Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”
Part 9 No. 3
Trust and good communication are crucial values within a good marriage. Transparency and intimacy is built upon trust. It is really important to not rush into making any decisions that will impact the rest of your life. Take time and first consider the consequences! There is much to learn about one another. Work on building good communication skills.
Here are few final things to keep in mind!
Make it a point to have some good healthy quality discussions before you jump heart first into marriage. If you are already married take the time to find out how your spouse feels, thinks and processes their thoughts and emotions. Please don’t just assume. Feelings need to be validated. Have some deep heartfelt discussions. You need to really know what one another values.
Here are a few questions to ponder and discuss!
What are your likes and dislikes? How do feel about children? What your beliefs are in regards to discipline? How do you feel about the manner in why you both handle discipline? How do you both resolve conflict? Who or what do they believe in? How do they feel about God and prayer? What are their moral standards or convictions or do they have any at all… Is faithfulness important? What does it really mean to be faithful? Is divorce an option? These are a few of the many things you want to discuss and ponder in order to build a better marriage!
The growing trend today is to simply just change partners when you are not happy. As an adult you have the right to decide, but you always should consider the long and short term consequences. I recommend taking some time to rid yourself of some of the baggage that you have been carrying before jumping into another marriage. All too often it is just pushed to the side only to rise and cause even greater problems the second or even third time around. If you are already married work with what you have. Take inventory and then set some goals together. It’s important to make plans together, things change so be flexible. Your marriage won’t just work itself out. Now is the time to begin to exercise self-control as well as all the rest of the “Fruit of the Spirit.” After all you have made a Covenant with one another and to God…
Happiness is a choice, so you both need to decide to make this a mutual goal. There will be highs and lows. So always make love deposits of care, concern, respect, romance and thoughtfulness to your marriage. This will help you weather the storms. You cannot change one another. There is always room for improvement in all of us. You can help bring out the better qualities in one another. Your marriage should always be a priority! Working together will have amazing results!
Exercising self-control is a choice! Rather than tearing one another down all the time build one another up! Chastise one another in love instead to encourage self improvement. Have some good healthy dialogue and let what has hindered your marriage to this point go and move forward as partners! Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It means that you have decided to let whatever it is go, and move forward not holding the offense against them. The past becomes a reminder of your decision to let go and move on. Each day now becomes a new day for building a better marriage! Welcome embracing all the “Fruit of the Spirit” everyday! I assure you that in the long run, you will be much happier! Because happiness is a choice!
By the way, if you are divorced, in the process of a divorce married or remarried try really hard to not involve the children in your disputes. Please don’t use them as message carriers. After all, your first priority should be for their emotional wellbeing. You two were not able to resolve your conflicts. Children are more observant than you think. You have been in an emotional battle and it there are some residual hurt feelings. Give your children the opportunity to express themselves. Model to them the “Fruit of the Spirit” as you all move forward yet separately.
Marriage God’s way can work. But you both must be willing to mutually embrace godly principles and actually implement them within your marriage. So get busy building a marriage that lasts!
“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control…” Galatians 5.
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness need to be accompanied with self-control. All of the above are components of the “Fruit of the Spirit” that manifests within us as we truly embrace God within our lives. As we consistently spend time in the Word of God and begin to actually implement His principles we grow spiritually. There are major benefits when you both embrace and employ them within your marriage.
We have finally made it to self- control! Although it is the last one listed it is a top priority. There are 9 components to the Fruit of the Spirit. Part 9 of this miniseries will conclude in 3 parts so bear with me and read on. Your comments are welcomed!
When you married or whenever you decide to marry it is important to know that marriage is a Covenant Agreement. You made or will make a solemn vow to love your spouse. True love lasts forever! Love is a crucial essential element of a good marriage. It is important to know how your spouse defines and interprets love!
Search the scriptures assiduously to arrive at a better understanding of what love really is. True love continues to grow and flourish. Self-control is a component of love. Love will help you weather the storms of life. It enables you to rise to the peaks and go through the tempestuous valley experiences that often occur, when building a strong, intimate, healthy, satisfying marriage that endures the tests of time.
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit will build a good healthy strong marriage.
Self-Control is so very important! It will help you in every area of your life! Self-control allows you to be controlled from within rather than by any sort of outer, physical, mental, or emotional remote control. You simply don’t just automatically react to anything or anyone and let it trigger an impulsive response. Instead you choose to respond in a responsible manner. Or whenever you do react impulsively you are willing to admit that you were at fault. This is exercising self-control.
Remember practice makes permanent!
Wow! We have finally reached the finale in our quest to encourage you to embrace the “Fruit of the Spirit” within your marriage. The more you practice self-control the better you become at exercising it personally.
Self-control defined is: “the ability to exercise restraint over one’s feelings reactions etc. The act of denying yourself and controlling your impulses.” Keep this definition in mind as we continue on.
No. 2 of 3
Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Faithfulness”
Faithfulness is a very important aspect of building a strong healthy marriage!
Marriage really is about teamwork! Is your marriage really what you expected? Or did you expect things to just happen? Your marriage will not bloom and flourish unless you both put forth an effort. The two of you need to make a conscious genuine attempt to honor your marriage vows. Your health, mental state, physical stamina and well being are greatly impacted by the manner in which you relate in your marriage! Together you have the ability to create a healthy, invigorating, enjoyable, relaxing and harmonious home environment.
Marriage is the ultimate partnership relationship between a man and a woman! A good marriage embraces loyalty and faithfulness! Faithfulness is an expression of love!
It is important to learn to become transparent with your spouse. Marriage is about continuously growing and encouraging one another to become the best person that they can be… This way everyone benefits.
Make it a point to become increasingly aware of one another’s temperaments! Temperament is how we react or respond to people, places and things in any given situation. Temperament is our innate inherent characteristics that make us unique. No two persons are really the same. But two people can learn to live together in harmony as we respect one another. This is how your love grows!
Embrace allowing the “Fruit of the Spirit” to flourish within each of you as well as within your marriage. Chastise one another yes, but speak the truth in love! Timing is key! There are times you must say to your spouse what no one else will say. This is to help one another to grow and improve. Rather than focusing on one another’s shortcomings, look for times to build one another up and encourage one another when the opportunity arises. This also builds transparency and intimacy. Physical and emotional intimacy is important in marriage. This too will enhance your moments of close physical intimacy. A good strong marriage makes you both better and stronger individuals who have one another’s best interest at heart. Learn to lay aside improper or dysfunctional ways that will only hinder your spiritual growth as well as your marriage!
Lovingly, and faithfully work together to make sure that one another’s sexual needs and desires are realized and fulfilled within your marriage. Your physical intimacy becomes yet another committed expression of the depth of your love for one another. Together you can work through any issues that hinder you from freely expressing yourselves to one another… There is no need for shame when expressing what God made to be a beautiful time of coming together! Physically, emotionally and intimately the “two become one flesh” Within marriage the “marriage bed” is honorable in the sight of God. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.” Hebrews 13. You both commit to honor not only your marriage but the marriages of others.
Faithfulness is part of the Fruit of the Spirit! When you are faithful it yields oodles of security! You both know no matter what; that you can trust one another and that you are there for one another. Even when you disagree you have inner peace about your marriage because there is a deep well of trust built into the foundation of your relationship! Your marriage is a high priority! Life is complex and at times very difficult… Everyone has a bad day… So you do not readily personalize your spouse’s every word or frustration. You allow one another to vent when needed… You respect one another and become sensitive to their needs. Do not allow pride to take the reign of your marriage, be humble, caring, discerning and loving. This takes inner strength and patience… Faithfulness allows you to give one another the room to grow and give each other some space whenever necessary.
Marriage is sacred in the eyes of God! Spend some time in His Word and embrace and implement His principles for life and living within your marriage. He is the original Designer of marriage. God’s way really does works when we adhere to His principles! Building a strong loving marriage involves commitment and gentleness. Gentleness is another part of the Fruit of the Spirit we will discuss next in this series. I hope that this has been helpful and you are encouraged to take responsibility for your part in making your marriage successful! When you honor your marriage vows you honor God!
“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness…” Galatians 5.
Faithfulness says that I take my vows to you and to God seriously! That I am here for you no matter what and we can make it through anything! You are not only faithful to one another but you are faithful to God as well! You can invite God into the “messiness” of your life because you know that God is faithful! There are many benefits in learning how to embrace the Fruit of God’s Spirit within marriage! So now let’s move towards learning how to embrace gentleness…