SEXUAL Problems for Christians Part 1

Part 1

The Bible Says A Lot About Sex

SEXual Problems For The Christian

In one of the Christian Counseling quarterly publications I receive, every single article discussed sexual problems. This really confirmed that the problems of this nature are definitely prevalent within the Christian Community. Many shy away from discussing issues that are of a sexual nature. It is quite evident that a plethora of the problems we are experiencing are rooted in improper sexual misconduct.

The Bible has a lot to say about sexual relationships. One of the main problems is that sex is more often than not practiced outside of the sanctity of marriage. God has said it is only within the marriage bed that sex is “undefiled.” Many have indulged in adultery, fornication and homosexuality and defiled the marriage bed.

Sex Outside of Marriage is Dangerous!

It is of no secret that time after time we see many men and women who fall prey to the pitfalls of sexual misconduct. Not fully realizing that sex outside of marriage is like “fire outside of the fireplace.” It’s dangerous! It will burn your house down!

You are setting yourself up for disappointment. You see sex outside the confines of marriage simply means; I am not fully committed to you. I need to be with you to see if we are physically compatible. I’ve been hurt before so I don’t really want to get too serious. Or my spouse and I don’t have a satisfying relationship so I’m really glad you are there for me. Or “I need you baby” if you love me you will do this for me?

There are so many more scenarios as well… Of course you have not uttered this in words. In the above cases your actions speak louder than words. Many simply do not really know what marriage is all about!

You want to take some time and think and ponder upon your marriage vows! There is always room for improvement. Hang them on your wall if you need to be reminded of what you promised to do!

God Can Cleanse You from all Unrighteousness

I have received many questions in regards to sexual problems. Many are trapped because they have nowhere to turn. Many women just don’t want to be alone so they offer themselves sexually, yet are physically unsatisfied. Many have been conditioned ignorantly to use sex as a tool to manipulate. Women who are used for sexual purposes are often thought of as mere objects. Many have been sexually abused causing them to feel low self worth. Often causing them to turn to drugs and or unwise counsel further leading to a perilous journey of confusion, depression, anxiety and more issues…

Please know if you were sexually abused or if you are being abused now it is in NO way your fault! You can turn this around. Realize that you have been taken advantage of. This was an unrighteous act against you. Meaning; it was or is not right! Forgive yourself and don’t let this hold you captive any longer. God wants to release the pain your are carrying. Cry out to the Lord and say; “STOP it in the Name of JESUS!” Please hear me GOD LOVES you and has so much more in store for you. Don’t let this be the theme of your life. Don’t let it rob you of a better future. There is cleansing POWER in the WORD of GOD! He can “cleanse you from ALL unrighteousness.”

Many have been taught that sex is no big deal! Everybody has sex and it does not matter if you are married or not. Especially if you are past a certain age or you have already been married. Or if you are not having sex something is wrong with you. You are not normal. But that is not the Christian perspective! You are giving parts of yourself away! This is why you feel less than… Your body is what protects your soul! You see God gives specific directions. The Bible says “for this cause shall a man leave His Father and Mother and cleave to His wife and they shall become one flesh.”

Let go and let GOD!

Sex outside the confines of marriage is dangerous emotionally. Why? It sets you up for possible problems that may not be apparent until much later? This is regardless of how young or old you may be…

There is a deeper meaning to sex than the physical exchange. A bonding takes place. There is a magnetic chemical exchange. Within the confines of marriage a miraculous spiritual transaction is taking place! Did you know that scripture tells us “whatever you join yourself to becomes a part of you?” Deep down you must know and feel that something is wrong, but you just can’t put your finger on it. It also shows a lack of discipline. Some people just don’t practice good moral boundaries. They will sleep with anybody! Married or not married! Others have been erroneously taught that it really does not matter. Well; Its my body anyway! ” It’s just sex!” But is it really especially if you have confessed Jesus Christ? If it feels right we are not hurting anybody! From a Biblical standpoint just know you are outside the will of God! Anytime you choose to operate outside of God’s boundaries you can expect some trouble.

Take some time for an inner spiritual cleanse! Spend some time in the WORD of GOD! Ask the LORD to speak to your heart! It is time to really “Let go & let GOD”

SEXUAL Problems For Christians Part 2

Part 2

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SEXUAL Problems For Christians Part 2

Part 2

Is A Great Marriage Still Viable?

The answer is YES!!!

Today some have opted out of the marriage. Their spouse has not been faithful and or has not or will not repent. Divorce is also sought because both or one spouse was not honest when they married. It is not their intention to work together for a mutually satisfying marriage. Sad put true some marry to get what they can and leave. Quite often they want what they want when they want it. Their first priority is what they want rather than what is best for the marriage. This can leave the injured spouse in a state of flux. He or she will often overcompensate by continually giving into to their endless wants even to the point of financial despair.

Parental disharmony also causes additional conflict within the children. They pick up the vibe between their parents. The children wants become excessive to compensate for their void. Some children will begin to lie and sometime emotionally withdraw. Unconsciously they feel that their well being is a secondary priority. Children usually prefer that their parents stay together.They too begin to act out. The parent who is most concerned must or should then take responsibility and address the needs of the children. Since you are hurting, this is not easy but necessary. It important to instill within your children healthy boundaries.

All too often one or both parents will often over indulge the child or children. They begin to compete for the child’s attention. Rather than discipline they will allow the child to become an extension of them. The child become their support. Children vary in their ability to mature. Some are more resilient than others. Children should not be encouraged to become companions for their parents. Nor should they be ignored. They should always be nurtured in a healthy way that further establishes the parent child relationship.

As they get older the children will begin to better understand. Their parents were not able to resolve their conflict which resulted in divorce. Right now in this 21st century we have a generation of children that are confused about “Marriage God’s Way” more so than ever before! Although it did not work for you the first, second or even third time; it is important to let them know that God has ordained marriage as the proper relationship for sex. Let them know there is hope for them for a successful marriage.

Our current and future generations of teenagers have fewer and fewer positive moral traditional role models. Too many fractured marriages and families. This also can cause some of them to question their own sexuality. They wonder if marriage is still even viable? They are all to often seduced to seek alternative ways to satisfy their sometimes overwhelming desire to appease raging hormones… They are often pulled into experimenting with same sex relationships with their peers. This can cause them to be confused sexually or possibly even have a tendency towards bi sexual or promiscuous?

Freely share with them what God says about sex in a non threatening way. Keeping in mind you are not trying to incite rebellion. You want them to learn self-control. You want them to realize that their are consequences for our actions.God allows us the freedom to choose. Love is patient so if you are over anxious take some time and chill out.

We can prevent this from happening or lessen the frequency of this occurring by teaching them the importance of respecting their own bodies. Letting them know that they are valuable and they have the right to say “NO” to anyone. But most important that they can honor God in their body and its never too late to start!

Yes! A favorable future marriage is still viable…

There is much spiritual warfare that attempts to draw our teens away from God’s natural design for sex. This is a vulnerable stage of life for them! Peer pressure is already a constant factor in their lives… How their bodies are beginning to develop is a concern as well. Many of them will not say how they really feel. They will tell you what they think you want to hear! They often will seek unwise advice. Therefore they can be easily led down an ambivalent primrose path that further adds to this already complicated period of growth and development! Instead abstinence and discipline should be encouraged!

Think about this for a moment. Did you know that if no one practiced sex outside of marriage there would be no one to cheat with? Fewer broken homes! Fewer STD’S! Fewer Abortions! Fewer marriages ending in divorces where people are unable to reconcile their differences! It’s hard to imagine! God has given us His Word to protect us! He has even told us that there is “no temptation common to man that He has not prepared a way of escape.”

A committed married monogamous relationship is the only way that God honors a sexual relationship! He has provided and ordained marriage. You see God has designed marriage as the only proper way a man and woman can fulfill their natural sexual desires. He is not the designer of any other method. If you have been taught or thought otherwise you are fooled. I don’t care what Mommy, Daddy, Grandpa, Grandma, Aunt, Uncle, Friend, Doctor, Minister, Pastor. Bishop, Apostle or Foe has said there are consequences! You see it is time out for living in the dark. Especially if you have confessed to be a Christian! It is time to stand up and speak out for what God has said is right.

We must speak the TRUTH in LOVE! Many are so confused about what LOVE really means. They often misunderstand you when you try to LOVE them for real! Loving someone is NOT making them feel comfortable in sin. Part of LOVE is correction with patience. Sometimes we have to simply “step back.” But always PRAY! This is why we ALL so need the LORD! “GOD IS LOVE!” God is always available to help us properly express HIS LOVE!

Let’s HELP this next generation; these teenagers of this 21st century “where anything goes.” Start by giving them better moral role models! Let’s open up the lines of communication so they can validate their feelings. Make yourself available to them. Give them a phone and tell them “to call you anytime they NEED you” Let’s HELP them so they do not feel that they have to give parts of themselves away in order to be accepted! Let them know that they have the right to say NO to anyone who tries to take advantage of them. Give them more “hugs” & quick kisses on their foreheads. (some of them feel too big for kisses)

Teach them how to be respectable and to demand respect as well. Remember they watch what we say and do. Better examples and less criticism and more compassion and understanding. Less bickering and fighting and more constructive ways to resolve conflict such as Powerful, loving biblical instructions! Just think if it is hard for adults it is even harder for teenagers…

SEXUAL Problems For The Christians Part 3

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SEXUAL Problems For Christians Part 3


Part 3

Pray for Discernment

When I went to seminary I was somewhat disappointed to a small degree, but not surprised that the same problems existed. I have learned that sexual misconduct is practiced on many levels. It did not matter that my views were misconstrued as prudish because I know better! This is not at all about exposing anyone; nor would I. It is about stating the facts to circumvent others from going down this path or at least help them consider making better choices.

It is important to keep in mind that spiritual warfare persists everywhere. Always remember; “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18.

There was an interesting counseling therapy class on “Gethsemane Patterning.” I was asked to sign a waiver in this class because there was some hands on activity that could possibly be a tad interesting. I prayed about it. Since I could see under the right conditions it could be helpful. I grasped all the marvelous insight as well as impertinent methodology. But I decided to opt out of certain aspects of the class. Therefore there was no need for me to sign a waiver. We are called to be observant. Thank God for Discernment. That particular class ended up with a huge lawsuit against the administrator. It is important to never throw caution to the wind.

Many hours of intense study quiet meditation and practical application yielded a deeper invaluable reverence for our Lord. God does not want us to be “Cookie Cutter Christians.” There is no need to compete in ministry. The Lord will help us do whatever He has called us to do. He does want us to be “in the world but not of the world” John 8 I am most thankful for the experience as well as an invaluable wealth of spiritual insight gained. There remain many many precious memories.

The Lord always wants to lead us on the Path of Righteousness.

It is always good to be cautious, prayerful and seek direction from the Lord. Especially when you lay hands on someone who does not really know you. I understand why the Word says: “Do not be hasty in the laying on of hands, and do not share in the sins of others. Keep yourself pure. I Timothy 5. Truly the Lord will protect you. He also sharpens your discernment. Spiritual things easily get misunderstood. “Man looks on the outside. But GOD looks at the heart.” This is why we always need to consult with the Lord and be led by HIS Holy Spirit! There are times when you may just have to stay put and pray from right where you are. You can always pray and sometimes not necessarily out loud. The Lord knows if we are sincere and HE is always absolutely Omniscient…

There is a tendency to overlook sexual problems within the Church. This is not good since this conflicts with; “…But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers shall worship the Father in Spirit and Truth, for the Father seeks such to worship Him” (John 4:23).” Here Jesus is talking to the woman at the well. Notice; He first talked to her about all her husbands. Then He graciously shifts the subject to telling her about “true worship!” We cannot confine our infinite Lord to just a geographical area, people or building. HE IS OMNIPRESENT I have not found anywhere in the WORD where the disciples had sexual misconduct problems. Think about it. Most importantly this sends the wrong message. There is a difference between the “Fruit of the Spirit and the “works of the flesh” See Galatians 5

We are not to sanction any sin. Sin separates us from GOD. We are to exercise and encourage others to embrace self-control as well. He has given us HIS HOLY SPIRIT HIS COMFORTER to HELP us. GOD CALLS us and asks us to travel upon “The Straight & Narrow Road!” This is the road that is less traveled by many. The reason why there are so many carnal problems with God’s Church is because to many allowances and excuses are made quite often for those who are connected to what they perceive to be the hierarchy.”Of a TRUTH, I perceive, God is not a respecter of persons.” James 2 We are ALL SAVED by the GRACE of GOD!

It is so very important to know the WORD of GOD for yourself. Many teach the traditions of their particular denominations over the Word of God! We in ourselves have no power. But we access HIS POWER as we stay connected to HIM as the SOURCE of ULTIMATE POWER. God can use whoever is willing to submit to His Will & His Way.

In some cases just as long as you pay your dues or tithes you can be be excused from just about anything. The focus upon money is the greatest priority for many. Many are manipulated to give money. There are even tithing messages given before offering. Malachi is mainly talking to the priests who were corrupt. It was written to correct many religious and social behaviors. Most always attribute Malachi to “robbing God!” Malachi 3 There are many ways to rob God. If you study you will find that tithes and offerings were not only monetary. Malachi 3 also states; “And they shall be mine, saith the Lord of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him.Then shall ye return, and discern between the righteous and the wicked, between him that serveth God and him that serveth him not.”

Yes, The Lord wants us to give. “God loves a cheerful giver!” II Corinthians 9. The Corinthians were a very carnal Church. Here you will see that the LORD gives a lot of instructions to His Church because of the mindset of the people. They got carried away in many areas. The main focus of worship should always be upon giving GLORY to the LORD. God wants to be a part of every area of our lives. He has promised “To supply ALL our needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus!” Philippians 4. God will supply the needs of HIS CHURCH which is HIS people. ALL with the LORD means ALL.

“For the Love of money is the root of ALL evil” Where you find evil when you peel it all back you will find this is to be true! It is not the money but the fact some will do just about anything to get it. God does not begrudge us to have things. But it is how we relate to them that matters most. We all so daily need His Holy Spirit to continually grow in His grace.

GOD is The Giver and Sustainer of Life

God holds ALL of us accountable for our behavior as well as how we give or do not give. Think about it for a moment? God really does see and know everything about all of us. How many times does the Bible mention the disciples indulging in sexual sins? Quite often the faults of the disciples are mentioned to make a point of their flaws. But in actuality we are to depend on the Holy Spirit to help us exercise self-control not upon ourselves. The perfection that the Bible talks about is not flawlessness. It is about learning how to be complete in the Lord. We are to daily strive for perfection. There is always room for improvement in all of us. We should be forever growing in His grace as long as He has us on this side of Heaven. The LORD is able to deliver us from ALL evil! We CAN be “Strong in the LORD!” Or HE would not have told us to do so.

Good boundaries should be exercised when you know someone is weak in certain areas. This applies even more so when you know you are in a carnal environment. You should be able to greet with a hug and express godly love and not want to sleep with or have any sexual interest. I say this because I know that there are a few who use this as an opportunity to meet possible conquests. I personally do not usually indulge in what I call the many “Simon Says” activities that are now prominent during worship. Turn to your neighbor, say this, turn around, jump up and down, clap your hands etc. Observe, how many respond just like robots without thinking. This is actually “Group Think” behavior. Also notice that this is a trend that has also been adopted in these latter years. It is optional. This can at times hinder the flow of the Spirit. We are not to just do everything that man says do… How did we get here? It is always important to remain prayerful during worship.

We are living in the lasts days and some of everything is going on everywhere. Not everyone regards worship or “The House of The Lord” as sacred.

Many Christians have been side tracked by indulging in ongoing sexual sin. Think about it, when this is the case this is actually practicing sin. They do not realize just how much this impacts their Spiritual Gift(s). Or maybe they are just ignorant to GOD’S OMNIPRESENCE and believe He doesn’t really know what is happening? Its important to keep in mind during worship that not everyone is spiritual. Encouraging repentance is always good. “Prayer ye one for another!” I believe that there is much spiritual tension in the body that can easily be alleviated.

The Spirit of God is quenched when you operate in a carnal mode.

Many operate by using a seducing spirit which is NOT of GOD! Remember this is a Spiritual battle. Pray for discernment! Many honestly don’t realize how they water down the effectiveness of their testimony. They also hinder their spiritual gifts when they are indulging in sexual misconduct!

Sex is not something to play with.

This is not about being negative, I am better than you, nor being Miss Such a Much. This is about being real! We are living in some interesting times with some of everything going on. For many nothing is sacred.

There is a better way to begin to lessen the growing number of Christians as well as non Christians to have better control in the area of sex. Less STDS makes the world safer for all of us… You will not have to worry about these things when you honor God in your marriage. We must work on building healthier relationships inside and outside of marriage. Just know that God only sanctions sex between a husband and a wife. We must respect our marriages as well as the marriages of others. When we do so we honor GOD!

I have seen that people are a lot more interested in talking about people who have a problem with material possessions. Usually the one who really has the problem is fixated on what someone else has. How big their house is or what kind of vehicle they drive? Or how often they travel here or there?

It was not Solomon’s material possessions that got him in trouble. It was His sex life! How he ever managed 300 wives and 700 concubines is news to me. Well you see in actuality he didn’t; it is what really eventually nearly destroyed him. We can learn much from his plethora of Wisdom he candidly shares.

I always say: “I DO NOT have to go to the bottom of the Creek to know that there is mud down there.”

In Ecclesiastes 12:13 & 14 Solomon says “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter; Fear God, and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.”

Sex is not something to play with, don’t be deceived by thinking otherwise. The employment of improper sex in your life will ultimately lead to some type of dysfunction or some other problem. Take a Spiritual Bath in HIS WORD repent and exercise self control

The 1st chapter of Romans candidly teaches us that GOD is opposed to same sex relationships. It goes against His natural boundaries; “…They exchanged the TRUTH of GOD for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator, who is forever praised. Amen! Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in them the due penalty for their perversion…” Acts 1 You cannot change the TRUTH of GOD’S WORD! If you disagree take it up with GOD!

Think long and hard before you have or continue to have sex outside of marriage!

SEXUAL Problems For the Christians Part 4

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Intimacy With God ~ The Desired Destination Part 2

Clouds 5
Paul was concerned because some of the “Church from Chloe’s household” had informed him that there were quarrels among them. Paul realized the need to address the conflict which hindered their spiritual growth. Listen closely to the rebuke, a call for repentance as well as exhortation at times he expresses. Paul’s sincere intent was to bring them closer to the Lord. The Church is supposed to cultivate a passion for living for the Lord! The Church was meant to stand for righteousness and be the light of the world. God uses whomever He pleases to fulfill the mission of His Church. According to the Word;”God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things that are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence.” I Corinthians 1; 27-29 Walking with the Lord is not a role to be played but a life to be lived! This is why Paul says “He who glories, let him glory in the Lord.” God is so worthy of all our praise! It is really by and through the power of His Holy Spirit we can attain a deeper ever growing level of intimacy that will enhance your personal walk with Him.

Due to the mindset of many of the Corinthians it was difficult to break the many strongholds. Carnality and spiritual immaturity permeated their atmosphere. Today as well during a service, although emotions and energy may be high it can still be void of spiritual depth. God really does know where we are in our walk with Him.Paul’s concerns have been recorded as a permanent record. In His second letter to the Church in Corinth he continues to relay his sincere concerns to the struggling congregation due to both internal and external problems. This is why Paul’s ongoing desire was for their spiritual growth. Spiritual warfare was all about him. As a rebuttal and deterrent Paul’s credibility was questioned. Yet, Paul did not allow this to sidetrack his assignment. We too must remain focused when spiritual warfare presents itself. God in His own time will bring everything to the light. The victory is in the praise!

Having intimacy in your relationship with the Lord is one of the most important intangible things that you could possibly possess. God knows our place within the body of His Church! This will help you to know that God is a God of all comforts. That nothing comes your way that He is not aware of. God can, and is truly the only one, “who comforts us in all of our troubles, so that we can comfort those who are in trouble, with the comfort we ourselves have been comforted by God….” II Corinthians 1:4. Paul’s writing includes significant teaching on a plethora of issues relating to sin and righteousness. Paul addresses the congregation by stating that he was called by the will of God. This in it self caused much resistance. In I Corinthians he dealt with the diversity of sexual sins and what happens when God’s plan for marriage and family are disobeyed see 7:1-40. He addressed the fact how proper worship flows from us by sincerely acknowledging God’s place in our life see 3:16-23. The pure significance of partaking in the Lord’s Supper see 11:17-34. Paul continues in significant detail a discussion on the effectiveness of exercising spiritual gifts as to when and how they should be properly exercised or not? Harmony and order were desired whenever they assembled. Christ really does deserve to always be the “Mainstay” of all our worship!

God has bestowed upon us the blessing of His Holy Spirit to abide within and to assist us in living a life pleasing in His sight. You must ask for this infilling presence daily. I encourage you to take some time to get to really know the Lord intimately. His Word has cleansing power. Repent of any and all sin before it ferments. Commence to really delve deeply into the meat of His Word. We can be sure and confident that God’s Word is infallible. Exercise your faith and entrust your future to the Lord. I declare, no matter what comes your way God will see you through! Christ birth, life, death and resurrection has taken away the veil. Nothing stands between you and God but you and any unconfessed sin. The Word of God is able to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

See Part 3

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control” Part 9 No. 2 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass

Part 9

No. 2 of 3

Marriage is a spiritual battle ground in this 21st century. Look around you! Division wants to nest itself within your marriage; so be aware! Have you noticed the frequency in which couples are divorcing? Why is this? Many enter into marriage without first really getting to know this person who they have promised to love and cherish.

Take the time to get to know one another better rather than to simply co exist. For your marriage to endure it is important to build a strong foundation.

Self-control is a viable component of a strong healthy marriage! There are many forces at works to create havoc within your marriage. One must pray for discernment! It is important that you make your marriage and one another’s wellbeing a priority. Self-control when consistently exercised will help both of you enhance and safeguard your marriage.

Marriage is serious business and is not for immature people. Immaturity is ageless so just because you are getting older does not necessarily mean that you are ready. There are some things you need to consider. Selfishness and either spouse being self-centered will hinder your marriage from growing in a healthy manner.

Marriage ideally is for two imperfect people who desire to mature and want to grow together and become better individuals working together as a committed team. Marriage should not be taken lightly. In the spiritual sense “two become one” they are united in their desire to grow in love!

In marriage you learn to give up “me ness for we ness!”

Self-control helps you to honor your marriage vows. You choose to not let the world and it’s ever changing morality influence your commitment to one another. Instead together you elect to influence the world. You embrace yours vows and commence to live out your lives working through difficulties.

The Fruit of the Spirit are essential virtues that have intrinsic worth that will solidify your marriage. When you both strive to build a healthy living environment that welcomes love and harmony; together you can build a fulfilling, satisfying marriage!

Part 9
No. 3 0f 3

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self- Control” Part 9 No. 3 of 3

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Self-Control”

Couple in Grass

Part 9 No. 3

Trust and good communication are crucial values within a good marriage. Transparency and intimacy is built upon trust. It is really important to not rush into making any decisions that will impact the rest of your life. Take time and first consider the consequences! There is much to learn about one another. Work on building good communication skills.

Here are few final things to keep in mind!
Make it a point to have some good healthy quality discussions before you jump heart first into marriage. If you are already married take the time to find out how your spouse feels, thinks and processes their thoughts and emotions. Please don’t just assume. Feelings need to be validated. Have some deep heartfelt discussions. You need to really know what one another values.

Here are a few questions to ponder and discuss!
What are your likes and dislikes? How do feel about children? What your beliefs are in regards to discipline? How do you feel about the manner in why you both handle discipline? How do you both resolve conflict? Who or what do they believe in? How do they feel about God and prayer? What are their moral standards or convictions or do they have any at all… Is faithfulness important? What does it really mean to be faithful? Is divorce an option? These are a few of the many things you want to discuss and ponder in order to build a better marriage!

The growing trend today is to simply just change partners when you are not happy. As an adult you have the right to decide, but you always should consider the long and short term consequences. I recommend taking some time to rid yourself of some of the baggage that you have been carrying before jumping into another marriage. All too often it is just pushed to the side only to rise and cause even greater problems the second or even third time around. If you are already married work with what you have. Take inventory and then set some goals together. It’s important to make plans together, things change so be flexible. Your marriage won’t just work itself out. Now is the time to begin to exercise self-control as well as all the rest of the “Fruit of the Spirit.” After all you have made a Covenant with one another and to God…

Happiness is a choice, so you both need to decide to make this a mutual goal. There will be highs and lows. So always make love deposits of care, concern, respect, romance and thoughtfulness to your marriage. This will help you weather the storms. You cannot change one another. There is always room for improvement in all of us. You can help bring out the better qualities in one another. Your marriage should always be a priority! Working together will have amazing results!

Exercising self-control is a choice! Rather than tearing one another down all the time build one another up! Chastise one another in love instead to encourage self improvement. Have some good healthy dialogue and let what has hindered your marriage to this point go and move forward as partners! Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It means that you have decided to let whatever it is go, and move forward not holding the offense against them. The past becomes a reminder of your decision to let go and move on. Each day now becomes a new day for building a better marriage! Welcome embracing all the “Fruit of the Spirit” everyday! I assure you that in the long run, you will be much happier! Because happiness is a choice!

By the way, if you are divorced, in the process of a divorce married or remarried try really hard to not involve the children in your disputes. Please don’t use them as message carriers. After all, your first priority should be for their emotional wellbeing. You two were not able to resolve your conflicts. Children are more observant than you think. You have been in an emotional battle and it there are some residual hurt feelings. Give your children the opportunity to express themselves. Model to them the “Fruit of the Spirit” as you all move forward yet separately.

Marriage God’s way can work. But you both must be willing to mutually embrace godly principles and actually implement them within your marriage. So get busy building a marriage that lasts!

“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control…” Galatians 5.

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit in your marriage “Gentleness” Part 8

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Gentleness”

Couple in Grass

Part 8

The Fruit of the Spirit is actually a natural spontaneous occurrence that happens in our lives as we grow spiritually. Our character and personality is wonderfully shaped as we embrace God’s principles. The Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.

Gentleness is important. Let’s now focus on the benefits of embracing gentleness within our marriage. You can develop a mutually beneficial symbiotically satisfying marital relationship where each partner is respected and appreciated!

Marriage is meant to be an endearing, beautiful, romantic, fulfilling, life long spiritual union coming together as one, between a man and a woman. Your marriage should be equally cherished by both of you. If this is not the case; time to get busy! You have some work to do! Dust off your vows, revisit, renew and now actually implement them within your marriage. Together working as a team you can accomplish great things together!

Your marriage should be or should become a priority if this is not the case. Did you know that you and your spouse are actually co partners in a covenant agreement? You have made promises to one another that go much deeper than a piece of paper! Your marriage will be what you make it… Learning to be sensitive, caring and gentle will help you build a cohesive, enjoyable healthy interconnected marriage. The well being of one another is a priority in this type of marriage. Embracing gentleness allows you to let your guard down with one another! Your weaknesses come to the forefront and you become transparent and open with one another and your trust deepens.

Marriage is meant to be an ongoing exciting life long quest together improving, growing, and becoming the best person you can be. You remain two separate individuals who are dedicated to growing together and working as an unbreakable team working side by side. You chastise and challenge one another. You also complement one another as well as build one another up! Gentleness is important because it allows you not to hide behind the hard shield your personality sometimes develops in order to protect yourself from the world and its influences. You instead allow your spouse to embrace you in a most tangible intimate way that is usually exclusively reserved for marriage. You build healthy boundaries around your marriage. You both commit to do what is best for the marriage. This is why you should not just join yourself to anyone!

When you invite the Lord into your marriage together you are able to weather the multiplicity of storms that life brings your way. When you disagree you stand firm but you don’t allow bitterness and strife to permanently nest itself between you. When one is down the other spouse brings comfort! Gentleness is appropriately and sincerely expressed. You both are equally yoked!

When you do not allow gentleness to become a part of your marriage your hearts instead harden. When you disagree you often become divided and resentment and unforgiveness instead sets in. This is why so many marriages end in divorce. Rather than work through their difficulties and storms they begin to pull you further apart.

Marriage should not be full of drudgery hard harsh words continuous meaningless encounters and a lot of unhappiness. Life is too short. When you build your marriage upon trust and embrace the Fruit of the Spirit your marriage will flourish and endure!

Marriage is the oldest traditional institution known to mankind designed by God. It is the foundational relationship upon which the family was built upon. As you practice gentleness in marriage it becomes a part of who you are! You are better able to balance out the harshness that life so often presents. You have an abiding peace between you. The core of who you are is openly shared with your spouse and you both are totally exposed to the Lord! You both have committed to submitting to the Lord’s will and way in your lives by honoring your marriage vows! When a couple yields to the Lord His fruit will begin to multiply and manifests within their marriage. Gentleness allows your hearts to cleave together! What God has truly joined together man cannot pull apart…

The last and next very important part of the Fruit of the Spirit is Self Control. Embracing self control will help you in every area of your life!

“But the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, and Gentleness and …” Galatians 5.

Part 9

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Goodness” Part 6

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Goodness”

Couple in Grass

Part 6

Did you know that marriage is a sacred, intimate, holy relationship sanctioned by God between a man and a woman? After God created everything and saw that it was good; God saw that the man He had made did not have a helpmeet. The animals, the beasts of the field, the livestock, as well as the birds of the air all had someone to be with… See Genesis 1 for more information.

Adam was alone as a man without someone to help him and spend time with on a human level that he could relate to personally. He too needed someone to be by his side. God had compassion upon Adam. This is what He did; “So God caused Adam to fall in a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and brought her to the man.” Genesis 1. It is here that we get a comprehensible picture of God’s original design for marriage. Out of His goodness and love! God created marriage as a gift to Adam & Eve!

Adam and Eve were naked and they were not ashamed! At this time they were perfect for one another This is before they sinned and decided to instead disobey God and do their own thing. God gives us all free choice! Adam & Eve is the model template for marriage His way! He is the original designer and knows what is best for the man and woman He created. Marriage is serious business. Your marriage will be whatever you together decide to make it!

The goal of marriage is to experience the ultimate oneness that is possible between a man and a woman! Man and woman’s physical structures are anatomically and emotionally designed to fit together as one! Within the context of marriage they are to learn how to meet one another’s need for physical sexual intercourse within the boundaries of marriage! Reproduction and pleasure are possible which usually involves penetration as their sexual organs are joined together. Although sex happens quite often outside of marriage it is not sanctioned by God!

Adam and Eve were joined together and they were not ashamed. They had no limitations on their ability to flourish and grow until they decided to do their own thing. The good thing about marriage, this is where the man and woman can build physical and emotional intimacy in a lifetime committed relationship. Although many marriages in excess of 55% now result in divorce this is not what God intended. “Haven’t you read in the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said; ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19. Marriage between a man and woman in the eyes of God is good!

Today in this 21st century many marriages are falling short of God’s design, but this has not changed His original intentions. God designed marriage to be indissoluble! The pressures of society continue to press upon many to once again “do their own thing!” Please think long and hard before you commit or break your commitment to your marriage. There is much spiritual warfare to split apart marriages, to sow discord among spouses and families and disrupt God’s design for life and living. There are spiritual consequences that are not always apparent… So please be sure when you decide to say “I Do!” If not it is a good thing to remain single if you are not sure or have serious doubts! However it is your choice to have whatever type of relationship(s) you desire…

It is important to spend time with God to better understand His plan for your life.!

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, are all aspects of the Fruit of God’s Spirit! Loyalty, commitment, dedication, monogamy and integrity are some of the many components of a good marriage as well. We can experience unity and empowerment within our marriages as we rely on God’s principles for marriage. Relying on our own wisdom and the ways of the world often increases the risk of relinquishing the plan that God has for our lives! God is faithful! Faithfulness is the next part of the Fruit of God’s Spirit that we will discuss…

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Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Kindness” Part 5

Embracing the Fruit of the Spirit within your marriage “Kindness”

Couple in Grass

Part 5

Kindness is a virtue! Mutual kindness needs to be embedded throughout your marriage! Marriage is the first institution between a man and a woman that was created by God. Marriage is designed to be a mutually loving, satisfying partnership experience! As husband and wife you both have made sacred vows to honor one another as well as God! A part of honoring those vows means to be considerate of one another and sincerely extending kindness to one another. Kindness is a part of the Fruit of the Spirit! It is very important to continue to nurture your marriage when you truly desire to build a healthy lasting and rewarding marital relationship.

What is kindness really? Kindness defined according to the Encarta Dictionary is; “A compassionate act; an act that shows consideration and caring.” This is why kindness is so important within marriage.

All too often more consideration and thought are often placed into the planning of the wedding or ceremony than the actual marriage itself. If you have allowed your relationship to go stale and the two of you are drifting apart you can do something about it. This is true regardless at whatever your age is, as well as however long you two have been married. As long as there is breath in your body there is room for improvement!

The quality of your marriage can or should improve like a fine antique! But you both must make it a priority to value and take care of your marriage! Think about it! What was your purpose for marrying anyway? Was it to make one another miserable? During your dating or courtship there must have been some tender moments that drew you together? Or did you do so out of sheer obligation? Or in some cases perhaps you had an arranged marriage and you are expecting love to follow… Whatever the case there is always room for improvement!

Kindness should be an integral part of your marriage. Being kind brings warmth and yields sparks of compassion and understanding. It holds selfishness at bay when you consider how your spouse is feeling. You care enough to speak the truth in love and want what is best for one another. Kindness brings trust and freedom! Knowing that your spouse is committed to you and the marriage yields security!

Life is serious and we are living in some interesting times. Life is full of many mountaintop and valley experience. Even when things are not going well when you embrace kindness it allows you to be at peace with one another! Disagreements are normal. But they do not have to be resolved by resorting to name calling, hurling hurtful word for words and physical or mental abuse. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, those who love it will eat its fruits!” Proverbs 18.

A good healthy argument is great and allows you both times to vent! But please don’t fuss and fight like children all the time! If or when one or both of you are angry, table the discussion for a reasonable period of time later on until you can discuss things rationally! Yes! Keep the child in you alive but do not allow it to take control! The child in you loves to have fun it also likes to have its way! The growing adult in you must be willing to take responsibility when necessary. Kindness and consideration prevents dysfunction from nesting itself within the marriage. Dealing with the issues at hand and the desire to keep moving forward will help you build a strong secure fulfilling ever growing marriage!

Gentlemen it is important to know that a woman was made to be loved! Taking the time to listen and be sensitive, supportive and caring to her needs speaks volumes! Your genuine love will help her to become all that she can be. Ladies a man desires to be respected and trusted! Listen twice as much (since in general we tend to talk more) attentively and don’t be so eager to talk before he is finished expressing himself. Be sensitive, supporting, and caring of his needs as well. This in turn helps him to become all that he can become. Good open healthy communication makes a great marriage!

So embrace your vows and always freely express love, joy, peace, patience and kindness! Enjoy your journey together! After all marriage is really where; “the two become one flesh…”

Part 6

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How Do I Love Thee:Food For Thought Before You Say “I DO” – Kindle Countdown Promotion

How Compatible are We? Ready for Intimacy? Commitment? The Marriage Bed? In-laws or Out-laws?

How Do I Love Thee:Food For Thought Before You Say “I DO” is a mini-premarital guide to be used by couples, counselors, and clergy. It addresses many of the major subjects couples should discuss prior to marriage.Included are interactive lessons and assignments for the couple which are designed to motivate serious thought about love, compatibility, commitment, finances, accountability, responsibility, dealing with the in-laws, the marriage bed, and more.

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Starting 1/2/2016 you can download a copy of the book starting at $ .99. Click on the book to visit Amazon and pick up your copy. The sooner you purchase, the larger the discount.

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