just make sure that you do not relay the incident in a way that you are supported when or if you are in the wrong. This will not really help you, your family, friends nor your marriage. This does not mean that the experience was not painful or wrong! You instead seek to become empowered by the incident once you commit to resolve the related unresolved anger. Why? Because you want to be free from it. Or do you really? This means that you will have to allow the pain to dissipate that is associated with what has transpired. But it must first be allowed to come to the Light so you can properly deal with it.

You will have to build a bridge of emotional stability across it to not let it hold you captive any longer. It does not mean that you have to forget. It means that you will have to confront yourself and how you have allowed whatever it is to remain unresolved.

See part 3

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control” Part 9 No. 2 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass

Part 9

No. 2 of 3

Marriage is a spiritual battle ground in this 21st century. Look around you! Division wants to nest itself within your marriage; so be aware! Have you noticed the frequency in which couples are divorcing? Why is this? Many enter into marriage without first really getting to know this person who they have promised to love and cherish.

Take the time to get to know one another better rather than to simply co exist. For your marriage to endure it is important to build a strong foundation.

Self-control is a viable component of a strong healthy marriage! There are many forces at works to create havoc within your marriage. One must pray for discernment! It is important that you make your marriage and one another’s wellbeing a priority. Self-control when consistently exercised will help both of you enhance and safeguard your marriage.

Marriage is serious business and is not for immature people. Immaturity is ageless so just because you are getting older does not necessarily mean that you are ready. There are some things you need to consider. Selfishness and either spouse being self-centered will hinder your marriage from growing in a healthy manner.

Marriage ideally is for two imperfect people who desire to mature and want to grow together and become better individuals working together as a committed team. “ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of GOD…” Therefore no matter how much we grow in the Lord’ grace there is always room for improvement as long as He has us on this side of Heaven. Oneness in marriage is actually a harmonic journey. Trust and security are components of a good solid marriage. You are aware that the Lord is Omnipresent. You reverently fear Him so you not only respect your marriage but other marriages as well. Marriage should not be taken lightly. In the spiritual sense “two become one” as they are united and committed in their desire to grow in love. True Love has no end.

Always remember that the WORD teaches us; “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” Matthew 5. Each spouse should seek to become perfect in the Lord. This is not an unattainable goal. It requires dedication and perseverance. However it is quite often misunderstood from a carnal perspective. Becoming perfect in the Lord means to become complete in HIM. Everything that you will ever need for Life & Living can be discovered in an ever growing personal intimate relationship with the Lord. He would not tell us to be perfect if it were not so. In of ourselves we will always fall short. HIS Holy Spirit is always present to HELP US. HE IS THE ULTIMATE COMFORTER. As you begin to really embrace the TRUTH of HIS WORD you can responsively say; “I CAN DO ALL THINGS through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS ME” Philippians 4. It is our choice to reach for HIS HOLY HELP!

In marriage you learn to give up “me ness for we ness!”

Self-control helps you to honor your marriage vows. You choose to not let the world and it’s ever changing morality influence your commitment to one another. Instead together you elect to influence the world. You confront issues in love. It is important to not let resentment fester. You embrace your vows and commence to live out your lives working together through any difficulties. You realize that it is mere spiritual warfare designed to pull you away from your Center. When God is truly the Center of your marriage, Your love blossoms and continuously grows as you soar through life and enjoy the many mountaintop experiences as well.

The Fruit of the Spirit are essential virtues that have precious intrinsic worth that will solidify your marriage. “GOD IS LOVE” Love is part of the Fruit of HIS Spirit. LOVE is truly a priceless GIFT from the LORD. When you both strive to build a healthy living environment that welcomes love, harmony; trust and respect together you really can build a fulfilling, satisfying strong marriage.

A godly marriage is Holy Matrimony.

Part 9
No. 3 0f 3

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self- Control” Part 9 No. 3 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass

Part 9 No. 3

Trust and good communication are crucial values within a great marriage. Transparency and intimacy are built upon trust. It is really important to not rush into making any decisions that will impact the rest of your life. Take time and first consider the consequences! There is always much to learn about one another. Keep your marriage exciting. Progressively work on building good communication skills. You can maintain the spark that brought you together. Or if you have allowed it to dwindle you can rekindle it.

Here are few final things to keep in mind

Make it a point to have some good healthy quality discussions before you jump heart first into marriage. If you are already married take the time to find out how your spouse feels, thinks and processes their thoughts and emotions. Please don’t just assume. Feelings need to be validated.

Have some deep heartfelt discussions. You need to really know what one another values.

You are two different individuals who must learn to walk together. It is possible but it takes commitment and transparency. Emotional intimacy is important in marriage.

Each marriage has its own unique dynamics. Here are a few suggestions questions to ponder and discuss!

What are your likes and dislikes? How do feel about children? What are your beliefs in regards to discipline? How do you feel about the manner in why you both handle discipline? How do you both resolve conflict? Who or what do they believe in? How do they feel about God and prayer? What are your spouses moral standards or convictions or do they have any at all… Is faithfulness important? What does it really mean to be faithful? Are there any abuse issues that need to be addressed? Are there any addictions? Is divorce an option? These are a few of the many things you want to discuss and ponder in order to build a better marriage!

When you both share values and goals it helps to build a healthy emotional bond. This also accelerates your marriage to higher functioning level.

The growing trend today is to simply just change partners when you are not happy. Infidelity is a big No no. It is possible but few marriages recover. Trust has been broken and it must be restored or this will become a pattern. As an adult you have the right to decide, but you always should consider the long and short term consequences. Divorce is inevitable when not fully addressed.

I recommend taking some time to rid yourself of some of the baggage that you have been carrying before jumping into another marriage. All too often it is just pushed to the side only to rise and cause even greater problems the second or even third time around. If you are already married work with what you have. Take inventory and then set some goals together. It’s important to make plans together. Your marriage won’t just work itself out. The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence. The TRUTH is its green because they water it consistently and take care of it. Your marriage will be what you both make it.

Now is the time to begin to exercise self-control as well as all the rest of the “Fruit of the Spirit.” After all you have made a Covenant with one another and to God… This makes your marriage a Holy agreement. Therefore seek quality Holy Help whenever necessary.

Happiness is a choice, so you both need to decide to make this a mutual goal. There will be highs and lows. So always make love deposits of care, concern, love, respect, romance and thoughtfulness to your marriage. This will help you weather the storms. You cannot change one another. But you can create a healthy atmosphere that fosters change. There is always room for improvement in all of us. You can help bring out the better qualities in one another. Or you can bring out the worst in one another. Take note of your personal progress. Work on becoming the “Best You” Your marriage should always be a priority. Working together will have amazing results!

Exercising self-control is a choice. Rather than tearing one another down all the time build one another up! Chastise one another in love instead to encourage self improvement. Withdraw from nagging. Have some good healthy dialogue and let what has hindered your marriage to this point go and move forward as partners. No you do not go forward in denial. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It means that you have decided to let whatever it is go, and move forward not holding the offense against them. The past becomes a reminder of your decision to let go and move on. You make a point to consciously let go of the old and make way for the new. Each day now becomes a new day for building a better marriage. Welcome embracing all the “Fruit of the Spirit” everyday. I assure you that in the long run, you will be much happier. You can do it; because happiness is a choice!

By the way, if you are divorced, in the process of a divorce married or remarried try really hard to not involve the children in your disputes. Please don’t use them as message carriers. It is selfish to use them for your emotional support. After all, your first priority should be for their emotional wellbeing. The truth is you two were not able to resolve your conflicts. Children are more observant than you think. You have been in an emotional battle and it has spawned some residual hurt feelings. Their resentment will surface in many ways. Give your children the opportunity to express themselves. But it is important that they are encouraged to be responsible and respectful. Model to them the “Fruit of the Spirit” as you all move forward yet separately.

Be careful of who you receive counsel from or who you allow to speak into your marriage or your life. Be accountable to God for your behavior. Make sure that you own up to your contribution of whatever problems or issue your marriage is experiencing. Marriage is a team effort. It takes both of you working together not against one another.

Make it a priority to take time to; “BE STILL and KNOW”
Psalm 46

As a believer it should always be more important to you to please GOD.
This does not mean getting caught up in activities… You must spend time with the Lord in His Word and draw closer to Him. There really is nothing more important. GOD IS OMNISCIENT! When you seek HIM above all else there are marvelous benefits. Your body is the Temple of God. Think and ponder for a moment; God is the Creator of Heaven and earth. He is the Creator of man and woman. No one knows better than He.
He can and will direct you in every area of your life.

Marriage God’s way can and does work. But you both must be willing to mutually embrace godly principles and actually implement them within your marriage. God wants to be a part of every area of your life. God does not want you to spend your life unhappy. But He does want you to take seriously the vows that you both made to Him. Everyday is a precious “GIFT” from the Lord. What you do with your life is your gift to Him… So get busy building a marriage that lasts. May your efforts in Holy Matrimony Prevail!

“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control…” Galatians 5. May they manifest, multiply and abound within your lives and your marriage!

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In HiM we move and live and have our being

“In Him we move and live and have our being” Beauriful Chapel

 

 

There is no way getting around God! You can  try to ignore Him. You can choose not to believe in Him. You can have a surface relationship with Him that makes you feel  comfortable?   You can have a weekend relationship with Him and simply   just attend Worship Services every Sabbath Saturday or Sunday and just go right back to living however it is you please all during the week.   But you will not experience his abiding inner peace.  Or, you can make it your goal to draw closer to Him everyday and  really invite Him into the messiness of your life and build a strong secure solid  intimate relationship with Him.  God will and can give you His peace that surpasses the understanding of man.  It is your choice!  God does not force Himself into your life.

 

Everywhere you are God is there.  He is The Most High God!  He is Omnipresent!

 

“The GOD who made the world and everything in it is The LORD of Heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands.  And He is not served by human hands,  as if He needed anything, because He Himself gives all  men life and breath and everything else.  From  one man He made very nation of men, that they should inhabit  the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and  the exact places where they should live.  God did this so  that men would seek Him and perhaps  reach out to Him and find Him though  He is not far from each one of us ‘For in HIM we live and move and have our being.’ As some  of your own poets  have said. ‘We are His offspring.”  Acts 17

 

Christianity is meant to be an ever growing daily life long lifestyle! It means that we are supposed to learn, embrace and implement the principles of His Word within our lives  everyday.  Remember HiM = Him in me!

 

“God is Love!” God is eternal and  so is His Love.  He created us so we could learn how to love, grow spiritually,  enjoy life  His way and extend His love that begins to  flow through us  naturally when we are connected to Him. His love draws others to us.  With love comes much responsibility this is why we must learn to become disciplined.  There is much deception about us due to spiritual warfare. It is important to know that you cannot fool GOD.  Not everyone understands what true love really is. “GOD IS LOVE!” True love does not manipulate!  God’s love is patient, kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record  of wrongs.  His love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth.  (See  Corinthians 13)  

God’s love does not suffocate. It protects not out of insecurity but out of concern. It was Moses’ Mother who loved him enough to allow him to float down the Nile River in “an ark of bulrushes” to safety. The King of Egypt had given an order for the Hebrew babies to be killed. This is one of many examples. Moses is known as one of the greatest Biblical leaders. For more details See Exodus 2. Take some time to learn more about God’s love in His Word.

Society gets confused between love and lust. God’s Love is Eternal. There is a worldly love that mimics His love. It is selfish not sincere. This is what I call “intoxicating affections.”  It is important to be able to distinguish between the two.  One should pray for spiritual discernment!

 

God created us in His image for a purpose.  It is God’s desire for us to continuously build an ever increasing up close and personal growing relationship with Him through His Son Jesus Christ.   God has placed a void in all of us that only He can fill. The more we become like  Him we learn how to  better properly love.   God’s spiritual gifts begin to grow and multiply within our lives as we stay connected to Him who is the ultimate source of love.

 

Know that God is totally aware of; where each one of us are or where we are not.  He knows our strengths and weaknesses. As we grow in His Grace and the knowledge of Him our weaknesses diminish as we wholeheartedly embrace and apply the Truth of His Word within our lives. He continuously shapes and mold us in His image. God has given each one of us an inborn natural temperament. He extends His Grace and Love to us daily. He wants us to have better home lives, better marriages, and better families. He even wants you to have better lives if you are single. He wants all of us to have better relationships with one another as the family of God. He does not want us to conform to the ways of this word. Nor does He want us to compromise HIs principles. He wants us to have better  healthier worship services, work, school, play  and recreation environments as well. God did not create us to become puppets. He wants us to become whole! God wants what is best for us in every area of our lives. But all too often He is left out of the equation when deciding what we want and what really is best for us.

 

Too often the preservation of our traditions, careers, jobs, recreational & religious activities, and lifestyles are more important than what God wants for us. As long as we invite His presence into whatever we are doing He will keep us on the Narrow Path. God wants to be a part of every area of our lives. All of God’s Word is true! God does not need us, but  we all certainly  need Him through Eternity. This is why He has given us Christ Jesus as Lord and Savior. It is only with Him can we overcome sin. Sin separates us from Go. It is each individuals choice to accept Him as Savior and Lord. Just take a look around this world He has made and see the results of “doing your own thing.” Perilous times are upon us. Notice all the extreme tragedies… Things have gone  much too far. But if you check out God’s Word you will find that there is “nothing new under the sun.” 

God has been patient with us. With the Lord there is always hope!

 

God has created each of us with a plan in mind. He has; “Blessed us in the Heavenly realms with every spiritual blessings in Christ. Jesus for He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight…”  Ephesians 1.   In the Lord we can discover everything that we will ever need for life & living. The problem is we allow life to get in the way.

 

We cannot change anything that has happened. But we can always begin anew,  learning  invaluable life lessons that  can help us  become better people, once we really begin to include God in the equation rather than as an afterthought. This does not mean that everything will always be just fine.  Actually just the opposite the spiritual warfare is ongoing and it is designed to rock your world. It becomes heightened. But guess what when you  truly build  or begin to build your foundation on the Lord Jesus Christ you then become grounded and rooted within Him; “The Solid Rock.” 

Things are not always as they appear.  Life takes on a deeper meaning when you realize that with Him you have Eternal life.   I always say; “I do not want the Lord to be a stranger when I see Him face to face.”  The Lord will help you make it through ALL the challenges that life presents.  In His time He will “Work all   things together for the GOOD!”

Few really like healthy confrontation. They become evasive and avoid dealing with the problem unless or until they are angry. From a counseling point of view I find it very helpful in resolving issues. It easily squashes gossip. It is healthy to seek to resolve issues. This is how we become spiritually mature. Quite often a lot of garbage gets on the line and things become distorted. It is important to always be willing to take responsibility for what you say. Therefore say what you mean and mean what you say. This should never be done in a malicious way. Self control is the better part of valor. It is also part of the Fruit of the Spirit. The intent and motive should always be to improve and enhance the quality of a relationship. It can be quite rewarding when confrontation is handled properly. Redemptive confrontation is good!

God has given us His Word as a life manual. He loves us so much that He allowed His only begotten Son Jesus Christ to come to earth wrapped in a sinless body of flesh, live a victorious sinless life, suffer & die upon the cross, then raise  Him from the dead  with all power and  overcome sin for us.    Now that’s  ultimate POWER!  He took back the power from the  unseen principalities…  It is because of His great love for us that He made it possible for us to be reconciled back to our Heavenly Father!   WOW!  We no longer  have to live being a slave to sin.  Sin  is what separates us from God.  You never have to be alone;  because  everywhere we  are God is there! 

God’s love makes us stronger.  His Word teaches us “Finally be strong in  The Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggles are not against flesh and blood…”  Ephesians 6.  We can learn to “overcome evil with GOOD”  But it is your choice? It is time to really start living your life everyday to please God rather than being a slave to sin, or conforming to the ways of this world.   Instead be transformed by the renewing of your mind!  However, we must learn to love God’s way,  humble ourselves, repent whenever necessary  and call upon Him to help us rise above sin that wants to separate us from the Lord! This also why we all need Jesus Christ as Savior & Lord! God has not left us alone to fend for ourselves. Thank You Lord for Your precious Holy Spirit! So get busy and  always remember this;  Through Jesus Christ we have the Victory!

 

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