Marriages and Affairs – Part I

Marriages that do not include “Transparency & Intimacy” are susceptible to infidelity. An affair is a sexual relationship between two people outside of marriage! An affair can also be an emotional attachment. Be it physical or emotional there is a transference that occurs. The spouse has opted to seek someone outside of the marriage to meet their physical or emotional needs!

When either spouse does not learn how to become transparent they are usually deficient in the intimacy department. Although the relationship continues marital “Trust” is not established. There is a lingering element of insecurity that is indicative of the relationship! There is also an insatiable void! A pattern of ongoing dysfunction within the marriage can easily be established if not dealt with… Secrecy becomes a part of the marriage!

Marriage was designed so each spouse could grow together and openly share their wants, needs and insecurities and become sensitive, and vulnerable to one another! The desire is to build a loving environment of trust and enjoy life together with one another! This is what transparency is all about! This leads to building a stronger cohesive bond. Each partner is different yet equally important. Mutual respect cultivates a healthier environment where your personal needs can be met! Vigorously meeting one another’s marital needs are then a major priority in your marriage!

There are numerous reasons why someone is not able to establish “intimacy and transparency.” When one has been abused, mistreated, neglected, lack coping skills, is subject to peer pressure, or has an addiction they quite often lack self esteem as well. They may suffer from depression, rather than address their hurts they suppress them. It may also be that they simply lack moral and spiritual values. In either case they may unconsciously select a partner that does not subscribe to transparency or is abusive! The relationship tends to remain surface without depth and void of any fulfillment. This in itself can cause one to continue to look beyond marriage to have their needs met. Secrecy begins to dominate the marriage!

Each marriage is quite different! Each spouse has a different temperament. They each vary in the need or desire for Inclusion, Control and Affection. Some couples marry and establish a businesslike relationship. They then often seek to have their emotional and sometimes physical needs met outside of the marriage. Open marriages rarely work. They do not allow the couple to properly bond and establish trust and intimacy. Here again there is also usually an underlining insecurity. Some seek open marriages because they lack the ability to commit to a trusitng monogamous relationship.

Adults need healthy self esteem! When they do not have self confidence there is then a tendency to cover it up! Drugs or alcohol is another way of covering up low esteem and inner pain to compensate for their insecurities. The changing shift in morals increases and abets experimentation in the area of illicit sex and drugs as well. Countless individuals are currently addicted to pornography and other sexually related addictions. Unknowing they have been seduced not thoroughly considering the spiritual ramifications or consequences of walking in disobedience! This is why it is important to know that God sees everything!

Many enter into marriage without really getting to know the person they marry. Either spouse has quite often, not taken the time to examine one another’s values or priorities. They in fact are “unequally yoked.” Your spouse is supposed to be your life partner! Marriage is supposed to be a commitment to God’s design for marriage! This is why it is so important not to rush into marriage for whatever reason? After all, you are going to be together for a lifetime?

There is much on the horizon in this 21st century to change God’s design for marriage. It is within the context of this article I am attempting to make an exertion to address “Marriage God’s Way” and some of its surrounding issues. His original design for marriage has not changed.

When one hastily rushes heart first into marriage, the relationship often become compartmentalized and there are parts of one another that are not readily shared. It takes more time for each spouse to sort through the layers of personality. In order to grow together there must be the desire for ongoing transparency. When one does not become transparent emotional walls begin to erect. In the interim you may “walk on eggshells.” This becomes stressful as well as unhealthy! Nor does this let your spouse in and often one elects to supplement their needs outside of the marriage.

Pornography, sexual addictions of all sorts and affairs are on the rise in this 21st century. These are a few of the unhealthy ways of meeting your marital needs outside of marriage! Addictions are strong, uncontrollable compulsive behaviors that are damaging to the mind, body and soul! Sexual dysfunction is prevalent today and rising! It is a not only a physical disorder but psychological as well. STD’s and HIV become probable dire health issues? Since sex outside the sanctity of marriage is often supported this tends to make it much easier to go outside the marriage to seek ways to get your needs met.

Our teens need better healthy committed marriage role models! Sexual feelings are natural and should be openly discussed rather than ignored! Many teens participate in sex before marriage without fully considering the bonding that takes place when sex occurs. Promiscuity among teens often occurs when one seeks to fill their inner void through sexual relationships. Not realizing that they are actually giving away parts of themselves. There is an enormous amount of peer pressure for teens! This can result in unexpected pregnancies. This can also later result in further hindering future transparency in marriage!

Marriage is the first institution that God designed! “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh…” You void Trust when you dishonor your marriage vows… It is important to know what you join yourself together with becomes a part of you! This is another reason why one should take their time in selecting a spouse!

If you are a believer, you must consult our Creator and Maker instead of embracing the world’s many alternatives? If you have ignored Him, you can always change? God is able! Start right where you are! You must begin to diligently seek God for help with your marriage! Meditate on His Word, embrace and implement His principles in your life! Begin to be honest with your spouse! Or you can continue to “do your own thing?”

Getting your needs met outside of marriage is not His way. It is actually a weakness taking the helm of your life. This leads you on the broad road that leads to destruction. This will eventually devastate your spouse and further weaken your ability to build a strong healthy marriage and hinders your spiritual life as well. One must take some time and ponder what the impact of practicing infidelity or sex outside of marriage does to their spouse! It hurts them terribly!!!

* If you are in ministry one should really take time to address the consequences of indulging in a sexual relationship outside of marriage! You water down your effectiveness and invalidate the call on your life! The Word teaches us a seducing spirit is in operation here and causing you to “walk in the flesh” See Galatians 5.

If you are a believer it is important to know the WORD of God! The Word was never meant to be a set of rigid legalistic rules and regulations. It is our “Life Manual!” A powerful loving guide that is designed to point us to TRUTH! To keep us on the straight and narrow road! God is now your Father or is He? God does not force us; we have the right to choose! It is important to weigh the consequences? You do not want to be a stranger to His will and way! Or do you?

When you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord you are saying you want to develop an intimate transparent relationship with Him! Don’t let the world dull your conscience and spiritual ethics! As long as we all are on this side of heaven we are here to learn and grow spiritually! The Lord sees us individually and knows exactly where each of us are! We are supposed to reach out for the Lord, call on Jesus and apply His Word to our lives daily! His arms are always open …

Pray

God knows your thoughts, motives, desires and intentions. He even knows why and what you are praying for before you make your request known! God’s omniscience is often overlooked. Omniscience means God has universal awareness, understanding and insight. There is nothing that is said, thought about or done, anywhere or any place that He is not aware of. Omnipotent means God virtually has infinite unlimited authority or influence. Omnipresence is another attribute that solely belongs to God. God is everywhere at all times. How do I access the Father? Jesus is the door. Jesus is the way to the Father! It is through prayer we communicate with Him. Once you truly commit your life to Jesus Christ you are adopted into the family of God. He is the one and only Almighty Sovereign God!

Did you know that prayer is the key to your relationship with the Lord? Prayer is simply communication with God. Prayer is a supplication or expression that should be expressed earnestly and sincerely. Prayer is often sometimes inaudible. God tells us in His Word that we should pray without ceasing. Prayer in this circumstance is essentially a state of mind. God even tells us to go into your closet and close the door and pray to your Father who is unseen. “Then your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.” He can open doors no man can close. God is so GOOD! Prayer time with God will give you a healthy and clear conscience. Prayer is not always asking God for something. We should readily thank God for all He has done when we pray. It is in HIM we move and live and have our being! God is truly worthy of our thanks and praise!

If you are a child of GOD you should relish your personal prayer time with your Father. God is aware of what we need as well as what we do not need. This is why it is so important that we are honest and sincere when we call upon His name. Remember prayer is not always asking God for something! It is not something we just do in the presence of others to get their attention. But when others are in attendance you should include them in prayer. Prayer is not just mere words we utter repetitively. Prayer is not a time to just let those who are present know how you feel. The effectiveness is not determined by the cadence, tone or volume of your voice. It is not just a time to just emotionally charge others. It really is the content and posture of your heart that concerns God. To humbly and sincerely usher oneself into the presence of the Lord one must relinquish self. Any unconfessed sin hinders your prayer encounter. With God you must be real! When you truly enter into the presence of the Lord it can change the unchangeable. Prayer can heal a broken heart, life, home or relationship. The things that are impossible with man are possible with God! “Oh give thanks unto the Lord for He is GOOD and His mercy endureth forever!” It is important when we pray, that we pray, God’s will be done in our lives.

The prophet Jeremiah kept in constant prayer with the Lord. Jeremiah was called to remind Israel of the consequences of disobedience. Jeremiah fervently reminded them of their immoral behavior. The religious establishment plotted to silence Jeremiah. Jeremiah was discouraged. to the point he began to wonder why he was not allowed to just die in his mother’s womb. In his despair Jeremiah cries out to the Lord. He tries to keep quiet since he is constantly mocked for proclaiming God’s Truth. The Word of the Lord is so vehement in his soul that he can not contain it. This is when he says “His Word is in my heart like fire. A fire shut up in my bones.” Jeremiah knew that they were waiting for him to slip. Jeremiah was maturing as a prophet. He knew that the Lord wanted him to continue. He even went so far to tell them if they put him to death that his innocent blood would be on their hands. When the Lord gives you an assignment it is very important that you keep in constant communication with Him. When pressured to conform it is important to be transformed by the renewing of your mind by the Word of God. God in His time will bring everything to the light. God will never lead you to do anything that goes against his principles. Jeremiah’s life demonstrates how important it is to remain faithful to God. Sometimes we must forego the support of others rather than disobey God. Prayer is the key to help you stay focused if you are ever faced with such a situation.

Did you know God can not be manipulated? There is a big difference between uniformity and unity! It is not necessary to manipulate situations or people to get your way. This is why it is important to pray and ask God if something is in His will for you. God allows many things. He did not create us to be robots. Proverbs tell us that there is a way that seems right to man? But the end will eventually lead to destruction. Did you know sometimes your way may be out of the will of God? You only hinder the ultimate plan that God has for your life. God wants us to be disciplined. Daily worship and prayer is crucial. This will strengthen your daily spiritual walk. It will also sharpen your ability to discern!

The Scriptures clearly tells us that the prayers of the righteous are powerful! Life is full of snares for the believer. Wide road travelers are plentiful. Fewer desire to travel the narrow way. When we lift Holy hands to Him we acknowledge and invite His presence! We serve an all knowing and wise God! Denial will keep you in the dark. Honesty really is the best policy! God’s angels encamp around those who have committed themselves to His will and His way. This is why His Word is so marvelous! God will direct you through His Word! He will even warn you. God is faithful! He is the ultimate Father He will provide a way out of no way. Personal as well as corporate “Prayer Time” are essential to the body of Christ. We must learn to relinquish our will and strive to choose God’s way.

Did you know that Jesus withstood great persecution and mistreatment? They even called Him a devil. The enemy is the father of lies. He always cloaks or distorts the truth! He always mixes Truth and error. That is when you know that something is not of God! But don’t be dismayed it will only last for a season. Oh! But remember “What a Friend we have in Jesus!” We are to carry everything to Him in prayer. Remember Jeremiah? Sometimes not responding at all is a good idea. Exercising your spiritual muscles will strengthen your walk. God never tempts us to do anything. As you take time daily for your personal worship you will begin to respond differently. Practice “praying without ceasing!” To be a disciple means you actually learn how to discipline yourself to respond in a way that pleases God. You embrace repentance in lieu of accepting denial.

You must begin to exercise self control! You cannot please God and man! God’s way is always the best way. God’s weapons are not carnal. God tells us to “pray for them that despitefully use you!” You see it is really not about how things appear to others. What is important is what God knows! He knows the posture of our hearts. Remember He knows the TRUTH! He also knows when something is not true! He knows everything!

The time we spend here on earth is relatively short in comparison to the time we spend in eternity with God! There is no need to be afraid. But you must be aware evil is about us. God can and will protect you from all evil. Remember the disciples sample prayer? God can and will deliver you from evil! You can genuinely smile or not respond improperly in the midst of trials and persecution. This does not mean that you are in a delusionary frame of mind. Quite the contrary. It just means your focus is on God rather than the situation. Your character will be strengthened and your Faith and Trust will be renewed. Remember with Jesus as the conductor life becomes a symphony! God will free you! Jesus really did die for us to live differently. This is why His Word tells us “Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead be filled with the SPIRIT! Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

The majority of the work of God’s Church is “Beyond The Walls.” Yes, the work within the walls is important. Many work within the walls. Many live to please those within the walls rather than live to please God. I want to share something with you it is a lot easier to please God. God positions His children in different places. “The earth really is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof the world and them that dwell therein.” It is not necessary to jockey for a position when you know that God has a place in the body for you. We must continue to pray for those who are shackled by sin within and without the walls. Who really do not know that the gates of Hell will not prevail against God’s True Church. This scripture is not talking about the physical structure. There is not one iota of doubt in my mind that I am God’s child. If you really know Him you should feel the same way. It is an inexpressible comfort when you have a real personal encounter with the Lord. God is so great! Praise God for His Word.

Did you know that there is only one true Church? If He came to your home would He be welcomed? If He came to your job or your place of business would you acknowledge Him? Honestly ask yourself if Jesus came to your church service would He really be welcomed? Perhaps, only if He were to tithe? Perhaps if he dressed how you think he should? Are you sure of what kind of heart you have? Perhaps if he would conform to your order of service? Only if He sits where you think He should sit? Would you betray Him like Judas? Remember when he threw the money changers out? Jesus said that His Church should be a house of prayer! Did you know that Jesus can provide and will provide for everything you need without manipulating others to give out of guilt? I believe He did say that “HE WOULD SUPPLY ALL OF OUR NEEDS….” Not some but all!
God welcomes repentance! Repent means to change. To turn your mind, heart, body and soul in the direction God is leading. To abandon the prideful direction of having to do things your way and humbly move towards God. You must be willing to admit it when you are wrong. To embrace Truth pleases God! God really wants us to live victoriously. Remember He is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. God is there for you. God has a plan for the lives of each of His children. So there is really no need to be jealous. Your position in the body is the capacity in which you function. Who you are is God’s child. By the way “He is not a respecter of persons”. God really does know and see what we do. It is much better to just want the things that God wants you to have, to desire to live out HIS WILL in your life!

There is much peace when you really know you are walking in the path of RIGHTEOUSNESS! How will you know when God is leading you? This is why it is so important to pray and obey! This will help you not get sidetracked by what others say or do! Know that God has power over darkness. Again it is during your prayer time you can be refueled and prepared for the fiery darts. God let’s nothing come our way that He is not aware of. It is our responsibility to respond in a manner that pleases Him! This will give you a clear conscious. Remember God’s weapons are not carnal. If you don’t stand for God you will fall for anything! When you are adorned with God’s full spiritual armor the shield of faith with extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one! Just exercise patience and pray. God is the author and finisher of our faith. He has given each of His children a measure of faith. “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.