MARRIAGE:Developing Intimacy

MARRIAGE:Developing Intimacy

Intimacy is an essential component in developing a strong, robust, rewarding and satisfying marriage. Marriage should consist of an intimate, healthy, warm endearing closeness. This attractive closeness results in building a comfortable, formidable, deeper understanding and appreciation for each other. Fostering a marital environment that welcomes intimacy will yield, trust, security and transparency within your relationship. Often two people marry and just parallelly coexist, not really getting to know one another. To further develop your relationship it is important to get to know your spouse on a much deeper level. A good healthy marriage does not just happen it takes teamwork. Do you really want intimacy in your relationship? It is a necessary ingredient when one desires a deep, long lasting gratifying marital relationship.

Marriage was originally designed by God to be the ultimate, life sustaining Christian marital relationship where two; one man and woman agree to come together and grow as husband and wife. Each should have one another’s best interest at heart. To desire to journey through life with, as well as share their personal growth experiences along with a committed partner. This then becomes the ultimate foundational environment in which to build the family. Did you know today as many as 60% of marriages end in divorce? It is important that your marriage is or becomes a priority to both of you. Intimacy will foster a stronger union that encompasses developing the ability to build a healthier marital bond. It is never too late to start building intimacy. It is fundamentally essential that each spouse should consciously embrace and continuously seek God’s direction and enlist His principles within your relationship. “God’s Love endures forever.”

What does intimacy really mean? Webster Dictionary defines intimate as follows: “1 a: intrinsic, essential b: belonging to or characterizing one’s deepest nature 2: marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity 3 a: marked by a warm friendship developing through long association b: suggesting informal warmth or privacy

The Bible describes marriage as two becoming one flesh. This is really truly a fascinating concept that has become all too common. Take some time and ponder on this; we were made for God. “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1. Today the world offers many variations as to what marriage can consists of? Remember God who is the Original Designer designed marriage to be a monogamous partnership between a man and a woman. Do you realize that you made a vow to love, walk together, grow together and go through both good and difficult life experiences with your spouse? Think about it your commitment was not only to your spouse but to God as well.

Man in general continues to quite often overlook the WORD of GOD in order to appease the desires of the flesh rather than seek the wisdom found in the Holy Scriptures. What was once sacred has become an optional alternative. The United States Supreme Court has even voted against the WORD of GOD in favor of same sex unions. This is a radical switch from the moral principles in which this country was founded upon. It is important to know God has not changed His principles for marriage.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame.” Genesis 2. Although Adam was very close to God he still needed human companionship. Intimacy in marriage is vitally important. Intimacy consists of being transparent; being able to freely express and communicate however it is you are feeling, to openly disagree without fear. To learn, express and experience the depth and benefit of God’s true Love within the confines of marriage. Intimacy when embraced helps you to also become closer to God. The Hebrew word for “intimate friend” is partner. Intimacy actually brings an element of responsible emotional freedom to your relationship. You do not elect to major in the minor things of life. Mutual trust, compassion, concern and respect then naturally become healthy components of your relationship.

Within marriage you are able to learn and understand the concept value of submission, which really is meekness. Meekness is so often misunderstood. It in no way implies weakness! It is a Fruit of God’s Spirit. It simply means “power under control.” Self control is an important element of the Fruit of God’s Spirit. The insecure desire to always want to dictate and control someone or something is easily relinquished when you know that it is God who really is in control of all things anyway. You also can easily recognize manipulation. “The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” Partaking in all the Fruit of His Spirit is quite beneficial. (See Galatians 5) Getting to know the Lord in an intimate personal way is so very important!

Why is it that all too often you are respectful to everyone else except your own spouse? Is your relationship often fueled by your residual unresolved emotions, impulsiveness, impatience and or hot tempers? When you usually relate in this mode to one another it will create a lot of tension between you. This also negatively impacts the overall quality of your relationship that can create a hostile unhealthy living environment. Relating in this manner, is it because you really do not believe that God is present when no one else is? Anger really grieves the Holy Spirit. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen, And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore as dearly beloved children and live a life of love.” Ephesians 4. The “TRUTH” really does set you free! How did you relate to each other before you married? It is important not to take one another for granted. “God’s Love endures forever.”

Since we live in the world that so strongly influences behavior, for many actually including God’s principles usually just becomes an afterthought. Common excuses “I’m human” well I hope so! Or “nobody’s perfect.” Did God not say “be ye perfect” because He is perfect, which really means mature not flawless. As God’s child we should be growing until He decides that it is time to meet Him face to face. Or repenting in stead of repeating. Pride usually takes the forefront. As a Christian your marriage should be different. God really is Omnipotent, He is right there! His Word is meant to be our life manual. When truly embraced fully and practiced, intimacy will alter how you interact and behave tremendously. You share mutual interests and your needs are met. You invite God in your circle. Of course you disagree at times but you learn to resolve most of your differences responsibly which further strengthens each of you as independent individuals, yet matures you as a couple.

Intimacy helps you to learn how to appreciate and to mutually respect one another, to entrust your inner self to your partner. This reinforces your union as a couple. You usually don’t impulsively just react when something or someone triggers you emotionally or “pushes your button”. You do not have to give them “a piece of your mind” all the time. I always say that I prefer to “keep my entire mind.” When put into practice you instead, learn to think first, and then responsively respond if and when necessary. The more you practice this principle you gain deeper insight and acquire calmness, inner peace and serenity. You do not just let others outwardly control you by remote. Be alert because you will be tested! “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires…” James 1 The peace of God brings much inner contentment. If you read on you will find that there really are spiritual benefits in learning how to bridle or control your tongue! God is AWESOME! Each of us has an innate God given unique temperament. “It is our temperament that determines how well we react to people, places and things. In short, it is how people react with their environment and the world around them.” (Creation Therapy by Dr. Richard & Phyllis Arno)

Our Creator knows what we need. The malleable brain, your mind God has given you has over 12 billion cells, and over 400 miles of capillaries within 100 sq ft. In other words it can store a lot of “stuff”. You know the saying “practice makes perfect” what we really should say is “practice makes permanent.” Be careful what you ……. Creativity and learning by building upon what you already know builds dendrites or increases learning which builds your mind. Spiritually digesting and applying God’s Word transfers into a stronger solid spiritual foundation. Intimacy with God works absolute wonders! God’s Word is spiritual food for your mind. He says we can be “transformed by the renewing of our minds…” Romans 12. Change is possible. Do you really believe His Word? God really does have a better way! This is why it is so important to consult the Lord and apply His Word. Since He created us He really does know what is best for us. “With God all things are possible!

Remember God has designed marriage for each of you to have a “helpmeet if desired.” Developing intimacy has to be a desired goal; it is not an automatic process. Rather than just “dump” on one another you create an environment where you can learn healthier relational dynamics. Intimacy also helps to release inner anxiety, allows free expression, frees your mind, and allows room instead for each of you to build an inner strength which stabilizes your relationship. The two becoming one is a spiritual principle of intrinsic value.

Marriage is supposed to be something that is cherished. It must be attended, nurtured and cared for in order to create an environment in which you both are able to mutually grow together both spiritually and emotionally. Each marriage is different and as two different individuals you both together are able to determine what your priorities are in your own marital relationship. It is important to respect, support, encourage, chastise and urge one another to be all they can be in life in order to grow and fulfill whatever their God given purpose may be. God wants to be a part of our lives each and everyday. Sometimes this requires a shifting or reprioritizing of what you think or perceive to be important. Ultimately instead of trying to fit God into our lives we should design our lives to center around Him.

Quite often when one thinks of intimacy they think only on terms of being physical. Many couples have and are experiencing physical relationships without any intimacy. They physically engage regularly with one another, without really getting to genuinely know one another. This may fill an immediate physical desire. However in the long run it hinders your ability to bond and develop a depth and significant security within your marriage that comes along with intimacy. There instead resides an insecure, unstable shallowness to the relationship just waiting to become unhinged. Intimacy is possible but it takes time and a mutual commitment to move towards a deeper transparent relational level in your marriage. “God’s Love endures forever.”

Share This:

Did You Know God Ordained Marriage From The Very Beginning?

hands_front

When the Mayor of San Francisco California decided that he would okay same sex relationships, he did not consider that he was going against the Word of God? Or did he? I do not say marriage because marriage is a covenant agreement with God. If you have read the Bible it is quite clear that God does not accept or condone these types of relationships. God created us to live our lives daily centered on Him. God wants His children to have an intimate personal relationship with Him. When we obey His Word we grow spiritually. There are many types of religions. But there is only one true God. Just about anything goes when you are religious. Just having a religious experience is not the same thing. Let’s further look at God’s design for marriage. Let’s take a look as well at what is going on in San Francisco. Do you think this is acceptable?

Did you know that from the very beginning God ordained marriage? He intended for marriage to be a committed covenant relationship. Adam was first created from the elements of the earth. God actually made Eve from a part of Adam’s body, to be by his side as his helpmeet. In today’s lingual this simply means companion. He told them to be fruitful and multiply. It is within the marriage union that two become one spiritually. God’s only design for marriage consists of one man and one woman. What is happening in San Francisco further distorts God’s design for marriage. Marriage between man and woman is the only type of marriage that God ordains. When the world’s principles are adopted we begin to drift further away from God’s principles. We must not compromise God’s principles. God loved us so much that He created us in His image. Marriage ordained by God is sacred. As Christians we really need to think about how much we truly value what God has to say about marriage and family.

I realize that in 2004 that just about anything goes in the world. It is becoming increasingly evident that many are confused about what God has to say about marriage. Accepting same sex marriages is not exercising unconditional love. We as Christians say we have committed to Jesus being the way, truth and the life? Or have we? Or is it okay when a majority of people decide to go along with whatever? God has already spoken quite clearly. God will not lead anyone to do anything wrong or contrary to His Word. Many are being mislead. As a Christian you need to daily include the Word of God in your spiritual diet. This is why the Lord’s Prayer tells us “Give us today our daily bread.” This also why God told Peter three times to “feed His Sheep.” What you eat spiritually is vitally important. When one adopts a daily spiritual meal of the Word you will grow stronger spiritually. This will actually help you to navigate properly in the world. Your desire to embrace what God has to say about marriage, life and living. will increase. When situations such as in San Francisco arise you will be able to recognize that this is not in line with God’s Word.

The world says you can have as many marriages as you please? Just make sure you get divorced. But God says that divorce occurs once one’s heart has hardened. Actually they are no longer open to working things out with the spouse to whom they have made a commitment. Many never resolve the bitterness that they experienced in an unsuccessful marriage. Many times they divorce because they really do not understand what God has said in regards to marriage. God’s Word talks about a hardened heart. People who have divorced know first hand what a hardened heart feels like. This is why it is so important to make sure that when you decide to marry someone you are committed. Make sure that you are aware your covenant is not only with your spouse but with God. Many people treat others better than they do their very own spouse. Marriage is an excellent opportunity to experience and ever increasing God centered love. God is love. God is eternal. The traditional wedding vows says “I pledge thee my troth” Troth means fidelity, faithfulness, loyalty and honestly. God honors integrity in marriage. God will and can teach you how to guard your heart in lieu of having a hardened heart experience.

Christian marriage & family values are often set aside. Today, due to the many broken marriages it is not often you can find a family with both biological parents and children. When same sex relationships are embraced it mocks God’s design for marriage. What do you mean? Same sex relationships should not receive the same recognition or benefits of marriage. This is why marriage is called Holy Matrimony. Holy means to be set apart for God! The truth is many have compromised God’s principles and begun to conform to the world. God’s original plan for marriage and family has not changed. Parents should instill in their children God’s principles for marriage. This does not mean that He does not accept families that are blended. Just know that there are additional relational dynamics that are experienced in the blended family. Read the story of Abraham and Sarah. Look closely at what happened between Ishmael and Isaac this is an excellent example of what happens when we do things contrary to what God says. The story of Joseph and his brothers is another example. Always remember God has all power He is always able to bring about healing in all and any situation.

Many times as a child of God you must forego acceptance .You must be willing to confront, resolve, acknowledge, repent and move forward whenever conflict arises. Sweeping things under the rug causes one to walk in denial. If too much time goes by this actually allows the facts often to become distorted. God really does have an effective resolution process. When you stand on God’s principles you never stand alone. God will never forsake you. God allows many things to happen. God wants to build our character. God wants us to instill in our children His principles. Jesus Christ is a solid rock! When you are rooted and grounded in His Word you will be spiritually grounded. The storms of life will not uproot you when your foundation is on the Lord. Life is a continual quest of spiritual growth. Spiritual warfare is a part of spiritual growth. God has said that those who live by His Word will be persecuted. There will always be those who will attempt to discredit you when you take a stand for what is right. Just make sure that your stance is anchored upon truth. You do not have to force God on anyone. God allows the freedom of choice. Remember it is not how things appear. God knows how they are really. It is vitally important to consult God when you desire to marry. We must learn to discipline ourselves to respond in a way that pleases God. It is very important to be absolutely sure that you KNOW you are a child of God. When you know for sure you are a child of God no one, nobody or nothing can ever change that; no matter what! This is why we must encourage others to faithfully study God’s Word. We should willingly encourage others whenever possible to embrace God’s design for marriage. We must go a step further and obey what His Word has to say. We have a spiritual and ethical responsibility to resolve life’s challenges His way. Trials are a part of life. When you focus on God He will shower His grace upon you even in the midst of a storm, test or trial.

In 2004 God’s plan for marriage has not changed. God has said that “pure and undefiled religion is to visit the widows and the orphans and to keep yourself unspotted from the world.” God said to “go ye therefore into the world….” The world will continue to change. God has said that it will continue to ignore what He has to say. It will continue to say anything goes. You can’t if you are a Christian. Everyone will have to give an account to God. I want to encourage you today to make, repent or renew your commitment to the Lord. Move beyond saying you are a Christian. The Lord wants you to make a difference wherever you are. Jesus was criticized for being different. It is okay to be different. God says that His children are peculiar. He tells us to be “as wise as a serpent, but as harmless as a dove.” He will give you peace in the midst of a world that constantly turns their back on Him. God’s design for His children for marriage and living has not changed. God’s Word is true! He still wants to be the center of our life, family and worship!

In 2004 should there be a difference? Yes, especially in the lives of His children. God’s children should make a difference. God’s children should stand on His Word! If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything! The world at large does not want to hear what God has to say! That is why He has provided us with a Savior! Jesus was grossly misunderstood, constantly ridiculed, persecuted and brutally beaten. But this did not stop Jesus from being about His Father’s business. He did not lose focus. John the Baptist went about crying “Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand.” He was beheaded at the request of Herodias’ daughter because her mother was angry that He simply told the truth. (Read the story for yourself) Stephen was stoned because He stood for what was right. The Apostle Paul stood for what was right. He too was mistreated and imprisoned and later crucified upside down. These are a few of many. Jesus was crucified! Why? He not only spoke truth, He was the Truth! I want to encourage you to really know Jesus and the power of His resurrection for yourself!

Desire to walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh. Romans tell us we are not condemned when we walk in the Spirit. Let Jesus be your example. Just remember that Jesus was not violent. Many times Jesus did not respond at all. The Bible even says there were times when He said nothing at all. Jesus was aware that they were trying to discredit Him. Yet, He went about doing the will of His Father. He consistently stood His ground by being obedient. Would Jesus say because it is 2004 God’s design for marriage has changed? Would Jesus say it is okay to marry someone of the same sex? Would He agree with what many call unconditional love? Can you truly love someone else and not sincerely know God? I do not think so! Perhaps instead we should say you have what I call “intoxicating affections” instead? When you have truly experienced love you will know the difference! God’s true love is thoroughly described in I Corinthians 13. Take some time and really check it out. Please do not read it for the sake of reading. Just really take a personal examination. One on one with the Holy Spirit. God today and everyday wants to be the center of our life. He wants you to know His Word and the power of His resurrection so you will not be tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine.

The world at large in 2004 is in chaos. Any and everything goes. Look around and see if the overall quality of life has improved? There is just about every kind of religion and/or organization that you can think of. But are you really growing spiritually? Not every congregation has God as their center of worship. A few are merely social groups filled with cliques. On the other hand there are many who sincerely love the Lord. There are many congregations that are truly Biblically sound and Spirit filled. They know what it means when we say “I’ve been washed by the blood of Jesus”. Sin does not have to reign in the life of the Christian. Spiritual growth yields discipline. When situations arise we should seek to resolve conflicts or differences in a Godly manner. Be encouraged! The Spirit of God’s power is evident in many multifaceted worship services. God loved us enough to allow us to choose? When Adam and Eve sinned He could have just said “too bad”. No redemption from sin. No way back to Him. But instead He allowed His Son to come and live a sinless life that we might have a way back to Him!

The newly elected San Francisco Mayor has decided to allow same sex marriages. How ironic, God allows the freedom to be wrong. The chaos in the world is the result of the many decisions that did not include God. This week the city of San Francisco allowed numerous couples of the same sex to participate in a ceremony. San Jose has embraced this idea as well. This goes in complete opposition to what God says in the Bible. Once we claim to have accepted Christ as our Savior it really does matter how we live? This is why it is so important not to conform. We are to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. Is it possible to live a God centered life in today’s time? I think so! Of course there will be consequences. You will still have trials, pain, sorrow and grief. But in the midst of it all you will have peace and joy that surpasses the understanding of man. You will be labeled and misunderstood. But you must remember that Jesus who never sinned was greatly misunderstood. His character too was maligned. Did you know Jesus’ accusers did not even honestly and openly face Him? Due to their own insecurity they plotted secretly. They allowed false witnesses to justify their unwarranted accusations. They desired to undermine His influence and credibility.

Character is who you are when nobody but God is watching! Jesus really did show us a better non violent way! I am so thankful that God is watching over all of us! I am really thankful to know that He has everything under His control. He has promised that He will not allow more in our lives than we can handle. God’s true CHURCH really needs to be in prayer! This is why He says to “pray unceasingly.” What we see in San Francisco & San Jose is just a sampling of what is yet to come. What we see happening all around us is God’s Word being fulfilled. You see the world does not embrace morality or God’s design for marriage, living and the family. Yet everyone wants to go to heaven where God’s will is done daily 24/7. Many are deceived. There is a way to be absolutely sure! God has given us a choice. You can choose His way or the world’s way! In 2004 it is all about your choice? Do your thing? Right? Wrong! The right choice is to choose Jesus Christ as your Savior. To adopt His principles for, life, marriage and family. Remember, what God has joined together let not man put asunder. Who is your family? Jesus says, “Those who do the will of the Father.”

Share This:

WP Like Button Plugin by Free WordPress Templates