Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self- Control” Part 9 No. 3 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass

Part 9 No. 3 of 3

Trust and good communication are crucial values within a great marriage. Transparency and intimacy are built upon trust. It is really important to not rush into making any decisions that will impact the rest of your life. Take time and first consider the consequences! There is always much to learn about one another. Keep your marriage exciting. Progressively work on building good communication skills. You can maintain the spark that brought you together. Or if you have allowed it to dwindle you can rekindle it.

Here are few final things to keep in mind

Make it a point to have some good healthy quality discussions before you jump heart first into marriage. If you are already married take the time to find out how your spouse feels, thinks and processes their thoughts and emotions. Please don’t just assume. Feelings need to be validated.

Have some deep heartfelt discussions. You need to really know what one another values.

You are two different individuals who must learn to walk together. It is possible but it takes commitment and transparency. Emotional intimacy is important in marriage.

 

Each marriage has its own unique dynamics. Here are a few suggestions and  questions to ponder and discuss.

 

What are your likes and dislikes? How do feel about children? What are your beliefs in regards to discipline? How do you feel about the manner in why you both handle discipline? How do you both resolve conflict? Who or what do they believe in? How do they feel about God and prayer? What are your spouses moral standards or convictions or do they have any at all… Is faithfulness important? What does it really mean to be faithful? Are there any abuse issues that need to be addressed? Are there any addictions? Is divorce an option? These are a few of the many things you want to discuss and ponder in order to build a better marriage!

 

When you both share the same  values, morals and goals it helps to build a healthier emotional bond. You have the needed components necessary to build a strong foundation  for your marriage. This also accelerates your marriage to a higher functioning level. 

 

If you do not have much in common you really need to have some serious discussion about what you are expecting from one another.  What are your goals for your marriage? You need to at least have  some idea as to the direction your marriage is headed. 

 

The growing trend today is to simply just change partners when you are not happy. Infidelity is a big No no. It is vaguely possible but few marriages ever really recover from continued infidelity.  Which really  is not marriage; but  it is a revolving door.  This  breeds distrust and insecurity.   Many proceed in denial not resolving the present void or distrust.  When trust has been broken  it must be restored or this will become a pattern. As adults you have the right to decide, but you always should consider the long and short term consequences. Divorce or continued conflict  is inevitable when not fully addressed.

 

I recommend taking some time to rid yourself of some of the baggage that you have been carrying before jumping into another marriage. All too often it is just pushed to the side only to rise and cause even greater problems the second or even third time around further down the road.  If you are already married work with what you have. Revisit your vows. Take inventory and then set some goals together. It’s important to make plans together.  Your marriage won’t just work itself out.

 

The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence. The TRUTH is its greener because they water it consistently, and feed and  take care of it. Your marriage will be what you both make it.

 

Now is the time to begin to exercise self-control as well as fervently embrace all the rest of the “Fruit of the Spirit.” After all you have  or did make a Covenant with one another and to God… This makes your marriage a Holy agreement. Therefore seek quality Holy Help whenever necessary.

 

Praying together is important! “Praying without ceasing” all throughout your day keeps you connected to the Lord.

 

Happiness is a choice, so you both need to decide to make this a mutual goal. There will be highs and lows. So always make love deposits of care, concern, love, respect, romance and thoughtfulness to your marriage. This will help you weather the storms. This helps you to rise above the storm.  You cannot change one another. But you can create a healthy atmosphere that fosters change. There is always room for improvement in all of us. You can help bring out the better qualities in one another. Or you can bring out the worst in one another. Take note of your personal progress. Work on becoming the “Best You.” Your marriage should always be a priority. Working together will have amazing results!

 

Exercising self-control is a choice. If you are weak in this area. Get right!  Rather than tearing one another down all the time build one another up! Chastise one another in love instead to encourage self improvement. Withdraw from nagging.  Don’t allow carnality rule your life. Have some good healthy dialogue and let what has hindered your marriage to this point go and move forward as partners.

 

No, you do not go forward in denial. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It means that you have decided to let whatever it is go, and move forward not holding the offense against them. The past becomes a reminder of your decision to let go and move on. You make a point to consciously let go of the old offenses and make way for the new awaiting life.  This is a lifestyle change!  This is possible when you don’t allow  the past to  become the present…  Each day now becomes a new day for building a better marriage.

 

Welcome embracing all the “Fruit of the Spirit” in your life everyday. I assure you that in the long run, you will be much happier. Your spouse will also benefit greatly.  You can do it; because happiness is a choice!

 

By the way, if you are divorced, in the process of a divorce married or remarried make a sincere attempt to not involve the children in your disputes.  If you have; STOP!  DON’T TRY AND MAKE ADULTS OUT OF CHILDREN. They are already suffering because of the disharmony that they see or sense between you. Please don’t use them as message carriers.   It is selfish to use them for your emotional support.  You both are supposed to be their caregivers…  After all, your first priority should be for their emotional wellbeing.

 

The truth is you two were not able to resolve your own  conflicts. Children are more observant than you think. You have been in an emotional battle and it has spawned some residual hurt feelings. Their resentment will surface in many ways due to the collateral damage they are experiencing.  This may not have been your intention but there is a residual of resentment.  Give your children the opportunity to express themselves. But it is important that they are  always encouraged to be responsible and respectful.  Seek to break the cycle of dysfunction. They still need to learn how to develop healthy coping skills and so do you as parents.  Let this encourage you to model to them the “Fruit of the Spirit” as you all move forward together or  separately.

 

Be careful of who you receive counsel from or who you allow to speak into your marriage or your life. Be accountable to God for your behavior. Make sure that you own up to your contribution of whatever problems or issue your marriage is experiencing. Marriage is a team effort. But it does not necessarily take a team to destroy it.   By one spouse’s own willful behavior divorce can result.  It  does take both of you working together not against one another to make it work. 

 

Diligently seek the Lord’s direction. Make it a priority to take time to; “BE STILL and KNOW”
Psalm 46

 

As a believer it should always be more important to you to please GOD.
This does not mean getting caught up in activities. You must commit to spend time with the Lord in His Word and draw closer to Him. This is where  and how you will gain healthier spiritual strength.  There really is nothing more important. GOD IS OMNISCIENT! When you seek HIM above all else there are marvelous benefits. Know that  your body is the Temple of God. You need to feed and nurture your sou. Think and ponder upon  this for a moment; God is the Creator of Heaven and earth. He is the Creator of man and woman. No one knows better than He about anything. He can and will direct you in every area of your life.

 

Marriage God’s way can and does work. But you both must be willing to mutually embrace His godly principles and actually implement them within your marriage. God wants to be a part of every area of your life. God does not want you to spend your life unhappy or broken. But He does want you to take seriously the vows that you both made to Him. You can recover from this.  But recovery takes hard work! 

 

Everyday is a precious “GIFT” from the Lord. What you do with your life is your gift to Him. So, get busy building a marriage that lasts. May your efforts in Holy Matrimony prevail!

 

“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control…” Galatians 5. May they manifest, multiply and abound within your lives and your marriage!

 

May God’s  Eternal Love begin to flourish and abound between you!

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control” Part 9 No. 2 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass

Part 9

No. 2 of 3

Marriage is a spiritual battle ground in this 21st century. Look around you! Division wants to nest itself within your marriage; so be aware. Have you noticed the frequency in which couples are divorcing? Why is this? Many enter into marriage without first really getting to know this person who they have promised to love and cherish.

Take the time to get to know one another better rather than to simply co exist. For your marriage to endure it is important to build a strong foundation.

 

Self-control is a viable component of a strong healthy marriage. There are many forces at works to create havoc within your marriage. One must pray for discernment. It is important that you make your marriage and one another’s wellbeing an important priority. Self-control when consistently exercised will help both of you enhance and safeguard your marriage.

 

Marriage is serious business and is not for immature people. Immaturity is ageless so just because you are getting older does not necessarily mean that you are ready. There are some things you need to consider. Selfishness and either spouse being self-centered will hinder your marriage from growing in a healthy manner.

 

Marriage ideally speaking is for one man and one woman who are in one way or another  flawed. Yet learn to rise above their imperfections.   Who desire to want to mature and grow together and become better individuals working together as a committed team. “ALL have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of GOD…” Therefore no matter how much we grow in the Lord’s  grace there is always room for improvement as long as He has us on this side of Heaven.

 

Each day we are to strive for the perfection that can only  be discovered in the Lord.  “GOD IS LOVE!”  It is in HIM  you can increasingly become complete. GOD would not say ” Be ye therefore  perfect even as your Father which is in Heaven is perfect…”  Matthew 5  If it were not possible God would not tell us otherwise.   It is with the help of the Lord we can become all that He has created us to be and become. 

 

Oneness in marriage is actually designed to a harmonic journey. Trust and security are components of a good solid marriage. You are aware that the Lord is Omnipresent. You reverently fear Him so you not only respect your marriage but the marriages  of others as well. Marriage should not be taken lightly. In the spiritual sense “two become one” as they are united and committed in their desire to grow in love. True Love has no end.

 

Always remember  and keep in mind what the WORD teaches us.  Each spouse should seek to become perfect in the Lord. This is not an unattainable goal. It requires dedication and perseverance. However it is quite often misunderstood from a carnal perspective. Becoming perfect in the Lord means to become complete in HIM. Everything that you will ever need for Life & Living can be discovered in an ever growing personal intimate relationship with the Lord. He would not tell us to be perfect if it were not so. In of ourselves we will always fall short. HIS Holy Spirit is always present to HELP US. HE IS THE ULTIMATE COMFORTER. As you begin to really embrace the TRUTH of HIS WORD you can responsively say; “I CAN DO ALL THINGS through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS ME” Philippians 4. It is our choice to become disciplined and constantly reach for HIS HOLY HELP!

 

In marriage you learn to give up “me ness for we ness!”

 

Self-control helps you to honor your marriage vows. You choose to not let the world and it’s ever changing morality influence your commitment to one another. Instead together you elect to influence the world. You confront issues in love. It is important to not let resentment fester. You embrace your vows and commence to live out your lives working together through any difficulties. You realize that it is mere spiritual warfare designed to pull you away from your Center. When God is truly the Center of your marriage, Your love blossoms and continuously grows as you soar through life and enjoy the many mountaintop experiences as well.

The Fruit of the Spirit are essential virtues that have precious intrinsic worth that will solidify your marriage. “GOD IS LOVE” Love is part of the Fruit of HIS Spirit. LOVE is truly a priceless GIFT from the LORD. When you both strive to build a healthy living environment that welcomes love, harmony; trust and respect together you really can build a fulfilling, satisfying strong marriage.

A godly marriage is Holy Matrimony.

Part 9
No. 3 0f 3

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In HiM we live and move and have our being Part 1

“In Him we live and move and have our being” Beauriful Chapel

There is no way getting around God! You can  try to ignore Him. You can choose not to believe in Him. You can have a surface relationship with Him that makes you feel  comfortable?   You can have a weekend relationship with Him and simply   just attend Worship Services every Sabbath Saturday or Sunday and just go right back to living however it is you please all during the week.   But you will not experience his abiding inner peace.  Or, you can make it your goal to draw closer to Him everyday and  really invite Him into the messiness of your life. This is how we can build a strong secure solid  intimate relationship with Him.

God will and can give you His peace that surpasses the understanding of man.  It is your choice!  God does not force Himself into your life. Everywhere you are God is there.  He is The Most High God. He is Omnipresent!

“The GOD who made the world and everything in it is The LORD of Heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands.  And He is not served by human hands,  as if He needed anything, because He Himself gives all  men life and breath and everything else.  From  one man He made very nation of men, that they should inhabit  the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and  the exact places where they should live.  God did this so  that men would seek Him and perhaps  reach out to Him and find Him though  He is not far from each one of us ‘For in HIM we live and move and have our being.’ As some  of your own poets  have said. ‘We are His offspring.”  Acts 17

Christianity is meant to be an ever growing daily life long lifestyle! It means that we are supposed to learn, embrace and implement the principles of His Word within our lives  everyday.  Remember HiM = Him in me!

“God is Love!” God is eternal and  so is His Love.  He created us so we could learn how to love, grow spiritually,  enjoy life  His way and extend His love that begins to  flow through us  naturally when we are connected to Him. His love draws others to us.  With love comes much responsibility this is why we must learn to become disciplined.  There is much deception about us due to spiritual warfare. It is important to know that you cannot fool GOD.  Not everyone understands what true love really is.

“GOD IS LOVE!” True love does not manipulate!  God’s love is patient, kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record  of wrongs.  His love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth.  (See  Corinthians 13)

God’s love does not suffocate. Nor does it make you comfortable in sin. It protects not out of insecurity but out of concern. Sin is anything that separates you from God.  It was Moses’ Mother who loved him enough to allow him to float down the Nile River in “an ark of bulrushes” to safety. The King of Egypt had given an order for the Hebrew babies to be killed. This is one of many examples of the power of God’s protection. Moses is known as one of the greatest Biblical leaders. He spent many years encouraging the children of Israel to live lives pleasing to God.  For more details See Exodus 2. Take some time to learn more about God’s love in His Word.

Society gets confused between love and lust.  God’s Love is Eternal. There is a worldly love that mimics His love. It is selfish not sincere. This is what I call “intoxicating affections.”  It is important to be able to distinguish between the two.  One should pray for spiritual discernment.

God created us in His image for a purpose.  It is God’s desire for us to continuously build an ever increasing up close and personal growing relationship with Him through His Son Jesus Christ.  During our fellowship and personal devotion time with Him we are being transformed.  God has placed a void in all of us that only He can fill. The more we become like  Him we learn how to  better properly love.  God’s love is eternal.  God’s spiritual gifts begin to grow and multiply within our lives as we stay connected to Him who is the ultimate source of love.

Know that God is totally aware of; where each one of us are or where we are not.  He knows our strengths and weaknesses. As we grow in His Grace and the knowledge of Him our weaknesses diminish as we wholeheartedly embrace and apply the Truth of His Word within our daily  lives. He gives us the power to over come them.  He continuously shapes and mold us in His image as we embrace and apply His Word to our lives.

 

God has given each one of us an inborn unique  natural temperament.  He did not create us to be like anyone else. He extends His grace and love to us daily. He wants us to have better home lives, better marriages, relationships and better families.

 

He even wants you to have better lives if you are single. He wants all of us to have better relationships with one another as the family of God. He does not want us to conform to the ways of this word. Nor does He want us to compromise HIS principles. Many of the ways of the world have nested themselves within the midst of God’s Church. He wants us to have better  healthier worship services, work, school, play  and recreational environments as well. God did not create us to become puppets. He wants us to become whole!  Becoming whole means to be complete in Him. God wants what is best for us in every area of our lives. But all too often He is left out of the equation when deciding what we want and what really is best for us.

Part 2

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Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 2

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!

Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 2

Resentment leaves an endless void that one attempts to fill with things that are usually unhealthy for them. You avoid confronting what is bothering you. There is a way out of this.

Marriage is the perfect place to learn properly how to deal with resentment. You two are supposed to be life partners. Like it or not you vowed to help one another become the best that each of you can be? Or were those just words? However each spouse must be willing to take responsibility for their part!

You cannot change what has happened but you can begin to learn how to “let go” of any resentment. Letting go does not mean that you continue to allow the action(s) to occur again. It means that you make a conscious effort to make some behavior changes. Insanity is; “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

In a healthy marriage you take into consideration what impacts you both. You don’t drain one another you seek to refuel, refresh and restore. Oneness makes you sensitive and you work together to have a healthy symbiotic relationship. You speak the Truth in Love. You seek to balance one other. You seek to create a healthy environment where you both can thrive. Where others can experience that balance as well.

Many marriages suffer because resentment is what binds the husband and wife together. Life has become a tally board of how many times they have hurt one another or allowed others to hurt them. Instead of becoming transparent and drawing closer to one another. They all too often run to their friends and seek their support rather than seeking to resolve the problem within their marriage.

There is nothing wrong with talking with your friends, relatives or having a support group. There is nothing wrong with having a therapist, counselor, life coach or any other professional service. Be sure that you are honest if you want favorable results. Just make sure that you do not relay the incident in a way that you are supported when or if you are in the wrong. This will not really help you, your family, friends nor your marriage. This does not mean that the experience was not painful or wrong! You instead seek to become empowered by the incident once you commit to resolve the related unresolved anger. Why? Because you want to be free from it. Or do you really? This means that you will have to allow the pain to dissipate that is associated with what has transpired. But it must first be allowed to come to the Light so you can properly deal with it.

You will have to build a bridge of emotional stability across it to not let it hold you captive any longer. It does not mean that you have to forget. It means that you will have to confront yourself and how you have allowed whatever it is to remain unresolved.

See part 3

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