Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 4

January 28, 2016 by  
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Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!

Growing and maturing beyond resentment!

Part 4

When do you know that you have been delivered?

When you receive something that was mailed or sent to you; you “get it.”

Many week after week, month after month and yes sometimes year after years seek deliverance from a situation or… Break the cycle! God wants you to be free. But not to be free to continue in sin. Sin separates you from God. Don’t let what has happened keep you apart from God. Readily repent of any unconfessed sin and accept God’s forgiveness. What happened was beyond your control… Whoever or what ever hurt you or whoever you hurt cannot be undone. But you can move forward starting today! Allow time to release you from the trauma of the incident or situation by embracing the fact that God loves you and wants you to walk in the Path of Righteousness. Embrace the TRUTH of HIS WORD and the cleansing POWER of HIS WORD!

“All have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of GOD.” We ALL forever need Jesus as Lord and Savior!

Therefore when you understand the situation that has been bogging you down clearly, you also “get it!” You can then move forward and take control rather than let it take control of you. You must come out of denial and acknowledge that it occurred. Now you have decided to move forward but you will not allow it to consume your attention anymore. You will let your mind reflect on the cleansing Power of the WORD and on the HOLY SPIRIT’S POWER to transport you to move to higher ground. Spiritual cleansing is welcomed and it is here you build new memories that transcend what has been. You make way for more of GOD’S LOVE! Whenever the unpleasant memory or pain of it resurfaces you pray & “FOCUS” your attention elsewhere. You do not go into denial but embrace The Joy that comes from having the Lord in your life and walking in your growing “self-control.”

The Lord wants to Lighten your load. If you continue to carry the heavy burden it is an indication that you have not released it to Him. Each time it surfaces give it less time. If necessary time how long you will ponder upon it. Then switch to something else. Know that you have actually taken control of it by releasing it to the Lord and now you are all the wiser because of the experience. You know where you do not want to go; and its not backward!

You can choose to become whole! Depression wants to consume your today and rob you of JOY! Don’t blame others when you allow it to steal today’s JOY. See it for what it is. Sometimes you may have to grieve momentarily to validate your feelings. But you will less and less allow your emotions to get the best of you. It is important to remember that depression surfaces when you allow your unresolved anger to turn inward. Resentment means to feel again. Instead of letting go you hold on to the hurt and pain which fuels unhealthy emotions and holds you captive. Understanding what is gong on helps you to “Break Free!”

You no longer will allow the resentment to hinder you from moving forward to becoming a “better you!” You refuse to get stuck! Time is precious and you do not want to spend too much of it in regrets. Tomorrow is not promised so waste less todays. You can now see the experience as having gained some deeper insight because of that particular “Life Lesson.” You do not always need to explain why, because your understanding has matured and your healthy self-esteem has begun to flourish since you take responsibility for your own emotional responses. You do not let unpleasant what has been overtake what you have begun to build anew.

You are moving towards and choosing to live to please God and your confidence in Him is now growing as well. Always remember everywhere you are God is! Make it a goal to let no one come between you and the Lord. Invite the Lord into whatever is going on in you are around you. Learn for yourself what Ephesians 6 says about spiritual warfare. Hold it dear to your heart not just to quote but to embrace its POWER! Get your Spiritual Armor on. Remember HIS WORD is necessary Spiritual Food for your soul!

Yes, you can, Believe & say; “I CAN DO ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me!” Philippians 4

Yes, You can move forward. Some unconsciously choose to stay “stuck.” Some simply don’t care either way they have grown so accustomed to anxiety. It has become and unhealthy “insecurity blanket!” Rather than let the resentment go they may elect to anesthetize themselves with drugs, alcohol, smoking, promiscuity, gossip, over or under eating or some other reckless behavior or distraction. This unhealthy behavior will only lead to further disappointment and possibly more addictions rather than freedom. Abusive outbursts and out of control undisciplined behavior and resentment is the unhealthy response rather than deal with the inner pain. You can break the cycle. But it takes work & dedication!

Know that GOD wants you to be Happy. He wants you to experience the Fruit of His Spirit. See Galatians 5. Jesus overcame sin in the flesh for us! We are not to make anyone else responsible for our happiness. Being happy is each individual’s own personal responsibility. As a believer God’s Holy Spirit is always there to help us at all times. Sin is what separates us from God! We must humbly submit and be willing to repent of any sin. Then we can keep moving forward to wholeness! THANK GOD for your DELIVERANCE!

See Part 5

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Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 2

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!


Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 2

Resentment leaves an endless void that one attempts to fill with things that are usually unhealthy for them. You avoid confronting what is bothering you. There is a way out of this.

Marriage is the perfect place to learn properly how to deal with resentment. You two are supposed to be life partners. Like it or not you vowed to help one another become the best that each of you can be? Or were those just words? However each spouse must be willing to take responsibility for their part!

You cannot change what has happened but you can begin to learn how to “let go” of any resentment. Letting go does not mean that you continue to allow the action(s) to occur again. It means that you make a conscious effort to make some behavior changes. Insanity is; “dong the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

Many marriages suffer because resentment is what binds the husband and wife together. Life has become a tally board of how many times they have hurt one another or allowed others to hurt them. Instead of becoming transparent and drawing closer to one another. They all too often run to their friends and seek their support rather than seeking to resolve the problem within their marriage.

There is nothing wrong with talking with your friends, relatives or having a support group. There is nothing wrong with having a therapist, counselor, life coach or any other professional service. Be sure that you are honest if you want favorable results. Just make sure that you do not relay the incident in a way that you are supported when or if you are in the wrong. This will not really help you, your family, friends nor your marriage. This does not mean that the experience was not painful or wrong! You instead seek to become empowered by the incident once you commit to resolve the related unresolved anger. Why? Because you want to be free from it. Or do you really? This means that you will have to allow the pain to dissipate that is associated with what has transpired. But it must first be allowed to come to the Light so you can properly deal with it.

You will have to build a bridge of emotional stability across it to not let it hold you captive any longer. It does not mean that you have to forget. It means that you will have to confront yourself and how you have allowed whatever it is to remain unresolved.

See part 3

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Growing and maturing beyond resentment Part 1

Marriage God's way Works!

Marriage God’s way Works!


Growing and maturing beyond resentment

Part 1

Resentment can kill or deteriorate any marriage, home, family or relationship if it is not properly dealt with. Resentment means you feel over and over the pain or distaste associated with an act or deed that has been made against you.

Don’t let others continue to disrespect you or undermine who you are becoming in the Lord. Especially when they have showed you over and over who they are. I say “becoming” because we never arrive; there is always room for improvement as long as the Lord has us on this side of Heaven. Pray for discernment. We actually do arrive; when we reach Heaven!

Avoiding conflict or not confronting how you feel and just stowing it away causes resentment to grow and fester. It is healthier to validate your feelings. Resentment hurts you more than it hurts the person you are resenting!

Merriam Webster Dictionary defines resentment as such: “a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.” You can feel resentment towards a spouse, parent, child, relative, friend, neighbor, boss, coworker, person of the clergy, abuser or even a stranger. Life is precious. It is far better to readily discuss the matter at hand candidly and respectfully.

Many wait too long and allow the clarity of the facts to diminish. Often the truth is totally distorted an misconstrued. Just know if you do not address the associated issue, resentment will keep you fixated upon a momentary encounter for years. It will rob you from moving forward when a lot of the time the person has no clue that you are stuck in an abyss of not liking what was said, done or transferred upon your soul.

You really can become whole! THANK GOD FOR JESUS!

Always seek to build your character in the eyes of GOD. It is HIS opinion of you that matters most. As you grow in the Lord; Fear no one and walk in meekness. Above the Lord is no other. Truly GOD IS OMNIPRESENT

Do not let resentment become the theme of your life, marriage or relationship! Letting go of resentment does not mean that you forget what has happened. Many are quick to say “forgive & forget.” Forgiving does not mean that you should forget. Some things you do not want to forget you want to remember in order to prevent them from happening again. You do however want to work through the hurt or pain associated with it so it therefore no longer holds you captive. Today many seek to relive over and over their issues and often seek out others to further enable them. You really should want to file it away in a healthy manner so that it no longer becomes a trigger for anger nor does it negatively impact your life.

Healing is welcomed because you really do want to become whole!

See part 2

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Kindness” Part 5

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Kindness”

Couple in Grass

Part 5

Kindness is a virtue! Mutual kindness needs to be embedded throughout your marriage! Marriage is the first institution between a man and a woman that was created by God. Marriage is designed to be a mutually loving, satisfying partnership experience! As husband and wife you both have made sacred vows to honor one another as well as God! A part of honoring those vows means to be considerate of one another and sincerely extending kindness to one another. Kindness is a part of the Fruit of the Spirit! It is very important to continue to nurture your marriage when you truly desire to build a healthy lasting and rewarding marital relationship.

What is kindness really? Kindness defined according to the Encarta Dictionary is; “A compassionate act; an act that shows consideration and caring.” This is why kindness is so important within marriage.

All too often more consideration and thought are often placed into the planning of the wedding or ceremony than the actual marriage itself. If you have allowed your relationship to go stale and the two of you are drifting apart you can do something about it. This is true regardless at whatever your age is, as well as however long you two have been married. As long as there is breath in your body there is room for improvement!

The quality of your marriage can or should improve like a fine antique! But you both must make it a priority to value and take care of your marriage! Think about it! What was your purpose for marrying anyway? Was it to make one another miserable? During your dating or courtship there must have been some tender moments that drew you together? Or did you do so out of sheer obligation? Or in some cases perhaps you had an arranged marriage and you are expecting love to follow… Whatever the case there is always room for improvement!

Kindness should be an integral part of your marriage. Being kind brings warmth and yields sparks of compassion and understanding. It holds selfishness at bay when you consider how your spouse is feeling. You care enough to speak the truth in love and want what is best for one another. Kindness brings trust and freedom! Knowing that your spouse is committed to you and the marriage yields security!

Life is serious and we are living in some interesting times. Life is full of many mountaintop and valley experience. Even when things are not going well when you embrace kindness it allows you to be at peace with one another! Disagreements are normal. But they do not have to be resolved by resorting to name calling, hurling hurtful word for words and physical or mental abuse. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, those who love it will eat its fruits!” Proverbs 18.

A good healthy argument is great and allows you both times to vent! But please don’t fuss and fight like children all the time! If or when one or both of you are angry, table the discussion for a reasonable period of time later on until you can discuss things rationally! Yes! Keep the child in you alive but do not allow it to take control! The child in you loves to have fun it also likes to have its way! The growing adult in you must be willing to take responsibility when necessary. Kindness and consideration prevents dysfunction from nesting itself within the marriage. Dealing with the issues at hand and the desire to keep moving forward will help you build a strong secure fulfilling ever growing marriage!

Gentlemen it is important to know that a woman was made to be loved! Taking the time to listen and be sensitive, supportive and caring to her needs speaks volumes! Your genuine love will help her to become all that she can be. Ladies a man desires to be respected and trusted! Listen twice as much (since in general we tend to talk more) attentively and don’t be so eager to talk before he is finished expressing himself. Be sensitive, supporting, and caring of his needs as well. This in turn helps him to become all that he can become. Good open healthy communication makes a great marriage!

So embrace your vows and always freely express love, joy, peace, patience and kindness! Enjoy your journey together! After all marriage is really where; “the two become one flesh…”

Part 6

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Love” Part 1

Couple in GrassEmbracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Love”
Couple in Grass

Part 1

Marriage is the first time-honored foundational institution designed by God. It is the ultimate endearing relationship between man and woman sanctioned by God. Marriage is an emotional, spiritual, physically expressive holy union of two hearts joining together as one. Marriage bonds the couple together in love as committed life partners as their hearts are knitted together, and is intended to last a lifetime!

With God as the center of your marriage it can become a marvelous adventurous endless circle! Your marriage is or will be whatever you make it together. Since we are all created uniquely different so are marriages. Marriage takes teamwork! It is important to know what God’s principles for marriage entail. Embracing the Fruit of His Spirit helps to produce healthier marriages. When spouses honor marriage vows they also honor God! This is why marriage is called “Holy Matrimony!”

What is the Fruit of the Spirit?

The Bible teaches us that: “The Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, gentleness & self control.” When you both embrace these principles you are inviting the presence of the Lord into your Marriage! The possibilities become limitless!

Although two separate individuals the potential for achieving “Oneness” in marriage should become a priority! Developing mutual respect and devotion toward one another is a plus. The spiritual aspect of marriage is too often neglected. Think about it for a moment you have made a commitment to your spouse and to God as well!

Love defined God’s way!

Love is often confused with lust! Know that there is a difference. Today many think that letting them do as they please or having whatever they want or telling them what they want to hear is love… Some have what I call “intoxicating affections.” This actually mimics love! There will initially be a strong desire to be with someone but the feelings dissipate over time, and they just don’t last.” This is why you cannot build a good strong marriage on just feelings or emotions. A great marriage in the making takes a lifetime. It will weather the storms of life and provide you with a committed trustworthy spouse!

Think hard and long before you say “I love you!” It is important to become more cognizant of your thoughts, attitudes and actions. As you begin to truly embrace God’s love in your marriage and personal life you will see an amazing difference! God’s definition of love teaches us that; “Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in Truth. It always protects, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails!” I Corinthians 13.
True love is powerful and will motivate you to do what is right by your spouse. Once you have activated your Faith in God and implement His principles within your own life love can begin to abound! Love gives you hope! Hope motivates you to grow and increases your desire to improve!

Benefits of welcoming love!

To welcome love in your marriage is a choice! Make it a priority to really get to know the likes and dislikes of your spouse! Surprise them by doing something that you know that they will really enjoy! When your spouse is happy you both benefit! Of course there will be times that you do not agree. Being unhappy and unfulfilled does not have to be the theme of your marriage. Seek to discover healthier ways to resolve any conflict! Nip disagreements in the bud whenever possible. Learn to appreciate one another! Wherever you are there is always room for improvement! Make it a goal to live a life of quality! When you truly love with godly love, you can also experience His joy!

Benefits of welcoming the Fruit of the Spirit

Part 2

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Peace” Part 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Peace”
Couple in Grass

Part 3

Peace brings you a sense of inner calmness and serene tranquility! Desiring peace within your marriage is a desirable aspiration. Your marriage is or should become one of your most prized relationships. The desire to achieve a harmonic balance is attractive. Life can become difficult and very complex. It’s important to have a place where you both can retreat from life pressures, hectic schedules and or the constant demand upon your lives. Sometimes the two of you may want to sit back, relax and just “chill!” Working together you really can make it happen!

Is your marriage growing?

Is your marriage all that you want it to be? Are you growing closer together or farther apart? When the two of you married was it because you wanted to build a relationship together? If you have gotten off track get back on! Marriage affords you the opportunity to get to know your spouse on a much deeper level. As you spend more time together you can become sensitive or insensitive to one another,s desires, wants and needs. It’s your choice? Think about it, you both can determine together what type of harmonious home environment you want to create. Or one or the other can simply dominate your household and make it miserable for one another!

There is always room for improvement. Good marriages don’t just happen! Having a home that welcomes peace is relaxing and inviting! It also keeps you both much healthier! Having a peaceful abode does not mean that you have to compromise your values! It does mean that you must deal with situations as they arise rather that allow them to ferment. In other words please do not sweep things under the rug. When appropriate acknowledge that there is a problem. You don’t always have to have an outright brawl… You can table deep discussions for a later agreed time when you both have had a little time to think things over. This way you can begin to more responsibly deal with any issues! Confronting issues is not always easy but necessary! Don’t let the weeds of hostility and anger begin to ravage and unravel your marriage. Keep in mind building a good marriage requires learning how to become considerate of one another’s feelings and emotions.

Building intimacy makes way for a healthier marriage

Time is precious so you do not want to spend the majority of it unhappy, mad, stressed or living on pins and needles. When either one of you has to walk around on eggshells it is not good! You want to learn how to become transparent with one another. This is how you create a healthy bond. You allow one another to see the “real you!” Feelings need to be validated but you can learn to talk about unpleasant issues in a healthier manner! You do so at work or you would not be able to keep your job. Well, how important is your marriage? Good communication is what builds intimacy and welcomes trust!

Marriage is the ultimate partnership for a man and a woman to experience true “Oneness” in every way! In a safe marriage your lovemaking is also enhanced because you can become transparent, open and responsive! The desire for peace in your marriage is an attainable realistic goal. When both husband and wife work together as a team to make their marriage a priority they can accomplish much!

Invite God into the center of your marriage and I assure you your marriage will flourish. After all you included Him in your vows, or did you? Peace is a part of the Fruit of the Spirit! Embracing your marriage vows helps immensely to welcome His peace. God can give you, “His peace that surpasses the understanding of man.” Philippians 4. Your vows will then become much more than mere words and your commitment to one another grows!

In building a healthy marriage together as a team you consciously elect to go through the tests and trials of life together. If and whenever necessary you seek wise godly council. Instead of situations or issues pulling you apart you face them together! This will eventually result in you both becoming more confident in your marriage. Your countenance will even begin to reflect satisfaction and inner fulfillment. Together you strive to empower one another to become the best you! The benefits of the Fruit of the Spirit are apparent! Your love and joy grows! You as a couple can also inspire others to respect and cherish their marriages as well. Marriage is what you make it. You both being on one accord realize that life is a precious journey filled with highs and lows. Your ever increasing commitment to one another is a priority and you welcome peace. Peace yields harmony and harmony yields togetherness!
Part 4

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